All I can see is my dreams coming true, I will do everything I have to,
So many people are saying your going to fail, that its going to rain and even hail,
I wont listen to what people tell me I cant do, I know already I can do anything I want to, I know you all have your own fears, that’s why you’ve stayed the same all these years,
I won’t let them bring me down, you all still have time to …..town,
Its all in your own belief, nothing is over till its over but you have turn your own leaf,
My life’s been nothing but luck lying under the rock stuck, as a window smashed as a door was locked,
Sometimes its not easy to see the way, cant even trust what my I own head is saying,
my minds running so fast I cant even see, thou I can feel people praying for me,
I know everything will be okay,
I know everything is up to me,
it doesn’t matter what they say
it doesn’t matter you’ll see
all I can see is the rainbow finally rising in the sky, there have been times I wanted to die its been so dark for so long, I never knew what I wanted that I was always wrong,
trying something new everyday, all I could see was the clouds above so grey,
I had to leave and see some new places, and find some new faces,
All I found is that love is all we need, to love your enemies would destroy the weeds,
that grow in our minds for every body would be family, why is it so hard for everybody, to see it’s the only way we are going to live, so much easier to love and forgive
because an eye for an eye will turn the whole world blind, so don’t just burn
don’t take what you cant replace, and to give love wont cost you any race,
its taken so long for times to change, so hard for our elders to give up there range,
we cant give up now, lets just love one another, we’ve gotta make a vow,
true love doesn’t know anger or hate, could never take or destroy, lets just clear the slate.
All I want to do is close my eyes, and just have you there by side when I open them again, I’ve never longed for so little before in my life, having taken so long to find you and what the plans for me were, just a touch upon your face, or the smell of your neck as I hold you close, to really the best things in life are free, and that they are so simple, I never want to let you go, the time we have spent apart has taken all my energy to just keep on breathing, I’ve never had to work so hard at just living, all my dream involve making yours come true, I just wanna know if your heart is real, I just wanna know its what I feel, you don’t have to worry where I’ll be, doesn’t matter how far I travel or who I see, my heart will only belong to you, I don’t wont you to think so much I
just open your hearts and see that all life, survives on the edge of a knife,
a balance that all life depends on no matter how far you can see, a tree or a star,
all life is after happiness, I wish that all can see before its to late, I wish that they all see that so much doesn’t mean anything, if you could see the truth of the universe you wouldn’t care about anything but the life and love that surrounds us all no matter where we are or how we feel,
Saturday, March 18, 2006
WHATS SECOND
Only thru fear, will one gain fear,
With thought all you will gain is desire,
Only thru no thought, will you abandon desire
Emptiness makes the world,
Only through the lack of desire can one taste freedom, don’t allow anyone to tell you what you can do or not, except for the obvious grievous bodily harm, this is what will limit you, and don’t settle for second best, since when has that been any ones dream, but to gain “success” in your goal, in you must be honest and true to all that is, because if you don’t listen to the winds of ignorance, than you have to trust yourself and truly know what you can actually do, and your strengths, no one is good at everything, in fact everyone is very average at almost everything, it’s the special gifts we posses that set us apart, so don’t try to be good at everything, its not important, what’s important is to know what you are good, and finding those who are good at what you are not, and to know when to give, and when to take, when to burn, and when to freeze, when to fly and when to sink, fire can not beat fire, and water can not beat water, this is balance, and the way of all things, you must become a drop of water, as it is released from the cloud it is upon it own for the first time, and it can see the world, and endures its own experiences, until the next moment when it lands upon the ocean and becomes one with it eternal soul, it returns to where it came from, water always returns back to the ocean one day. And it will always find a path back home.
With thought all you will gain is desire,
Only thru no thought, will you abandon desire
Emptiness makes the world,
Only through the lack of desire can one taste freedom, don’t allow anyone to tell you what you can do or not, except for the obvious grievous bodily harm, this is what will limit you, and don’t settle for second best, since when has that been any ones dream, but to gain “success” in your goal, in you must be honest and true to all that is, because if you don’t listen to the winds of ignorance, than you have to trust yourself and truly know what you can actually do, and your strengths, no one is good at everything, in fact everyone is very average at almost everything, it’s the special gifts we posses that set us apart, so don’t try to be good at everything, its not important, what’s important is to know what you are good, and finding those who are good at what you are not, and to know when to give, and when to take, when to burn, and when to freeze, when to fly and when to sink, fire can not beat fire, and water can not beat water, this is balance, and the way of all things, you must become a drop of water, as it is released from the cloud it is upon it own for the first time, and it can see the world, and endures its own experiences, until the next moment when it lands upon the ocean and becomes one with it eternal soul, it returns to where it came from, water always returns back to the ocean one day. And it will always find a path back home.
SPACE, AVOID, PEOPLE
59 excerpts from “Lao-tzu’s Taoteching” Redpine translation
Verse 11
“thirty spokes converge on a hub
but it’s the emptiness
that makes a wheel work
pots are fashioned from clay
but it’s the hollow
that makes a pot work
windows and doors are carved for a house
but it’s the spaces
that make a house work
existence makes something useful
but nonexistance makes it work” pg 22
verse 29
“trying to govern the world with force
I see this is not succeeding
The world is a spiritual thing
It cant be forced
To force it is to harm it
To control it is to lose it
Sometimes things lead
Sometimes they follow
Sometimes blow hot
Sometimes blows cold
Sometimes expand
Sometimes collapse
Therefore the sage avoids extremes
Avoids extravagance
Avoids excess.” Pg 58
Verse 49
“the sage has no mind of his own
his mind is the mind of the people
to the good he is good
to the bad he is good
until they become good
to the true he is true
to the false he is true
until they become true
in the world the sage withdraws
with others he merges his mind
people open their ears and eyes
the sage covers them up.” Pg 98
“empty your body and mind. No one can fight against nothing.”
Kumarajiva
Confucius asked Tzu-kung, “do yo think I learn in order to increase my knowledge? Tzu-kung answered, “well don’t you” Confucius said, “no, I seek one thing that ties everything together” lunyu:15.2
Verse 11
“thirty spokes converge on a hub
but it’s the emptiness
that makes a wheel work
pots are fashioned from clay
but it’s the hollow
that makes a pot work
windows and doors are carved for a house
but it’s the spaces
that make a house work
existence makes something useful
but nonexistance makes it work” pg 22
verse 29
“trying to govern the world with force
I see this is not succeeding
The world is a spiritual thing
It cant be forced
To force it is to harm it
To control it is to lose it
Sometimes things lead
Sometimes they follow
Sometimes blow hot
Sometimes blows cold
Sometimes expand
Sometimes collapse
Therefore the sage avoids extremes
Avoids extravagance
Avoids excess.” Pg 58
Verse 49
“the sage has no mind of his own
his mind is the mind of the people
to the good he is good
to the bad he is good
until they become good
to the true he is true
to the false he is true
until they become true
in the world the sage withdraws
with others he merges his mind
people open their ears and eyes
the sage covers them up.” Pg 98
“empty your body and mind. No one can fight against nothing.”
Kumarajiva
Confucius asked Tzu-kung, “do yo think I learn in order to increase my knowledge? Tzu-kung answered, “well don’t you” Confucius said, “no, I seek one thing that ties everything together” lunyu:15.2
MY OWN JAIL
All I can remember when I got back was that I never wanted to be here again, even after all I had been through, I still wanted to stay and now all I want to do is go back to where I felt like home, maybe it was because I was a farang but who knows I’ll find out soon.
What’s right and wrong is beyond heaