May there be peace in this world and throughout the entire universe
May all beings be happy, healthy and free from suffering
Wednesday, March 29, 2006
GOD
God, it’s a very interesting subject to talk about, certainly one I don’t suggest at a party, but its seems to drive many people to do such heinous and even in the very next moment, beautiful acts in this world. Does it really matter if god exists or not, we certainly know that we have our “own free will”, and if you believe in god do also believe in destiny, or fate, how could an all loving either to yourself or others around you. If ever are able to reach a point where you are able to experience god, you will be able to realize that there is no such thing as duality in life, there is no light/dark, no life/death, animal/vegetable, good/bad, rich/poor, strong/weak, and that all life and matter is just particles relating and interacting with each other, governed by a divine love, as Jesus said love thy enemy, which means have no enemy and you will love all equally, and you will reach a state where nothing truly matters, because if you truly lobeing allow such harm come to his/her children, and why would he/she have to be feared as the bible so adamantly states. A god should not be feared, but what should be feared are the repercussions of your own actions. Its also clear that people who have experienced god, reach a point where they realize that what ever they do is really of no importance, because he/ she already knows what we are going to do next. I’d like to think of god as more of a conscience energy force that not only binds all life and all matter of existence together, but also rules what we do tomorrow, which in essence could be called karma, and represented by the ying-yang, which can be influenced by what you do now. This can be labeled as good/bad depending upon the suffering you bring down upon this world ve somebody, without the ego, that love will begin to extend to all beings, and that no matter what they do, or how badly they think they can harm you, you will never ever become upset, angry or harmed, and regardless of what they do you will always forgive them and love them the same as any being in this world, if someone you loved in the past has hurt you, then you did not truly love them without the ego, there was a part of you that was attached to that person, or that moment, or the feeling they gave you, and when they hurt you, you felt betrayed, in some way and you became selfish only thinking about yourself. Love is used today to easily, thrown around like a ball in the back yard, very few people ever experience true love, and those who have ever experience love at first site, are not experiencing it at all for the first time, but that there was a connection from a previous life, and your attachment has bought you together again.
Tuesday, March 28, 2006
KARMA
"Karma is a sum of all that an individual has done, is currently doing and will do"
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Karma
Many people seem to have an incorrect understanding of karma, which actually only means "action", there is no such thing as good/bad karma, this is only an attribute of the mind which has to label everything it experiences, which allows it to deal with its environment, and will only label things as such depending upon the immediate suffering it experiences. Karma is only the action of balance throughout the universe and for all time. The action of karma exists because all things in the world need to exist in a state of equilibrium, otherwise, without balance all life would end up extinct. It goes beyond life and death, because these are only states of the mind, karma keeps the balance of life, and is the result of cause and effect, which is the law that all things/action can only exist because of something that existed before. Everyone is in control of their own karma, and cannot affect the karma of others, regardless of what you do in life you will be made responsible sooner or later, there is no escape, and the universe relies upon this equilibrium for its survival.
AJAHN CHAH
From the Great Ajahn Chah
"When one does not understand death, life can be very confusing."
"The Dhamma has to be found by looking into your own heart and seeing that which is true and that which is not, that which is balanced and that which is not balanced."
"Only one book is worth reading: the heart."
"Don’t think that only sitting with the eyes closed is practice. If you do think this way, then quickly change your thinking. Steady practice is keeping mindful in every posture, whether sitting, walking, standing or lying down. When coming out of sitting, don’t think that you’re coming out of meditation, but that you are only changing postures. If you reflect in this way, you will have peace. Wherever you are, you will have this attitude of practice with you constantly. You will have a steady awareness within yourself."
"When sitting in meditation, say, “That’s not my business!” with every thought that comes by."
"The heart of the path is quite easy. There’s no need to explain anything at length. Let go of love and hate and let things be. That’s all that I do in my own practice."
"We practice to learn how to let go, not how to increase our holding on to things. Enlightenment appears when you stop wanting anything."
"If you let go a little, you will have a little peace. If you let go a lot, you will have a lot of peace. If you let go completely, you will have complete peace."
"You are your own teacher. Looking for teachers can’t solve your own doubts. Investigate yourself to find the truth - inside, not outside. Knowing yourself is most important."
"Try to be mindful and let things take their natural course. Then your mind will become still in any surroundings, like a clear forest pool. All kinds of wonderful, rare animals will come to drink at the pool, and you will clearly see the nature of all things. You will see many strange and wonderful things come and go, but you will be still. This is the happiness of the Buddha."
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ajahn_Chah
"When one does not understand death, life can be very confusing."
"The Dhamma has to be found by looking into your own heart and seeing that which is true and that which is not, that which is balanced and that which is not balanced."
"Only one book is worth reading: the heart."
"Don’t think that only sitting with the eyes closed is practice. If you do think this way, then quickly change your thinking. Steady practice is keeping mindful in every posture, whether sitting, walking, standing or lying down. When coming out of sitting, don’t think that you’re coming out of meditation, but that you are only changing postures. If you reflect in this way, you will have peace. Wherever you are, you will have this attitude of practice with you constantly. You will have a steady awareness within yourself."
"When sitting in meditation, say, “That’s not my business!” with every thought that comes by."
"The heart of the path is quite easy. There’s no need to explain anything at length. Let go of love and hate and let things be. That’s all that I do in my own practice."
"We practice to learn how to let go, not how to increase our holding on to things. Enlightenment appears when you stop wanting anything."
"If you let go a little, you will have a little peace. If you let go a lot, you will have a lot of peace. If you let go completely, you will have complete peace."
"You are your own teacher. Looking for teachers can’t solve your own doubts. Investigate yourself to find the truth - inside, not outside. Knowing yourself is most important."
"Try to be mindful and let things take their natural course. Then your mind will become still in any surroundings, like a clear forest pool. All kinds of wonderful, rare animals will come to drink at the pool, and you will clearly see the nature of all things. You will see many strange and wonderful things come and go, but you will be still. This is the happiness of the Buddha."
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ajahn_Chah
Monday, March 27, 2006
MEDITATION
Meditation is the only practice with which our species will be able to make the next step in our evolution. Our kind has become a disease upon this planet, as we are no longer kept at bay by environmental or predatory factors. Regardless of what religion or faith you follow, what country you live in, how rich or poor you are, no matter how smart you are or not, regardless of what you think is right or wrong, all I suggest to do is just try it, meditation is the only method by which we will be able to attain a greater knowledge of this world, and more importantly our own minds which control us. Most of the philosophies we follow today are thousands of years old, and yet we are still stuck in the same mentality far older, and our behavior is becoming more and more aggressive, never have more people died by war and violence than at any other time in the era of our genus. It’s also a shame that drugs have become such a problem in our society, what is it about us that we have come to rely upon them so much, what is lacking in our mentality today. Do we lack the ability to talk to people, is it the fact that we have to much time to think as so much is done for us, and everyone is so obsessed with buying the newest, quickest gadget, or are we finding the stresses of life too hard, what is it that drives people to addiction, does it heal the pain for a few hours, does it numb the body, what ever the reason, the only way you can deal with the situation is to deal with it by meditating, and by avoiding it, you only give it more energy and power to control you, does it arise from a fear of your final demise, is the realization of your own death what drives you to escape, what ever you use, drugs, power, anger, sport, to suppress the pain, will never satisfy. Meditation is the only key to your own mind, and it may not fix all of your problems, but for the first time you will be able to see clearly what the root cause of your fear is, and then from there you will be able to deal with the cause, and finally be able to discover a solution. When I first heard of the practice I was very skeptical, coming from a scientific background studying biology and psychology at university for years, I had never heard of any evidence to backup the evidence I had been given. Until one day when I realized the practice was so easy to begin and understand, a very old practice, available to anyone (many free seminars), and had been used by many great people through out history, Buddha, Jesus, Confucius, Gandhi, Dalai lama, (named in biographical order) how could so many great people be wrong, and since moment i first tried it, I have never looked back, it will clear your mind, and help you to not only understand your own mind but others around you, you will also become more relaxed and be able to deal with many difficult situations far easier, you will not regret the practice, though i admit it can become diffucult without a teacher, dont hold back, reach for the skies and you will never walk alone again
Sunday, March 26, 2006
FALLING
I’m falling faster than usual,
am I dreaming again have I died,
If I wake up will I see you lying by my side,
My heart just wont stop bleeding,
If I wake up will I see you lying by my side,
My heart just wont stop bleeding,
I should never have left you alone,
The pictures won’t heal the tears,
The pictures won’t heal the tears,
will you answer the phone,
No matter how much I breathe,
No matter how much I breathe,
No matter how much I drink,
I want to just keep running,
I want to just keep running,
and running and not think,
The distance between you and I,
The distance between you and I,
has never been further I swear it’s a sin,
Hope is all I have and it’s running thin,
The next few months are going,
Hope is all I have and it’s running thin,
The next few months are going,
to feel like a million winters,
And it’s tearing my mind,
And it’s tearing my mind,
into a billion splinters,
I’m stuck in a place,
I’m stuck in a place,
without you and it’s my own fault,
I was foolish in the past,
I was foolish in the past,
to keep the truth locked in a vault,
I know these tears wont change anything,
I know these tears wont change anything,
but I’ve got to let them out,
Now I’m paying the price, my life is in doubt,
What will take away this pain that know one can see,
Could you understand,
Now I’m paying the price, my life is in doubt,
What will take away this pain that know one can see,
Could you understand,
what I would give you to be with me,
Everyone I see seems to look just like you,
Everyone I see seems to look just like you,
smell just like you, and walk just like you,
I just can’t escape your face even,
I just can’t escape your face even,
when I close my eyes its all in my view,
Down on my knees my hearts,
Down on my knees my hearts,
pounding so loud can you hear,
Nothing else matters when you’re near,
My whole body fills with pain,
I’m breaking down again,
I can’t even get up to walk,
Nothing else matters when you’re near,
My whole body fills with pain,
I’m breaking down again,
I can’t even get up to walk,
and I haven’t eaten for days,
Each breath I take leaves me dazed,
To see your face again is all that will do,
Just to see you,
Each breath I take leaves me dazed,
To see your face again is all that will do,
Just to see you,
and tell you how much I love you.
Friday, March 24, 2006
CHANGE
Change, change, change, we seem so set on preventing it, though inevitable, and very, very necessary, our species depends upon it, and it has been crucial for our survival, and is essential for the next step we must take in the evolution of our own consciousness, everything in this world is in a constant state of flux, and everything is impermanent, and yet we attempt to do everything in our power to prevent it, and our attachment to our surroundings, our bodies, our senses, our own mind, other people, is the cause of so much suffering, no matter where you are now it wont last, no matter how bad your day has been it wont last, no matter how happy you are at work it wont last, no matter how healthy you are it wont last, no matter how many friends you have it wont last, no matter how much you own it wont last, no matter how clean or new something is it wont last, and for anyone to wish for anything to not change is only going to suffer in the future, change is ever-present and all-encompassing, its not so much change, but that there is nothing that is without change, for nothing is static or stationary, eveything in existance does so at its own vibrational level, as atoms and its components are randomly swerving constantly, what is born will die, all forms are impermant and unsatisfactory, dont forget, or ever become deluded, everything from moment to moment is changing and in its form it is also empty, and no matter how much you wish or hope for something to not change, it WILL NOT AND NEVER WILL IT LAST FOREVER. Our own bodies are a good example, we dont even have that much control over them, composed of nothing more than chemicals and atoms, (mainly water), that have arisen from the earth that is millions of years old, and constantly in a state of flux, dying each day and being born again each day, do not become attacthed to it, let it go and realise your existance does not depend upon its survival
Wednesday, March 22, 2006
MY ETERNAL SEARCH
Excerpt From the movie "the matrix"
Morpheus : What _is_ real? How do you _define_ real? If you're
talking about what you can feel, what you can smell, what
you can taste and see, then real is simply electrical
signals interpreted by your brain.
Don’t follow what you don’t understand and question it until you do, your dreams only survive only for as long as your hope does, as a dream can go down two paths dust or diamond, concentration and energy are all that stand between what ever you want and mediocrity or a happiness that is far beyond you know, I want people to rebel against what they don’t understand until they do, especially controlling ones, the point of government was never to rule or conquer, and there are many who should be ashamed of themselves, not only for how they treat other countries but there own people, the purpose of government has always and should always be to serve the people that have elected them, no law should be passed without counsel, the people are the who have the power, yet they don’t realize it, police and government only have power for as long as the people allow it.
Not only have I been searching for the truth but for others also on the path of truth, for some reason I still need too feel that there are others searching, also importantly for advice and discussion, and to learn of their experiences, for our species to evolve communication, with out ego is a must, though so many around me don’t understand and seem content to have found there place in the great big system, happy to be just another cog in the machine and they don’t question why, though I admit it is very subjective but the why has always been a struggle. I dream of a world where my children only have to read about war in their history books at school and not on the front page of the newspaper or see it on the TV each day, is this foolish of me, or is it mans destiny to destroy himself, is it inevitable, of course I know its not I will never believe such a notion, this is what I must fight and rebel against each day, with the small battles which go on inside my own mind, to conquer my own mind is far more difficult to do than any country or piece of land I could never hope to control, I hope that all people are trying to unplug and we can then link up to each other thought the source of our existence and of all life and to evolve to a place where we no longer fear anything and realize what a waste of energy it has been killing each other for no reason other than our own precious little ego, sometimes I’m embarrassed to be part of this race with the amount of destruction we have caused to this planet and all the beings that exist with in it, dead or alive, small or large, seen and unseen there is an underlying essence that binds all life together, and you only ever have to get a glimpse of it, and you will realize just as I have how foolish we can be and will continue to be until we are able to free ourselves of this controlling mind/ego and for the first time make a real choice with what will truly be with our own free will, and is form from a place of divine love and energy
Morpheus : What _is_ real? How do you _define_ real? If you're
talking about what you can feel, what you can smell, what
you can taste and see, then real is simply electrical
signals interpreted by your brain.
Don’t follow what you don’t understand and question it until you do, your dreams only survive only for as long as your hope does, as a dream can go down two paths dust or diamond, concentration and energy are all that stand between what ever you want and mediocrity or a happiness that is far beyond you know, I want people to rebel against what they don’t understand until they do, especially controlling ones, the point of government was never to rule or conquer, and there are many who should be ashamed of themselves, not only for how they treat other countries but there own people, the purpose of government has always and should always be to serve the people that have elected them, no law should be passed without counsel, the people are the who have the power, yet they don’t realize it, police and government only have power for as long as the people allow it.
Not only have I been searching for the truth but for others also on the path of truth, for some reason I still need too feel that there are others searching, also importantly for advice and discussion, and to learn of their experiences, for our species to evolve communication, with out ego is a must, though so many around me don’t understand and seem content to have found there place in the great big system, happy to be just another cog in the machine and they don’t question why, though I admit it is very subjective but the why has always been a struggle. I dream of a world where my children only have to read about war in their history books at school and not on the front page of the newspaper or see it on the TV each day, is this foolish of me, or is it mans destiny to destroy himself, is it inevitable, of course I know its not I will never believe such a notion, this is what I must fight and rebel against each day, with the small battles which go on inside my own mind, to conquer my own mind is far more difficult to do than any country or piece of land I could never hope to control, I hope that all people are trying to unplug and we can then link up to each other thought the source of our existence and of all life and to evolve to a place where we no longer fear anything and realize what a waste of energy it has been killing each other for no reason other than our own precious little ego, sometimes I’m embarrassed to be part of this race with the amount of destruction we have caused to this planet and all the beings that exist with in it, dead or alive, small or large, seen and unseen there is an underlying essence that binds all life together, and you only ever have to get a glimpse of it, and you will realize just as I have how foolish we can be and will continue to be until we are able to free ourselves of this controlling mind/ego and for the first time make a real choice with what will truly be with our own free will, and is form from a place of divine love and energy
LIFE IS SUFFERING
How could you believe that ignorance is bliss, this is for those who are still afraid or don’t understand I have been on the path of truth my whole life (with many wrong turns and dead ends) and would not change a thing there has been suffering on all sides, i have even been the cause of other peoples suffering, which causes me more pain than anything else, which is why I have chosen the path I now walk. To help free those who wish to be free and to challenge the very ground they walk upon if only all, could see the truth that is far beyond anything man made and ease the suffering of those I can. I know there are some countries whose governments wish to do the opposite and continue to blind and enslave there own people my heart truly goes out to them, though i know it will not last long information surrounds us today more than ever and it will set the people free soon and those in power will loose everything but that which they never had in the first place I think I’m more afraid that people don’t care anymore about the world they live in they have become complacent they no longer have to search for food or make there own cloths they just wake each morning in go to work come home eat dinner watch TV and then go to bed and wake up the next day and do it all again they don’t investigate the life around them, I know many people of my generation don’t even understand what the main political parties ideas are or what they will do for the country thou I do admit most are nothing but puppets of a scared society desperately trying to hold to their false sense of control and safety.
I’ve also become very tired of listening to westerns who have nothing better to do but whine and constantly complain about how hard there life is, PLEASE SHUT UP, I guarantee there are over a billion people in Asia, Africa and other parts of the world who have suffered, and are continuing to suffer atrocities far worse than many westerns could ever mange to envisage, I wish they would just grow up sometimes, discover the reality of this world and finally leave there tiny minds and travel to another country where clean water, medicine, and food are not found in the corner store, where people still live in sheds, huts if they are lucky, in conditions that they wouldn’t even let there pets sleep in. Complaining about how hard they have to work in their nice clean neighborhoods, unlike the many people who struggle to survive each day, why don’t you swap for a week and see how you would survive. Complaining about not having a big enough TV, or argue about which celebrity looks "ugly" in that dress, inside there house with a garden and a fence around it, with a supermarket nearby and a school a short drive away in there car, its not as though people aren’t fighting for food, medicine, there homes, clean water, and even there own lives and of the ones they care about the most, love thy neighbor, love thy enemy, love thy self, love all beings and may all attain inner peace and ease
I’ve also become very tired of listening to westerns who have nothing better to do but whine and constantly complain about how hard there life is, PLEASE SHUT UP, I guarantee there are over a billion people in Asia, Africa and other parts of the world who have suffered, and are continuing to suffer atrocities far worse than many westerns could ever mange to envisage, I wish they would just grow up sometimes, discover the reality of this world and finally leave there tiny minds and travel to another country where clean water, medicine, and food are not found in the corner store, where people still live in sheds, huts if they are lucky, in conditions that they wouldn’t even let there pets sleep in. Complaining about how hard they have to work in their nice clean neighborhoods, unlike the many people who struggle to survive each day, why don’t you swap for a week and see how you would survive. Complaining about not having a big enough TV, or argue about which celebrity looks "ugly" in that dress, inside there house with a garden and a fence around it, with a supermarket nearby and a school a short drive away in there car, its not as though people aren’t fighting for food, medicine, there homes, clean water, and even there own lives and of the ones they care about the most, love thy neighbor, love thy enemy, love thy self, love all beings and may all attain inner peace and ease
Tuesday, March 21, 2006
FREE WILL, GOOD LUCK
excerpt from "Waking life"
Take the problem of free will. This problem's been around for a long time, since before Aristotle in B.C. St. Augustine, St. Thomas Aquinas, these guys all worried about how we can be free...if God already knows in advance everything you're gonna do. Nowadays we know that the world operates according to some fundamental physical laws, and these laws govern the behavior of every object in the world. Now, these laws, because they're so trustworthy, they enable incredible technological achievements. But look at yourself. We're just physical systems too. We're just complex arrangements of carbon molecules. We're mostly water, and our behavior isn't gonna be an exception to basic physical laws. So it starts to look like whether it's God setting things up in advance...and knowing everything you're gonna do... or whether it's these basic physical laws governing everything. There's not a lot of room left for freedom. So now you might be tempted to just ignore the question, ignore the mystery of free will. Say, "Oh, well, it's just an historical anecdote. It's sophomoric. It's a question with no answer. Just forget about it." But the question keeps staring you right in the face. You think about individuality, for example, who you are. Who you are is mostly a matter of the free choices that you make. Or take responsibility. You can only be held responsible, you can only be found guilty or admired or respected...for things you did of your own free will. The question keeps coming back, and we don't really have a solution to it. It starts to look like all your decisions are really just a charade. Think about how it happens. There's some electrical activity in your brain. Your neurons fire. They send a signal down into your nervous system. It passes along down into your muscle fibers. They twitch. You might, say, reach out your arm. Looks like it's a free action on your part, but every one of those-- every part of that process...is actually governed by physical law: chemical laws, electrical laws and so on. So now it just looks like the Big Bang set up the initial conditions, and the whole rest of our history, the whole rest of human history and even before, is really just sort of the playing out of subatomic particles...according to these basic fundamental physical laws. We think we’re special. We think we have some kind of special dignity, but that now comes under threat. I mean, that's really challenged by this picture. So you might be saying, "Well, wait a minute. What about quantum mechanics? "I know enough contemporary physical theory to know it's not really like that. "It's really a probabilistic theory. There's room. It's loose. It's not deterministic." And that's gonna enable us to understand free will. But if you look at the details, it's not really gonna help...because what happens is you have some very small quantum particles, and their behavior is apparently a bit random. They swerve. Their behavior is absurd in the sense that it's unpredictable...and we can't understand it based on anything that came before. It just does something out of the blue, according to a probabilistic framework. But is that gonna help with freedom? Should our freedom just be a matter of probabilities, just some random swerving in a chaotic system? That just seems like it's worse. I'd rather be a gear...in a big deterministic, physical machine...than just some random swerving. So we can't just ignore the problem. We have to find room in our contemporary world view for persons, with all that that it entails; not just bodies, but persons. And that means trying to solve the problem of freedom, finding room for choice and responsibility...and trying to understand individuality.
(I'd rather be random swerving than a cog)
Take the problem of free will. This problem's been around for a long time, since before Aristotle in B.C. St. Augustine, St. Thomas Aquinas, these guys all worried about how we can be free...if God already knows in advance everything you're gonna do. Nowadays we know that the world operates according to some fundamental physical laws, and these laws govern the behavior of every object in the world. Now, these laws, because they're so trustworthy, they enable incredible technological achievements. But look at yourself. We're just physical systems too. We're just complex arrangements of carbon molecules. We're mostly water, and our behavior isn't gonna be an exception to basic physical laws. So it starts to look like whether it's God setting things up in advance...and knowing everything you're gonna do... or whether it's these basic physical laws governing everything. There's not a lot of room left for freedom. So now you might be tempted to just ignore the question, ignore the mystery of free will. Say, "Oh, well, it's just an historical anecdote. It's sophomoric. It's a question with no answer. Just forget about it." But the question keeps staring you right in the face. You think about individuality, for example, who you are. Who you are is mostly a matter of the free choices that you make. Or take responsibility. You can only be held responsible, you can only be found guilty or admired or respected...for things you did of your own free will. The question keeps coming back, and we don't really have a solution to it. It starts to look like all your decisions are really just a charade. Think about how it happens. There's some electrical activity in your brain. Your neurons fire. They send a signal down into your nervous system. It passes along down into your muscle fibers. They twitch. You might, say, reach out your arm. Looks like it's a free action on your part, but every one of those-- every part of that process...is actually governed by physical law: chemical laws, electrical laws and so on. So now it just looks like the Big Bang set up the initial conditions, and the whole rest of our history, the whole rest of human history and even before, is really just sort of the playing out of subatomic particles...according to these basic fundamental physical laws. We think we’re special. We think we have some kind of special dignity, but that now comes under threat. I mean, that's really challenged by this picture. So you might be saying, "Well, wait a minute. What about quantum mechanics? "I know enough contemporary physical theory to know it's not really like that. "It's really a probabilistic theory. There's room. It's loose. It's not deterministic." And that's gonna enable us to understand free will. But if you look at the details, it's not really gonna help...because what happens is you have some very small quantum particles, and their behavior is apparently a bit random. They swerve. Their behavior is absurd in the sense that it's unpredictable...and we can't understand it based on anything that came before. It just does something out of the blue, according to a probabilistic framework. But is that gonna help with freedom? Should our freedom just be a matter of probabilities, just some random swerving in a chaotic system? That just seems like it's worse. I'd rather be a gear...in a big deterministic, physical machine...than just some random swerving. So we can't just ignore the problem. We have to find room in our contemporary world view for persons, with all that that it entails; not just bodies, but persons. And that means trying to solve the problem of freedom, finding room for choice and responsibility...and trying to understand individuality.
(I'd rather be random swerving than a cog)
PRIDE IS THE SIGN OF A FOOLISH MAN
Please can we just let it go I'm tired of holding onto this pain for so long I just got to let it out, shout it out to the world that already knows were suffering but for how long will your pride hold onto what wasn’t your fault you’ve just got to let it go you’ve just got to let it out I was so stupid in the past but I'm trying to move on but you got to let it go you got to let it out I know I wont forget but that’s only so I know what I did wrong but I've moved on you got to do the same I know you want to look back and see ,y face hoping for the words but they’ll never come we got to move on I know it hurts but soon you’ll be in a better place I know in my heart you’ll always be there but I want to see you fly I want to see you let it all go and look inside to what you already have its all you’ll ever need don’t be fooled by everything around you because there just as lost looking for an answer they already know but cant let it go don’t wait to long I know in your eyes your still hoping but your body is telling you to keep going you’ve got to keep going don’t stop now we’ve come so far
Monday, March 20, 2006
CONSUMERS
Excerp from movie "Fight Club"
INT. LOU'S TAVERN - SAME
Jack and Tyler sit in the back, with a pitcher of beer.
TYLER You know man, could be worse. A woman could cut off your penis while you're sleeping and toss it out the window of a moving car.
JACK There's always that. I don't know, it's just...when you buy furniture, you tell yourself: that's it, that's the last sofa I'm gonna need. No matter what else happens, I've got that sofa problem handled. I had it all. I had a stereo that was very decent, a wardrobe that was getting very respectable. I was so close to being complete.
TYLER Shit, man, now it's all gone.
JACK All gone.
TYLER Do you know what a duvet it?
JACK Comforter.
TYLER It's a blanket, just a blanket. Now why guys like you and I know what a duvet is? Is this essential to our survival? In the hunter-gathered sense of the word? No. What are we then?
JACK You know, consumers.
TYLER Right. We're consumers. We're by-products of a lifestyle obsession. Murder, crime, poverty -- these things don't concern me. What concerns me is celebrity magazines, television with five hundred channels, some guy's name on my underwear. Rogaine, Viagra, Olestra.
JACK Martha Stewart.
TYLER Fuck Martha Stewart. Martha's polishes on the brass of the Titanic. It's all going down, man! So fuck off, with your sofa units and your green stripe patterns. I say never be complete. I say stop being perfect. I say let's evolve and let the chips fall where they may. But that's me, I could be wrong, maybe it's a terrible tragedy.
JACK No, it's just stuff.
TYLER Well, you did lose a lot of versatile solutions for a modern life.
JACK Fuck, you're right.
Tyler offers Jack a cigarette.
JACK No, I don't smoke. My insurance will probably cover it, so... Tyler stares at him
JACK What?
TYLER The things you own, end up owing you. But do what you like, man.
INT. LOU'S TAVERN - SAME
Jack and Tyler sit in the back, with a pitcher of beer.
TYLER You know man, could be worse. A woman could cut off your penis while you're sleeping and toss it out the window of a moving car.
JACK There's always that. I don't know, it's just...when you buy furniture, you tell yourself: that's it, that's the last sofa I'm gonna need. No matter what else happens, I've got that sofa problem handled. I had it all. I had a stereo that was very decent, a wardrobe that was getting very respectable. I was so close to being complete.
TYLER Shit, man, now it's all gone.
JACK All gone.
TYLER Do you know what a duvet it?
JACK Comforter.
TYLER It's a blanket, just a blanket. Now why guys like you and I know what a duvet is? Is this essential to our survival? In the hunter-gathered sense of the word? No. What are we then?
JACK You know, consumers.
TYLER Right. We're consumers. We're by-products of a lifestyle obsession. Murder, crime, poverty -- these things don't concern me. What concerns me is celebrity magazines, television with five hundred channels, some guy's name on my underwear. Rogaine, Viagra, Olestra.
JACK Martha Stewart.
TYLER Fuck Martha Stewart. Martha's polishes on the brass of the Titanic. It's all going down, man! So fuck off, with your sofa units and your green stripe patterns. I say never be complete. I say stop being perfect. I say let's evolve and let the chips fall where they may. But that's me, I could be wrong, maybe it's a terrible tragedy.
JACK No, it's just stuff.
TYLER Well, you did lose a lot of versatile solutions for a modern life.
JACK Fuck, you're right.
Tyler offers Jack a cigarette.
JACK No, I don't smoke. My insurance will probably cover it, so... Tyler stares at him
JACK What?
TYLER The things you own, end up owing you. But do what you like, man.
Saturday, March 18, 2006
I HOPE YOUR PAIN WONT LAST
I never thought it would come to this,
I never thought your pride was so strong,
But you gotta let it go, Before you hurt someone else
Before you forget the reason why,
How long will it take
How long can you wait
I hope your pain wont last forever
I hope you can smile soon
So many don’t understand, and for so long I thought it was a curse,
But now I can see that I’ve been blessed,
And now I can see even clearer than I have ever before
Its been so long, and I never felt sorry or afraid,
I’ve had my own battles to fight, having lost more than I had wanted,
Thou I see there are no winners when both are fighting,
And what I had once wanted has disappeared into thin air,
The lesson I’ve learned is to trust your heart.
No longer do we have faith anymore, only what we see,
I had to learn how to see the truth without my eyes
Open up my heart to the world around me
That I had shut out for so long
It was a love that I couldn’t keep, that I didn’t understand,
That woke me from the spell of the storm
Now I’ve found it again, I don’t want to loose the universe,
I don’t wont to loose the only thing I care about
The tracks had to be cleared and found
Speeding down into the future with a heart that’s no longer bound,
I finally feel free, having found my wheels,
Let me go and I’ll show you how it feels
Later on in the day 15:36
Stages of dealing with death
Denial
Anger
Bargaining
Depression
Acceptance
The whole point of life was never to get married in the first place, so just let it go, your identity doesnt rely upon ANYONE ELSE, it only hurts because you wont let it go and you have spent so much energy time and money on creating a world that was never going to last, do you think the world stops because two people have lost something they never had any way, it was also never meant to gain gold or cloths, large homes or fast cars, but to gain a knowledge of the universe, of your own mind, and then why do you think that you exist just now because you have gotten married, just because you spend so much of your lives together they are still two completely separate lives, with their own destines and energies, and purposes.
The moment we drop our fears and love ourselves and each other the sooner we can make that next step in evolution and leave all this suffering and the moment we stop blaming others and the world for our suffering the better the only person to blame is the one blaming, why don’t we actually look inside ourselves, our own mind and bodies, don’t be fooled happiness and ever lasting life already exist beyond our dreams and all you have to do is let go.
Don’t be a slave to society just because some one tells you so don’t believe them listen to your heart, most of our suffering has arisen out of fear, were afraid people wont like us or they’ll laugh at us, who cares nothing really matters only through the lack of fear and an "egoless love" can we know our true selves and then love will shine through you automatically, the most important tool in the world and yet most of us never even try to train it is our own mind, what good is it that we can fly to the moon yet we cant even feed our own children we spend more money on entertainment than we do helping each other, its really sad to see how much suffering there is in the world that can be eased so easily, but people would rather see how fast they can make a car go round and round, or how far they can hit or kick a ball.
I never thought your pride was so strong,
But you gotta let it go, Before you hurt someone else
Before you forget the reason why,
How long will it take
How long can you wait
I hope your pain wont last forever
I hope you can smile soon
So many don’t understand, and for so long I thought it was a curse,
But now I can see that I’ve been blessed,
And now I can see even clearer than I have ever before
Its been so long, and I never felt sorry or afraid,
I’ve had my own battles to fight, having lost more than I had wanted,
Thou I see there are no winners when both are fighting,
And what I had once wanted has disappeared into thin air,
The lesson I’ve learned is to trust your heart.
No longer do we have faith anymore, only what we see,
I had to learn how to see the truth without my eyes
Open up my heart to the world around me
That I had shut out for so long
It was a love that I couldn’t keep, that I didn’t understand,
That woke me from the spell of the storm
Now I’ve found it again, I don’t want to loose the universe,
I don’t wont to loose the only thing I care about
The tracks had to be cleared and found
Speeding down into the future with a heart that’s no longer bound,
I finally feel free, having found my wheels,
Let me go and I’ll show you how it feels
Later on in the day 15:36
Stages of dealing with death
Denial
Anger
Bargaining
Depression
Acceptance
The whole point of life was never to get married in the first place, so just let it go, your identity doesnt rely upon ANYONE ELSE, it only hurts because you wont let it go and you have spent so much energy time and money on creating a world that was never going to last, do you think the world stops because two people have lost something they never had any way, it was also never meant to gain gold or cloths, large homes or fast cars, but to gain a knowledge of the universe, of your own mind, and then why do you think that you exist just now because you have gotten married, just because you spend so much of your lives together they are still two completely separate lives, with their own destines and energies, and purposes.
The moment we drop our fears and love ourselves and each other the sooner we can make that next step in evolution and leave all this suffering and the moment we stop blaming others and the world for our suffering the better the only person to blame is the one blaming, why don’t we actually look inside ourselves, our own mind and bodies, don’t be fooled happiness and ever lasting life already exist beyond our dreams and all you have to do is let go.
Don’t be a slave to society just because some one tells you so don’t believe them listen to your heart, most of our suffering has arisen out of fear, were afraid people wont like us or they’ll laugh at us, who cares nothing really matters only through the lack of fear and an "egoless love" can we know our true selves and then love will shine through you automatically, the most important tool in the world and yet most of us never even try to train it is our own mind, what good is it that we can fly to the moon yet we cant even feed our own children we spend more money on entertainment than we do helping each other, its really sad to see how much suffering there is in the world that can be eased so easily, but people would rather see how fast they can make a car go round and round, or how far they can hit or kick a ball.
PURPOSE
without fate/destiny there is no purpose without purpose there is nothing, for everything there is a reason for existance, without cause and effect nothing can exist, everything is born from something that already exists
"We fear things in proportion to our ignorance of them” Livy –Roman historian 64 or 59 bc- 17 ad
"We fear things in proportion to our ignorance of them” Livy –Roman historian 64 or 59 bc- 17 ad
OPEN THE DOOR
Another day without sleep, and with the heat my heart weeps,
I’m not quite sure, but something opened up the door,
You dropped into my heart, no chance to start,
No doctor could resuscitate in time, nor could I ever climb,
Nothing worse than when all you know, is to wait for the seeds to sow,
I just wanna be close, pick a rose,
I just wanna see you smiling, tired of dialling
I just wanna know what your feeling, just your picture is still healing,
I’m not quite sure, but something opened up the door,
You dropped into my heart, no chance to start,
No doctor could resuscitate in time, nor could I ever climb,
Nothing worse than when all you know, is to wait for the seeds to sow,
I just wanna be close, pick a rose,
I just wanna see you smiling, tired of dialling
I just wanna know what your feeling, just your picture is still healing,
WHAT ABOUT TOMORROW
it would be interesting if could jump 20 years into the future and see what happens, the last couple of the years I’ve been wandering what it was that i’m going to be doing the next year, for most of my life always had school to go to, but now after my trip I have finally found something I’m willing to strive before, something I can focus upon to better the world and in the same process my own life, never did I want anything until she fell upon my path, something I could never have planned not even Nostradamus could have predicted that this would happen, in fact he probably could have but maybe not me specifically, now all the pieces are falling into place as my time is here to be reigned upon, to fertilise the ground and watch the mountains part, ha ha ha, only in my own lunch box, but it would be nice to see how things pan out, I guess if you expect everything to change, you will never be disappointed
RELY ON NOBODY
in the end all we really have is ourself, to rely on, who else is going to be there when its all over, aren’t going to have any parents, no lover, no teacher, no musicians, no children, no politicians, so don’t waste ya time chasing what ya aren’t ever going to catch, you know you don’t need the shit anyway, so keep it real, and do what ya have to, to survive, you’ll be lucky if you can do that, because all you wanna do is chase what every one else’s is, yet your all blind chasing what every one else is yet nobody knows who is running in the lead, your all just running in circles if you just took a second to stop and smell the roses you find a friend in yourself, and realize that it all isn’t that,
DOUBT, WHAT DOUBT
can one ever get rid of doubt or is that an ever growing part of the mind as we age, for when we are young we never doubt anything, but maybe as we grow older and experience more we realise that there is no sure thing, and that really anything can happen and does, so maybe then as we get older we need to open our mind up to the possibility that more things will go wrong as we try to control everything, is that what doubt is, the fact that as we get older we try to control more and more what we cant, and deep down we know that, so why keep running, why keep trying to control everything. This week as been good, meeting min park, and getting some teaching organised, and realising how much better it has been not being with the parents, i’m free to do anything but doing nothing at all, that’s more appealing to me as I did what I wanted before any way, its just I copped the crap for it afterward but now there’s no one and the standards of living have changed, as in terms of what is to be expected, its going to be hot today, but at least it’s the last day of the week so I can relax tomorrow which is always my favourite, life at the moment is going along quite comfortably, not to many hassles and no dramas, just kicking back saving and working and a little bit of drinking, not the greatest for achieving but more of a platform to achieve at a latter date, like a seed ready to hatch or a bird ready to fly, first the prep work then sizing up the situation, which could be a little more than I had expected but that always seems to be the case for me so it will certainly be a challenge, hopefully the start of helping those who wouldn’t get the chance otherwise, and its not like something that I don’t know, I’ve been doing it for a while now,
WHAT CHARM
Aries “ if you want to mount a battle don’t mount a campaign of pressure, launch a charm offensive. A well chosen word, whispered seductively in the right ear at the right moment, is more influential than a long speech, delivered at full volume through an enormous loud speaker. You may feel that you shouldn’t have to be nice in order to bring about a result that is right. If you care enough about the outcome, though, you will go beyond your sense of annoyance, and will simply pursue the most positive, practical route to success.”
DONT FREAK, JUST RELAX
I’ve been thinking lately of how lucky I’ve been over the last few months but then I don’t believe in luck, everything comes down to karma which usually freaks people out or they just don’t want to deal with it because it means they aren’t in control of their future but then you never can because everything in the universe is governed by specific laws of the past, chemistry and physics and that everything has to exist in an equilibrium so of course you are in control but also limited by what you have done in the past but then karma only means action and its judgment is laid upon it by humans and their limited perception of time and space because so many times when something bad has happened down the track you realise its been a blessing but then if you take it further the closer to the eternal source of life there is no such thing as man animal or mineral because they are all just physical entities of the earth and the stars and are governed by the physical properties of those elements which are made up largely of space as the electrons are constantly in random movement which is why everything consists of more of space or emptiness than anything else and they are in constant motion regardless of its physical form whether a rock tree or human all we are, are masses of emptiness in constant motion so you realise our goal has nothing to do with this world at all but the basic state of all life which is energy and consciousness to return to the basic form which can not be labelled because it can not be known by the mind but to just be where there are no men or women, animals or even fear because there all manifestations of the ego the ego only knows things about something but not its natural state because it would be destroyed and become purposeless because it would realise that the state above is exponentially more blissful than anything it could create and that basically nothing really matters the more you own the more it owns and controls you and your life as you start having to live to work and continue buying crap you don’t need instead of just working to live, if people realised that they didn’t need it and that it doesn’t define them there would be no rich or poor and the whole world economy would collapse we are not human we can never be rich or poor because they are judgements based upon particles that will last for billions of years in constant motion do you ever think what it takes to meet someone new or change those who are in your life regardless of whether you want to judge an event in your life by good or bad which in essence is only based upon how much suffering it brings to you or those around you, because they don’t exist also because our judgments are not universal what one person may see as good another person standing next in line might see it as the most horrific event of their life when in essence they are both unaware of workings of the universe, as the happiest moments in your life can only exist because of some one else’s suffering, for something good to happen in your life some is suffering, and vice versa when something bad happens in your life some one else benefits and sees the event as positive, molecules are constantly flying through the air and interacting with our own bodies and everything else around us, do you think they care of old age or death so why then when grouped in a large mass and called human should it make a difference we can barely control the workings of our own bodies, breathing, heart beat disease old age, temperature, what makes us think we can control the future the only freedom there is as Ajahn Brahm puts it is that the only true freedom is, freedom from desires and not its opposite which our society tries to sell us at every step of our life and that’s freedom of desire, as where constantly bombarded with media trying imprint onto our psyche only one will lead to any happiness or fulfilment the other is just like giving a bone to a dog he can chew on it for as long as he likes but will always remain hungry and all we have to do is let go, its only when we have lost everything can we be free.
LET IT RAIN
All I can see is my dreams coming true, I will do everything I have to,
So many people are saying your going to fail, that its going to rain and even hail,
I wont listen to what people tell me I cant do, I know already I can do anything I want to, I know you all have your own fears, that’s why you’ve stayed the same all these years,
I won’t let them bring me down, you all still have time to …..town,
Its all in your own belief, nothing is over till its over but you have turn your own leaf,
My life’s been nothing but luck lying under the rock stuck, as a window smashed as a door was locked,
Sometimes its not easy to see the way, cant even trust what my I own head is saying,
my minds running so fast I cant even see, thou I can feel people praying for me,
I know everything will be okay,
I know everything is up to me,
it doesn’t matter what they say
it doesn’t matter you’ll see
all I can see is the rainbow finally rising in the sky, there have been times I wanted to die its been so dark for so long, I never knew what I wanted that I was always wrong,
trying something new everyday, all I could see was the clouds above so grey,
I had to leave and see some new places, and find some new faces,
All I found is that love is all we need, to love your enemies would destroy the weeds,
that grow in our minds for every body would be family, why is it so hard for everybody, to see it’s the only way we are going to live, so much easier to love and forgive
because an eye for an eye will turn the whole world blind, so don’t just burn
don’t take what you cant replace, and to give love wont cost you any race,
its taken so long for times to change, so hard for our elders to give up there range,
we cant give up now, lets just love one another, we’ve gotta make a vow,
true love doesn’t know anger or hate, could never take or destroy, lets just clear the slate.
All I want to do is close my eyes, and just have you there by side when I open them again, I’ve never longed for so little before in my life, having taken so long to find you and what the plans for me were, just a touch upon your face, or the smell of your neck as I hold you close, to really the best things in life are free, and that they are so simple, I never want to let you go, the time we have spent apart has taken all my energy to just keep on breathing, I’ve never had to work so hard at just living, all my dream involve making yours come true, I just wanna know if your heart is real, I just wanna know its what I feel, you don’t have to worry where I’ll be, doesn’t matter how far I travel or who I see, my heart will only belong to you, I don’t wont you to think so much I
just open your hearts and see that all life, survives on the edge of a knife,
a balance that all life depends on no matter how far you can see, a tree or a star,
all life is after happiness, I wish that all can see before its to late, I wish that they all see that so much doesn’t mean anything, if you could see the truth of the universe you wouldn’t care about anything but the life and love that surrounds us all no matter where we are or how we feel,
So many people are saying your going to fail, that its going to rain and even hail,
I wont listen to what people tell me I cant do, I know already I can do anything I want to, I know you all have your own fears, that’s why you’ve stayed the same all these years,
I won’t let them bring me down, you all still have time to …..town,
Its all in your own belief, nothing is over till its over but you have turn your own leaf,
My life’s been nothing but luck lying under the rock stuck, as a window smashed as a door was locked,
Sometimes its not easy to see the way, cant even trust what my I own head is saying,
my minds running so fast I cant even see, thou I can feel people praying for me,
I know everything will be okay,
I know everything is up to me,
it doesn’t matter what they say
it doesn’t matter you’ll see
all I can see is the rainbow finally rising in the sky, there have been times I wanted to die its been so dark for so long, I never knew what I wanted that I was always wrong,
trying something new everyday, all I could see was the clouds above so grey,
I had to leave and see some new places, and find some new faces,
All I found is that love is all we need, to love your enemies would destroy the weeds,
that grow in our minds for every body would be family, why is it so hard for everybody, to see it’s the only way we are going to live, so much easier to love and forgive
because an eye for an eye will turn the whole world blind, so don’t just burn
don’t take what you cant replace, and to give love wont cost you any race,
its taken so long for times to change, so hard for our elders to give up there range,
we cant give up now, lets just love one another, we’ve gotta make a vow,
true love doesn’t know anger or hate, could never take or destroy, lets just clear the slate.
All I want to do is close my eyes, and just have you there by side when I open them again, I’ve never longed for so little before in my life, having taken so long to find you and what the plans for me were, just a touch upon your face, or the smell of your neck as I hold you close, to really the best things in life are free, and that they are so simple, I never want to let you go, the time we have spent apart has taken all my energy to just keep on breathing, I’ve never had to work so hard at just living, all my dream involve making yours come true, I just wanna know if your heart is real, I just wanna know its what I feel, you don’t have to worry where I’ll be, doesn’t matter how far I travel or who I see, my heart will only belong to you, I don’t wont you to think so much I
just open your hearts and see that all life, survives on the edge of a knife,
a balance that all life depends on no matter how far you can see, a tree or a star,
all life is after happiness, I wish that all can see before its to late, I wish that they all see that so much doesn’t mean anything, if you could see the truth of the universe you wouldn’t care about anything but the life and love that surrounds us all no matter where we are or how we feel,
WHATS SECOND
Only thru fear, will one gain fear,
With thought all you will gain is desire,
Only thru no thought, will you abandon desire
Emptiness makes the world,
Only through the lack of desire can one taste freedom, don’t allow anyone to tell you what you can do or not, except for the obvious grievous bodily harm, this is what will limit you, and don’t settle for second best, since when has that been any ones dream, but to gain “success” in your goal, in you must be honest and true to all that is, because if you don’t listen to the winds of ignorance, than you have to trust yourself and truly know what you can actually do, and your strengths, no one is good at everything, in fact everyone is very average at almost everything, it’s the special gifts we posses that set us apart, so don’t try to be good at everything, its not important, what’s important is to know what you are good, and finding those who are good at what you are not, and to know when to give, and when to take, when to burn, and when to freeze, when to fly and when to sink, fire can not beat fire, and water can not beat water, this is balance, and the way of all things, you must become a drop of water, as it is released from the cloud it is upon it own for the first time, and it can see the world, and endures its own experiences, until the next moment when it lands upon the ocean and becomes one with it eternal soul, it returns to where it came from, water always returns back to the ocean one day. And it will always find a path back home.
With thought all you will gain is desire,
Only thru no thought, will you abandon desire
Emptiness makes the world,
Only through the lack of desire can one taste freedom, don’t allow anyone to tell you what you can do or not, except for the obvious grievous bodily harm, this is what will limit you, and don’t settle for second best, since when has that been any ones dream, but to gain “success” in your goal, in you must be honest and true to all that is, because if you don’t listen to the winds of ignorance, than you have to trust yourself and truly know what you can actually do, and your strengths, no one is good at everything, in fact everyone is very average at almost everything, it’s the special gifts we posses that set us apart, so don’t try to be good at everything, its not important, what’s important is to know what you are good, and finding those who are good at what you are not, and to know when to give, and when to take, when to burn, and when to freeze, when to fly and when to sink, fire can not beat fire, and water can not beat water, this is balance, and the way of all things, you must become a drop of water, as it is released from the cloud it is upon it own for the first time, and it can see the world, and endures its own experiences, until the next moment when it lands upon the ocean and becomes one with it eternal soul, it returns to where it came from, water always returns back to the ocean one day. And it will always find a path back home.
SPACE, AVOID, PEOPLE
59 excerpts from “Lao-tzu’s Taoteching” Redpine translation
Verse 11
“thirty spokes converge on a hub
but it’s the emptiness
that makes a wheel work
pots are fashioned from clay
but it’s the hollow
that makes a pot work
windows and doors are carved for a house
but it’s the spaces
that make a house work
existence makes something useful
but nonexistance makes it work” pg 22
verse 29
“trying to govern the world with force
I see this is not succeeding
The world is a spiritual thing
It cant be forced
To force it is to harm it
To control it is to lose it
Sometimes things lead
Sometimes they follow
Sometimes blow hot
Sometimes blows cold
Sometimes expand
Sometimes collapse
Therefore the sage avoids extremes
Avoids extravagance
Avoids excess.” Pg 58
Verse 49
“the sage has no mind of his own
his mind is the mind of the people
to the good he is good
to the bad he is good
until they become good
to the true he is true
to the false he is true
until they become true
in the world the sage withdraws
with others he merges his mind
people open their ears and eyes
the sage covers them up.” Pg 98
“empty your body and mind. No one can fight against nothing.”
Kumarajiva
Confucius asked Tzu-kung, “do yo think I learn in order to increase my knowledge? Tzu-kung answered, “well don’t you” Confucius said, “no, I seek one thing that ties everything together” lunyu:15.2
Verse 11
“thirty spokes converge on a hub
but it’s the emptiness
that makes a wheel work
pots are fashioned from clay
but it’s the hollow
that makes a pot work
windows and doors are carved for a house
but it’s the spaces
that make a house work
existence makes something useful
but nonexistance makes it work” pg 22
verse 29
“trying to govern the world with force
I see this is not succeeding
The world is a spiritual thing
It cant be forced
To force it is to harm it
To control it is to lose it
Sometimes things lead
Sometimes they follow
Sometimes blow hot
Sometimes blows cold
Sometimes expand
Sometimes collapse
Therefore the sage avoids extremes
Avoids extravagance
Avoids excess.” Pg 58
Verse 49
“the sage has no mind of his own
his mind is the mind of the people
to the good he is good
to the bad he is good
until they become good
to the true he is true
to the false he is true
until they become true
in the world the sage withdraws
with others he merges his mind
people open their ears and eyes
the sage covers them up.” Pg 98
“empty your body and mind. No one can fight against nothing.”
Kumarajiva
Confucius asked Tzu-kung, “do yo think I learn in order to increase my knowledge? Tzu-kung answered, “well don’t you” Confucius said, “no, I seek one thing that ties everything together” lunyu:15.2
MY OWN JAIL
All I can remember when I got back was that I never wanted to be here again, even after all I had been through, I still wanted to stay and now all I want to do is go back to where I felt like home, maybe it was because I was a farang but who knows I’ll find out soon.
What’s right and wrong is beyond heaven and earth and love is what binds all things together you can call it what you like god or energy but neither are in control, yet each have an individual path and none of them exist without emptiness which is necessary for the existence of all things, light cant travel, and love can not be expressed or received, if you are to believe in one thing in this world it is love, it must be love that is beyond ego and beyond any physical attraction it must be stripped of all labels like the bark of a tree, for all things are done in its name, but the problem arises because of the ego and it not being shared by all, cause so many don’t know what love truly is, its beyond religion, beyond borders, beyond sickness and health, beyond life and death, beyond government, beyond education, beyond this earth and its existed forever, and will go on, there are many paths to it and they all begin the day were born, some get distracted with work and some with money, some with fame and family, some fear and drugs, but one day all life will return back to where it came from all that is dark will become light and vice versa, there is nothing to fear because nothing is real except the love that binds all that exists, which has always been and always will be just because we have different labels for everything doesn’t mean its separate from our own being, the world, the universe and everything that exists must exist in a state of equilibrium for nature of man, love and hate cant exist for all that exists is in a state of duality, with out it, it cannot exist so when one side becomes stronger or weaker lighter or darker the opposite will step in to even out the other side, as in the ying and yang, for there to be love there must be hate for there to be peace there must be war, when one grows strong its opposite will take over, soon the rich will far out number the poor, thereby eliminating rich and poor.
Soon the sun will be gone and I’ll be alone again to dream and wonder what tomorrow will bring, I listen to the birds sing and they tell me of better times ahead, in trying to find what I cant see, but I know how it feels, I await like a bee and its flower, the rose and the rain, I need to find how to, make the pain disappear it seems that no matter what I hear I can not rest until I see and feel what I know is real I need to let go of my empty fears and doubts and care not to make tomorrow better but grow into the now, and set what I need to do, for tomorrow is not promised today, there is no point in only doing, what others say but to keep honest to your own self, destiny will see you through if only you don’t cheat and steal, there is more to this world that what one can see and understand but that doesn’t mean that happiness is far away its already inside of us if only you can understand a little of this plane you will never have to worry, everything will be alright in the end, as everything must come and go but is never lost if you love all that is for all that is, love no matter what it is you do like a piece of a puzzle or a brick in the wall each is as important as the last and as strong as the next.
What’s right and wrong is beyond heaven and earth and love is what binds all things together you can call it what you like god or energy but neither are in control, yet each have an individual path and none of them exist without emptiness which is necessary for the existence of all things, light cant travel, and love can not be expressed or received, if you are to believe in one thing in this world it is love, it must be love that is beyond ego and beyond any physical attraction it must be stripped of all labels like the bark of a tree, for all things are done in its name, but the problem arises because of the ego and it not being shared by all, cause so many don’t know what love truly is, its beyond religion, beyond borders, beyond sickness and health, beyond life and death, beyond government, beyond education, beyond this earth and its existed forever, and will go on, there are many paths to it and they all begin the day were born, some get distracted with work and some with money, some with fame and family, some fear and drugs, but one day all life will return back to where it came from all that is dark will become light and vice versa, there is nothing to fear because nothing is real except the love that binds all that exists, which has always been and always will be just because we have different labels for everything doesn’t mean its separate from our own being, the world, the universe and everything that exists must exist in a state of equilibrium for nature of man, love and hate cant exist for all that exists is in a state of duality, with out it, it cannot exist so when one side becomes stronger or weaker lighter or darker the opposite will step in to even out the other side, as in the ying and yang, for there to be love there must be hate for there to be peace there must be war, when one grows strong its opposite will take over, soon the rich will far out number the poor, thereby eliminating rich and poor.
Soon the sun will be gone and I’ll be alone again to dream and wonder what tomorrow will bring, I listen to the birds sing and they tell me of better times ahead, in trying to find what I cant see, but I know how it feels, I await like a bee and its flower, the rose and the rain, I need to find how to, make the pain disappear it seems that no matter what I hear I can not rest until I see and feel what I know is real I need to let go of my empty fears and doubts and care not to make tomorrow better but grow into the now, and set what I need to do, for tomorrow is not promised today, there is no point in only doing, what others say but to keep honest to your own self, destiny will see you through if only you don’t cheat and steal, there is more to this world that what one can see and understand but that doesn’t mean that happiness is far away its already inside of us if only you can understand a little of this plane you will never have to worry, everything will be alright in the end, as everything must come and go but is never lost if you love all that is for all that is, love no matter what it is you do like a piece of a puzzle or a brick in the wall each is as important as the last and as strong as the next.
Wednesday, March 08, 2006
THE EMOTIONAL EDGE
I wonder if that when you get weak that you become more sensitive to your surroundings, or is it something else that brings you closer to that edge of emotion
Thursday, March 02, 2006
MY PERSONAL LEGEND
Alchemist – Paulo Coelho
“I’m the king of Salem,” The old man had said.
“Why would a king be talking with a shepherd?” the boy asked, awed and embarrassed.
“For several reasons. But let’s say that the most important is that you have succeeded in discovering your Personal Legend.”
The boy didn’t know what a person’s “Personal Legend” was.
“It’s what you have always wanted to accomplish. Everyone, when they are young, knows what their Personal Legend is.
“At that point in their lives, everything is clear and everything is possible. They are not afraid to dream, and to yearn for everything they would like to see happen to them in their lives. But, as time passes, a mysterious force begins to convince them that it will be impossible for them to realize their Personal Legend.”
None of what the old man was saying made much sense to the boy. But he wanted to know what the mysterious force” was; the merchants daughter would be impressed when he told her about that.
“it’s a force that appears to be negative, but actually shows you how to realize your Personal Legend. It prepares your spirit and your will, because there is one great truth on this planet: whoever you are, or whatever it is that you do, when you really want something, it’s because that desire originated in the soul of the universe. Its your mission on earth.”
“even when all you want to do is travel? Or marry the daughter of a textile merchant?”
“yes, or even search for treasure. The soul of the world is nourished by peoples happiness. And also by unhappiness, envy, and jealousy. To realize ones personal legend is a persons only real obligation. All things are one.
‘and when you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it.”
“I’m the king of Salem,” The old man had said.
“Why would a king be talking with a shepherd?” the boy asked, awed and embarrassed.
“For several reasons. But let’s say that the most important is that you have succeeded in discovering your Personal Legend.”
The boy didn’t know what a person’s “Personal Legend” was.
“It’s what you have always wanted to accomplish. Everyone, when they are young, knows what their Personal Legend is.
“At that point in their lives, everything is clear and everything is possible. They are not afraid to dream, and to yearn for everything they would like to see happen to them in their lives. But, as time passes, a mysterious force begins to convince them that it will be impossible for them to realize their Personal Legend.”
None of what the old man was saying made much sense to the boy. But he wanted to know what the mysterious force” was; the merchants daughter would be impressed when he told her about that.
“it’s a force that appears to be negative, but actually shows you how to realize your Personal Legend. It prepares your spirit and your will, because there is one great truth on this planet: whoever you are, or whatever it is that you do, when you really want something, it’s because that desire originated in the soul of the universe. Its your mission on earth.”
“even when all you want to do is travel? Or marry the daughter of a textile merchant?”
“yes, or even search for treasure. The soul of the world is nourished by peoples happiness. And also by unhappiness, envy, and jealousy. To realize ones personal legend is a persons only real obligation. All things are one.
‘and when you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it.”
LOSE WHAT
Aries “ if you want a clearer conscience you should do the right thing by others, but in order to attain happiness you must be true to yourself. The choice seems simple, but either way you lose.”
Thursday, February 23, 2006
I"LL BE BACK
never leave the one you love, for the first time I actually felt tall, at a recent b’day party where a few de la boys were, I can wait to be moving out, its been a long time coming, and will be good if I can get extra work, and save enough money, hopefully with the drug trials I will be cashed up.
Sunday, February 19, 2006
PATIENCE, PURPOSE, PLACE
i’m beginning to loose my grip on what I want for the long term, and am just trying to get where I want to get as quick as possible, maybe because after reading my book again, that its all empty anyway, and so what’s the point, do I rush in like fools, or do I wait, I know I will wait till mid April, but I don’t know if I want to, maybe I should go to somewhere else first close by if I can just for the experience cause I might not get it again, and then I can stay around for a while, I just don’t know what to do with my self, I think it would be better to go away again for a while and then comeback, and then go again somewhere else, but really does it matter, I shouldn’t be thinking so much about it now, I need patience this is my test now, this is my purpose now, and everything else will fall into place, I need to let go and just breathe,
Saturday, February 11, 2006
LET ME GO
I don’t know what else you want me to do,
I hope it hurts less and the pain fades
Just let me see it thru, I’ll be true,
I still cant look you in the face without these shades.
I never want to see the face again,
I new it was my shame
Let me in, wont you let me, my heart is yours for as long as you need,
You don’t need to bleed, to bleed for me anymore,
What’s the point, what are we fighting for,
When we fight no reason it breaks me down,
But when I see you thru the light in your gown,
Something within me cares for nothing more,
But to hold you and your child by loves shore
What more do you want me to do
What more do you want from me
I hope it hurts less and the pain fades
Just let me see it thru, I’ll be true,
I still cant look you in the face without these shades.
I never want to see the face again,
I new it was my shame
Let me in, wont you let me, my heart is yours for as long as you need,
You don’t need to bleed, to bleed for me anymore,
What’s the point, what are we fighting for,
When we fight no reason it breaks me down,
But when I see you thru the light in your gown,
Something within me cares for nothing more,
But to hold you and your child by loves shore
What more do you want me to do
What more do you want from me
Sunday, February 05, 2006
THE ABYSS
i’m being pulled into an abyss, I wish not to enter but can not peel away from the suction of its energy, I can also know no way out, what is happening, how come I never know what’s happening on the inside, what’s going today, has this always been there, why now, I just wish to be on my own, I don’t wanna talk to any one or really even see anyone, and I really miss my baby, is this it, is that all there is, or is there something else going on that I don’t see, I know I will not last a year here thou maybe I could if it was enough or there was a real need to, but maybe I can get out earlier, I hope, I need to figure a few things out first for a minimum and maximum time, for when I want and need to stay or leave.
Wednesday, January 18, 2006
THE DARK ROAD
I’ve my plans of teaching a little ahead of schedule, which I hope will turn out to be for the best, I really can’t wait not ill I get out of here and again and go exploring new worlds, this is what the rest of my life will be, I will never lead the normal of life of what society conforms most people to do, I will not conform, I have had the experience to have just a sneak peak at what the universe is all about, I am no longer a lost soul amongst many, but one now with a direction, finally, and I might even graduate, which will be good, but I don’t really care, I just want it to help me to get where i’m going now, which is up baby, from now it will always be at a certain level, and no matter what tragedy will happen, I will not be at this point again. I have found my freedom within myself, it I’ve never felt more alive, everything seems to be getting better. Life is always in motion, you cant stop it, all you can hope to do is hang on and hope for the best, nothing can stay stagnant unless you want it to, and even then it’s a struggle, the world is in constant motion, why stay still, only in the mind should be still, and with this inaction, all else will fall into place. About four months and I will be off again, i’m so happy about it already, just need to start makin some money now and it will all be back on track, looking forward to this new course as well, which will be sweet, this will be my whole goal for the next month or so from when I get my shit, till the end of the year, I cant wait
THERE IS LIGHT AT THE END OF THE TUNNEL
“I can’t be Japanese and I cant be western, but I understand both, I am double binded, but and this is most important, I am also in a position that generates a great a deal of energy and creativity.”
Arata Isozaki
“I have been a queer mixture of the east and west, out of place everywhere, at home nowhere………I can not be of the west, but in my own country, also , sometimes, I have an exiles feeling.”
Jawaharlal Nehur
THERE IS LIGHT AT THE END OF THE TUNNEL
“I can’t be Japanese and I cant be western, but I understand both, I am double binded, but and this is most important, I am also in a position that generates a great a deal of energy and creativity.”
Arata Isozaki
“I have been a queer mixture of the east and west, out of place everywhere, at home nowhere………I can not be of the west, but in my own country, also , sometimes, I have an exiles feeling.”
Jawaharlal Nehur
Friday, January 06, 2006
ANALYZE THIS
Aries “threes no point in hurrying or worrying. Nor, frankly is there much point in subjecting your current cause for concern to some intense process of intellectual analysis. You can think all you like. You wont square this particular circle with your intellect. Indeed, you may never come up with a solution that answers every aspect of your question. You will find a pleasing outcome, but you will attain it through faith and patience, not mental exertion. Your heart now knows more than your head. Trust it.”
Sunday, January 01, 2006
YOUR PAIN BECOMES OUR PAIN
first one for the year and it will be quite a long one, with a fair bit to catch up on, I wonder if any one can know someone else’s pain, it’s a funny thing pain and suffering so much of it is made within and it seems that each mountain I climb it is only replaced by a larger one and I just keep thinking what’s the point of it all just more suffering its seems to never end I just want the pain to stop, I have also realised that I live by what I have in my own heart and not what I can hold in my hand, I would also like to know how many others have found what they were looking for, for your whole life becomes a challenge, and then have had to give it all up because you left behind a tiny hole, now that tiny hole has grown beyond this world and all you can think is getting back to where you were before nothing else mattered, and I just want to go as soon as possible but I know that if I stick around a little longer that that tiny hole will disappear for ever, but the pain of each moment tears you apart, my favourite things over life have changed, but the amount of what I wanted has always been on the decline over the last few years but what I was willing to do for the rest of my life had never presented itself to me though over those same few years I always knew it would have something to do with helping others and i’m also, now for the first time, able to do what I want any where I want, I finally have something to dedicate or strive for in life whenever I’ve become lost and wandering it has always ended up messy, very messy so it hasn’t been till now that I have found a path to travel upon and every bump or stop may not be planned but the direction will remain and that’s for the benefit of others nothing else matters but I must always remain true and not give in, I must always make it a priority to find some quiet time alone, as I need time to relax, and space to be silent, and have silence consume every part of me.
Its funny that I have also just realized this week that I have been blessed with good people my whole, and have had the strength to hold my own when that company have not been by my side, I have be able to go in and around, where many others are not able to recall back from, and are forever drawn and glued to that one feeling, thou it has often left me on the outer, it has been far better to observe many things than to experience for my self that which can not always be left behind. I must also remind myself that not to long ago, around the same time of year I also experienced the same as which I now go through, and have been there before I know what to do and what not to do, and what can be left and must be dealt with, and what is necessary and what is in surplus, but I can now use this time for reflection, and look to see what it is I want, and what I have to do to fulfil my personal legend, which is indeed what I am on track now to follow, what exactly I will end up doing is not really relevant just as long as it fits the criteria as set above, and I can move on to increase and not be a part of the problem any longer and hopefully become a part of the solution, the road has many cracks, turns and bumps, but If I stay true to myself and the path I will have no need to worry, and know that all things pass, with less than six months roughly till I go home again, I shall use this time to further my reading, and listening, and my practice most of all, so that I will be ready for the travelling ahead, I am certain it will not all go as I wish, but I think if I don’t rush anything and go at my own pace, and listen to my heart, and not throw away all of my money, then I will never be lost again, and never need to rely upon the help of others, regardless of what happens, I must always look within, not out to find happiness, and to maybe even let go of a few things to achieve that.
Its funny that I have also just realized this week that I have been blessed with good people my whole, and have had the strength to hold my own when that company have not been by my side, I have be able to go in and around, where many others are not able to recall back from, and are forever drawn and glued to that one feeling, thou it has often left me on the outer, it has been far better to observe many things than to experience for my self that which can not always be left behind. I must also remind myself that not to long ago, around the same time of year I also experienced the same as which I now go through, and have been there before I know what to do and what not to do, and what can be left and must be dealt with, and what is necessary and what is in surplus, but I can now use this time for reflection, and look to see what it is I want, and what I have to do to fulfil my personal legend, which is indeed what I am on track now to follow, what exactly I will end up doing is not really relevant just as long as it fits the criteria as set above, and I can move on to increase and not be a part of the problem any longer and hopefully become a part of the solution, the road has many cracks, turns and bumps, but If I stay true to myself and the path I will have no need to worry, and know that all things pass, with less than six months roughly till I go home again, I shall use this time to further my reading, and listening, and my practice most of all, so that I will be ready for the travelling ahead, I am certain it will not all go as I wish, but I think if I don’t rush anything and go at my own pace, and listen to my heart, and not throw away all of my money, then I will never be lost again, and never need to rely upon the help of others, regardless of what happens, I must always look within, not out to find happiness, and to maybe even let go of a few things to achieve that.
CONQUER THY SELF
Sung Ch’ang – Hsing – pg 66
The strength of those who conquer themselves is of ten kinds
Strength of Faith
Strength of Charity
Strength of Morality
Strength of Devotion
Strength of Meditation
Strength of Concentration
Strength of Illumination
Strength of Wisdom
Strength of The way
Strength of Virtue
The strength of those who conquer themselves is of ten kinds
Strength of Faith
Strength of Charity
Strength of Morality
Strength of Devotion
Strength of Meditation
Strength of Concentration
Strength of Illumination
Strength of Wisdom
Strength of The way
Strength of Virtue
Thursday, December 29, 2005
WILL THE BLEEDING STOP
I’m standing on the edge of the cliff,
I’m sorry I had to leave you again,
But I know I will hold you again,
I just cant wait to hold you again,
If only I could explain,
So that you would understand,
But I cant put into words what my heart feels,
Inside is so warm, but outside so cold,
Inside is so tired, but outside so raw,
Maybe its not the words that counts,
But the ways you feel me feel you,
I’m spinning around on the inside,
So fast I cant see where I am,
Who is there to help me,
Who is there who cares,
What difference does it matter,
I can do upon which I need,
What I want needs to match,
All you need is love,
As they say nothing else matters,
Its taken years and years, and one day with you,
For me to understand, how lucky I can be,
Feel sorry for those who never will,
But I will try and do what I can,
How much better is an orchestra,
Than a single musician,
How much better is a field of roses,
Than a single petal,
Don’t be alarmed, the truth is not always pleasant,
In fact it isn’t anything but just is,
We worry about the future, because we think it may cause more suffering, but there is suffering in everything, good and bad are just judgments, based upon our own benefit, or of that of others, we all think that we have so much control, but how much control do we have, so very very little its unbelievable, its hard enough to control our own mind, let alone our bodies or what others are doing, if we all could look inside and control our own thoughts then evolution could occur instantaneously, like a switch.
I’m sorry I had to leave you again,
But I know I will hold you again,
I just cant wait to hold you again,
If only I could explain,
So that you would understand,
But I cant put into words what my heart feels,
Inside is so warm, but outside so cold,
Inside is so tired, but outside so raw,
Maybe its not the words that counts,
But the ways you feel me feel you,
I’m spinning around on the inside,
So fast I cant see where I am,
Who is there to help me,
Who is there who cares,
What difference does it matter,
I can do upon which I need,
What I want needs to match,
All you need is love,
As they say nothing else matters,
Its taken years and years, and one day with you,
For me to understand, how lucky I can be,
Feel sorry for those who never will,
But I will try and do what I can,
How much better is an orchestra,
Than a single musician,
How much better is a field of roses,
Than a single petal,
Don’t be alarmed, the truth is not always pleasant,
In fact it isn’t anything but just is,
We worry about the future, because we think it may cause more suffering, but there is suffering in everything, good and bad are just judgments, based upon our own benefit, or of that of others, we all think that we have so much control, but how much control do we have, so very very little its unbelievable, its hard enough to control our own mind, let alone our bodies or what others are doing, if we all could look inside and control our own thoughts then evolution could occur instantaneously, like a switch.
Saturday, December 24, 2005
WHERE AM I GOING
Aries “The emphasis is on travel. You go to relatives and they come to you. You’ll go through money but we all do at Christmas. Unfortunately the money you spend is meant for other things- there are bills associated with the government. Contact with interstate or overseas which is normal for this time of year. Your love stars are only fair. You’re the flavour of the month with someone and they rate highly with you but that’s as far as it goes. So if you were hoping for moments of ecstasy you can just about forget it.”
Saturday, December 03, 2005
WHAT CONTROL
ah what a wonderful world we live in, its amazing how the world works, and you just need to wait for what you need, and what you want is just a bonus, its amazing when it all just fits in place, and you really don’t even have to do anything, what control do we have, I don’t even want it really, its much better when you just go with the flow, don’t try to swim against the tide, but just relax, when inside is set and calm, then the outside will follow, I know that every time I stop reading my book I end up doing some harm to some one, but then maybe I just forget, or just damn fucken lazy, “all a nigga really needs is just a little bit, not a lot baby girl just a little bit” 50 cent. The happier you are with less, the longer it will last, and the amount of stress you suffer will be so much less, so much less, there is a lesson each day, it wether we can see, understand, or use it to our advantage or that of someone else, what we want is a funny, thing thou it may not always be for out benefit, well by our limited judgment any way of the present moment, it’s a choice how you feel tis moment, don’t let others control your happiness, and don’t let the world bring you down, now i’m not in a place I enjoy, but I still have fun, and use it as best as I can, because I know soon I will be where I wanna be, and even thou it may not work or even be as I wish it to be, its still going to be better in my “life situation”, even thou I may own less now, I don’t care for such empty belongings, they cause more grief in the long run, and increase the difficultness, and time of other more beneficial projects, and when you bask in the silence you realize how useless your thought can be and how negative, useless, pain in the ass they are, bringing you down from the inside, your own mind in the end harms its own host, and I’ve seen that rich or poor, own a lot or nothing, its still so amazing the power it has, and basically they are still on the same level, and there for there growth will always be limited, and I’ve seen the power of music, and tradition with its ceremonies, I know I will always be alright and probably with a level of laziness but I will always do what I have to do, and a few that I don’t, for the benefit of the universe, I wonder if karma belongs beyond this world and runs through entwined with the whole universe, I will be alright, and I will only grow, just as long as I can keep reading, and I have to stay focused, not so much on my goals but on the inside the rest will follow if I keep the inside on check, and nothing else will matter
Friday, November 18, 2005
MY CONFESSION
well a lots certainly gone down since the last two years when I started this shit, and it feels like a lot has changes, and a lot has been resolved, and questions answered, but there are still a lot worse on the inside, which for some reason maybe I don’t wish to deal with, for what reason I don’t know at the moment, but I hope its just a little extra ingredients to bring me closer to that beautiful cake, which who knows how it will turn out, and who knows what will happen next, at least in the short term I can answer that here, and I hope it will become more and more like that, who will know what will happen and how things will turn out, I hope that it is for the better, and it all really is in your head, I still think what is the point, maybe I will always, and then I remember my promise, and my faith, and of course the point is life, that is all there is, I just I hope I can turn it around to be a positive which it isn’t at the moment, well not to much any way, but that will change as soon as I can start making some money and I hope that this time will pass, and be a gateway to benefit many many more people than just myself,, I just wish I could leave now,, but then that wont help anyone, just as long as I can save heaps and heaps of money, and all I have to do is wait this one year out, that’s all, that will be the hardest part, and I will need a lot of help, but I will manage I’ve done it before, and I don’t care about anything else at the moment, probably not good but I cant help it at the moment with this pain in my heart, where did it come from, I have felt this before but it was helped by a few little extra ingredients I don’t wish for any more, how come nothing can be done without any pain, there is always suffering in everything I do, Buddha is always right, again and again, its all a mystery, to me, if I could take all the emotion,, and fear out of the equation then there would be no pain, and i’m in my own jail, but I know how to beat it, well not beat but work through it or whatever, I know all the answers I have already, I just need to find them and probably more to the point is to understand them, salvation is within, get busy living, or get busy dying, I guess I cant complain, I just need a start and then I can go and smash it, once I start I will be alright and will be able to focus upon what I need to do now, and I wont have to feel so shit, and on the verge of the gaping casim which has always been my way I guess, maybe I should change it, uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, this wont last.
“I’ve got another confession to make, I’m your fool.” Foo fighters.
Trapped between two worlds, with no way out,
I’m not going to cry or even shout,
I’ve gotta keep going for the promised I made,
There are no guarantees, for even best plans laid,
I want to know what the darkness is for,
Only the light can tell me any more,
The hole is getting heavier, and darker,
This will only make it easier, and quicker,
When the switch is flicked, and I fall over the edge,
The heaven will be ripped, and rain with a sledge,
Break the chains I tied myself,
Breaking my own health
“I’ve got another confession to make, I’m your fool.” Foo fighters.
Trapped between two worlds, with no way out,
I’m not going to cry or even shout,
I’ve gotta keep going for the promised I made,
There are no guarantees, for even best plans laid,
I want to know what the darkness is for,
Only the light can tell me any more,
The hole is getting heavier, and darker,
This will only make it easier, and quicker,
When the switch is flicked, and I fall over the edge,
The heaven will be ripped, and rain with a sledge,
Break the chains I tied myself,
Breaking my own health
Sunday, November 13, 2005
FOR NOW
well everything is going alright at the moment I think, but every time I seem to think something radical happens and just fucks me up, but that’s okay I’ve got some shit going here that I keep doing for a while and actually achieve something and improve myself, and my life skills.
Sunday, September 11, 2005
MY GOALS
these are my goals now in writing for what will occur over the next 25 years.
1 year - $10, 000 + home
2 - 3 years - $15, 000 + permanent residence, job
4 – 5 years - homes + car + motorbike + shop + bar + flats (some business)
10 years – school and/or chang reserve
20 years – orphanage
25 years – school and/or chang reserve
1 year - $10, 000 + home
2 - 3 years - $15, 000 + permanent residence, job
4 – 5 years - homes + car + motorbike + shop + bar + flats (some business)
10 years – school and/or chang reserve
20 years – orphanage
25 years – school and/or chang reserve
Saturday, September 10, 2005
VERY JUICY
cool, wet, but what a week, a new job, not easy but then it is I guess, probably the easiest one I’ve had, but its also fun, but I cant see myself doing it for 2 years, going to WA would be pretty sweet, if I can get some mega cash, that would be so sweet, but i’m only physically tired, and still very much on track but just checking my avenues to see where I can be a better whore I guess, and get the big bucks, which is my dream, so a couple of years of that and it would be so sweet after that, very juicy in deed, but who knows.
Thursday, August 18, 2005
MY PATH
its so weird thinking back and about the all the stuff that’s happened, but now I fee so goal orientated, so much since I first wanted to go to Thailand, and now I just want to work even harder and make more money so I can set my self up for the rest of my life, which would be so cool, and then I can take it easy, and wont have to worry to much about anything, so if I can get a job and open up a small shop or something and get a couple of businesses going that would be sweet, so then the whole family can work easier and every one will be happy, i’m very excited to start another chapter in my life post-Thailand, this is just the building stage where I can begin to make the foundations and if I can last the next 2 years everything would be so sweet, I can build my own house run a few businesses and work as well, so then I wont have to worry to much about money, but one step at a time, I’ve just got to stay focused and everything will turn out just great, i’m looking forward to the new challenge, and making enough money now by Christmas to be set up and then one more year just for insurance and just stick it in the bank, and everything will be sweet for all parties, so i’m fairly happy to be given the opportunity to do this I know I will succeed, will be so good, just to learn and meet heaps of people I wont have to work hard and I can just take it easy and its only 2 years but its also weird thinking about then next couple years and how they will plan out, I just I can complete my journey so that all will prosper
Friday, August 05, 2005
FOR BEYOND
home, Melbourne, cold, very very cold, I now have a goal, something finally to achieve, that is far greater than, and with a lot of help from the Lord Buddha, I will no doubt achieve my end point and be able to provide for all concerned, and beyond, and I make this promise to the Holy Spirit, of all the universe that I will conquer this hill, no matter how high and mighty my will never lack or dimmer all problems will be solved quickly and each step is another closer to home, this will be done by the whole universe coming together and I will not stop.
Tuesday, August 02, 2005
THE DIFFERENCE
home, warm, having goals is a big difference, to have something to achieve, is a big difference, otherwise it can be hard, to figure out what’s the point of it all if there’s nothing you want or if you have no dreams what’s the point, now I hope that I can make it so by the time i’m 50 I can relax and take it easy I’ve also realised what’s the point also in not working in just staying home all day if I wanted to do that I then would just become a monk but I know to do is to be, and to be is to do, and life isn’t about working your life but making fun to enjoy everything one does its all just a state of mind and mines changed a lot, GODDBYE TIL NEXT YEAR.
Monday, August 01, 2005
FINALLY I KNOW
home, it’s a relief to finally have goals, and that I don’t need to wait 25 years for em, but now I will be able to develop and build a life for myself, within five years, and know with luck, that I will be set for a fair while, which will be a relief, thou most things aren’t final yet of course but at least now I know what direction i’m going in, and what I need to do, one step at a time, but I can only rely upon myself to get what I want, but I know if it doesn’t work, my chance of happiness is gone, NONSELF SUFFERING IMPERMANECE, I will win with the holy spirit one day but not until I help those that I have given to, to save from
Monday, July 18, 2005
JUST A MATTER OF TIME
going home in a week, it was always bound to end some day, but for the first time in my life I’ve actually got goals, and ones I know is just a matter of time, and I know what it is I have to do to make it all happen, with a little more info I’ll be set, and wont have to worry, it wont matter, easy/ hard, I will just do, and not to be lazy, but remember what for, at least I will be a lot more prepared next time, and more wiser I hope, but then I will also be bale to prepare for my new life, to follow and be reborn again, like Saladin and Gibreel hopefully thou not the same way, but who knows what’s going to happen next, just wish to gain some cash and do it all again.
Thursday, June 02, 2005
Wednesday, June 01, 2005
MY DREAM
shop, i’m finally resigned to going home in 3 months, but its all been good, and now I HAVE A DREAM, which if reached, will set me up for a long time, but now I can focus upon a goal, nothing will be wasted, and if I can work, even more, and get some cash quick, I’ll be back in no time, able to retire and take care of everything.
Saturday, May 28, 2005
BODY ART
27 hours work, what have I done and what will I do, nothing can be taken for granted and I can rely only on others for what can I do for myself here very little do I still follow what I did before there is little I need and even less that I want its becoming easier to give in, but not given up, I have no idea where i’m heading, or even what will happen tomorrow, there’s still too much pain, I need to let of and fear, and release all that makes one angry, Restraint, Forgiveness, solving the root problem.
Sunday, May 15, 2005
FROM HOME TO HOME
22 hours work, home, maybe its time I went home, and work for a while, I’ve finally got some goals now, just work and save for a couple of years, then I can come and live, and own a house and a bar, and a shop and I’ll have 3 incomes, hopefully which would be good, which means hopefully I’ll set for a while, and I wont have to worry about money again, but for how long I can go, do I try and do it quick, or do I just wait a little longer, just as long as I keep it fun and keep my mind, what i’m after then it wont be a problem it will soon be over everything passes and I don’t need to spend much by keeping my expenses down I’ll be able to do more hopefully quicker but will see how we go who knows what will happen.
Monday, May 09, 2005
WHAT TO DO
home, 18.5 hours work. Warm/ wet, I just don’t know what to do with my life, no money and no idea, what to do next, or even more, what’s going to happen next, but I know what’s more important than anything, and such an important time, I must keep a clear mind, what to do what to do, maybe I can just wait and see I need to keep a level head and just relax and see how things go.
Wednesday, May 04, 2005
SABIE SABIE
home , sabie sabie, never has everything been so clear, all of my troubles belong to my mind, and exist only in my mind, all of my anger only exists because I let it, but why has it taken me 25 years, to see it, and all of my pain I have caused is because of fear and yet what am I afraid of, I still don’t know because my mind is so small but my consciousness can fill the universe I realise I have nothing to give, but love because all else is empty but to give this needs truth otherwise you cant make love, but it makes you, all other emotions exist inn the mind only, and that’s where they belong because, the only emotion that the mind needs to exist true love has no place but all other emotions arise in the mind, Jesus said love thy neighbour and love thy enemy for the first time I really miss my parents, I miss that unconditional love, cause its fucken hard to find, so many people here are just after money, but I can understand why they long for all the shit i’m willing to give up, but not all of it, what the hell is there to be afraid of, the best thing that has happened is that my different fears have diminished because really what the fuck do you have to fear when you break away from the ego, you realise just how fucken shit and how much you have people close to you, for nothing but fear but you learn what have you got fear for, other than the burning flame, or boiling there is nothing but shit, there’s only one person that controls your emotions and it’s the unconsciousness, mind.
Monday, May 02, 2005
CAUSE AND EFFECT
(Bangkok), hotel Nobel, warm, I see how each encounter and action allows me to see more and more without this time here who knows how long the suffering would continue I understand now that its just as much my fault as hers if not more, how important it is to care and give more instead of being so selfish and thinking of myself, I need to care and do it now before its to late, and it destroys itself, I need to give more, and make space, for emptiness for the pain to enter before we can be free, we have so much work to do, and nothing is being done, make the one your with the most important person and care with care love and compassion will follow and fill those you are with, be the light yourself, don’t wait for others to follow but just be and accept understanding will follow empathy/ understanding watching the mind, knowing knowing, knowing, impermanence, nonself, suffering, awareness, happiness from within oneself be the Buddha, by changing your own being by practising these qualities people will follow and change with you or they will run and hide.
Sunday, May 01, 2005
PENANG
(Bangkok), Penang, rainforest restaurant, wet/warm, stuck again in a place I don’t really want to be, wet and warm, watching fish swim by me as drops fall upon my head, wondering what i’m doing here, where am I going, think I’ve resigned to the fact that I don’t really care anymore, just as long as i’m happy having fun, and know one is getting hurt, it’s the same crazy shit I’ve done and gone thru and don’t suspect it to change, for as long as I don’t change my scene, but its fun, well most of the time anyway, but its all suffering no matter what we choose to, do or not do, its all just a matter of mind, no matter where you are or what you do so what, difference does it make or what you do, as long as you’re not causing any suffering, or harm in any way, and help those you can, this is what matters, unconditional love for all beings, with an understanding of what is and why, and an understanding of silence, this is the first step the rest will follow. I should be more grateful for the times of peace I do have, and use them a little more wisely, i’m also staring to see more how the mind doesn’t enjoy the present and hopefully only one more whole day with two sleeps to go then I can go home again.
Saturday, April 30, 2005
WAITING WAITING WAITING
(Malaysia, this is just because its Friday 13, but its amazing how they can build a massive shopping centre similar to chaddy but be surrounded by such poverty, its really quite amazing, to see how big the difference can be and who are the ones really shopping here there and must be a lot of Chinese here but its also funny to see how little there is to do here. Its funny how many nights I have had here on my own in the last 6 months just in a hotel room on my own with nothing to do but wait.
Thursday, April 28, 2005
THE DOOR IS OPEN
Malaysia, Penang, hotel Nobel, warm, you would not believe the shit I’ve gone thru over the last 6 months, its been incredible, and I still don’t believe half the shit that has happened, from one day to the next you never know what’s going to happen, sometimes I still have to remind myself where I am, and what kind of shit that has happened, and the people I’ve met, and what I’ve seen its been crazy. I still see I have a lot of work to do, on the inside especially positive forgiveness and to be more understanding, think for a minute about why and what and how. I’m still quite surprised by the difference between countries right next door to Thailand seems to have so much more there seems to be so little maybe communism/ Muslims should get together a little more often both seem similar or maybe its just because of its popularity which is also obviously influenced by its government/ religion seeing as Thais seem to do what ever they want.
Monday, April 25, 2005
Thursday, April 21, 2005
ENJOY THE PAIN
11.5 hours done with a lot of pain, and suffering but its been fun, watching and learning with a lot done, quickly much quicker than before, I can feel my leg and body are lot more tired, but last night was fun, going Bangla, Tai Pan, again so many ladies its unbelievable and yet there where so many before i’m glad I was able to see it most of it all before.
Tuesday, April 19, 2005
Monday, April 18, 2005
WHAT HAVE I DONE
, shop, I’ve definitely got myself into some crazy shit who would have thought shit would end up like this crazy and could never even dream up shit like this ever what the hell am I doing with my life what are you supposed to do with it that also freaks me out people keep saying what are you doing with your life are you happy now, are you happy with this, as thou there’s something more, what else could you want I don’t need much and I’ve been given everything I’ve needed how could I not be happy only a person trying to feed upon an endless ego would want more and I don’t need that then I would never be happy and so much shit has gone down I would never have believed you if you told me before but ay fuck it, Sabie Sabie, take it as it comes and don’t be so attached only In fucken Thailand would ya get so much crazy shit going and if only you would never fully understand what kind of shit goes down and for why but so many people talk shit I don’t know why its not the same as home where you do what you can for your friend and not what you can get out of your friend, sometimes I still cant believe what’s gone down life is so good most of the time apart from the few times here and there where I’ve been drunk and lost the plot ending up with nothing from nothing but these ARE GOOD TIMES WHERE EVERYTHING IS NOW COMING BACK, AND I HAVE TO DO VERY LITTLE, BUT SOON I WILL NEED TO MAKE AND GIVE, back again but for now i’m just a real bum, though its such a weird lifestyle, at the moment these are definably the good times, and let them roll on, hopefully this will last for a while, after doing my first tattoo, going to hospital, so many ladies, I cant remember so much alcohol, I cant remember so much weed, is hasn’t all been fun, but its all ended \well, which I guess is good, it will be good to do my own work thou, but I will have to wait a while.
Monday, April 04, 2005
SLOW DOWN
another drunken night gone but it doesn’t seem so fast anymore but just as crazy and even had a spew at the bar which was a little weird seeing as I wasn’t that drunk but I don’t know what happened and i’m also beginning to know to many people on Bangla, even just walking around isn’t easy anymore and there all nearly girls I need very little and want even less and a lot more suffering it seems as the fun gets more so does the pain so what do you do and I cant help but think where will my life lead me i’m learning a lot a real lot but there are too many ladies here.
Friday, April 01, 2005
CRAZY
, my life has also become rather crazy as I see now it was always going to be if I stayed here but what can I do its a lot more manic/depressive than I’m used to and expected but what can I do I never imagined it would be like this I was hoping for simplicity especially after Chiang Mai, which was so peaceful and pleasant and wasn’t easy but not hard, this is almost to extreme from bliss to heart break, it certainly takes it out of ya if you become to attached which I think I have but I know it wont last all I can rely on is the truth of what is and not what I tell myself it to be, I need to become more free and reliant upon myself and what I can do even if it isn’t much its all I have to rely upon is what I can do and feel is right I don’t care about anything at the moment but my friends and there position why is it I reflect this is so much as though i’m a mirror in which I cant be my own self and i’m always up for heedlessness maybe to escape the pain inside I wish it to go away and yet I created it how smart can I be when I create my own suffering day in day out I feel it maybe that why i’m so quick to tears because it touch’s upon my own pain, I need to know myself better, I know I want nothing but to be free of this suffering I feel each second i’m feeling very tired and worn out i’m looking forward to a holiday
16:16 its certainly been interesting but not always fun but definitely learn a lot with a lot of good people around to help but very tiring what a weird world I’ve entered its amazing how I see nothing is normal and nothing is backwards or forwards just because one person does it one way doesn’t make it right and the other way is wrong its just different after going to hospital and having stitches for the first time and having them taken out by a friend I almost feel like a mute Thai person who can barely speak.
16:16 its certainly been interesting but not always fun but definitely learn a lot with a lot of good people around to help but very tiring what a weird world I’ve entered its amazing how I see nothing is normal and nothing is backwards or forwards just because one person does it one way doesn’t make it right and the other way is wrong its just different after going to hospital and having stitches for the first time and having them taken out by a friend I almost feel like a mute Thai person who can barely speak.
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In the Garden of Solitude
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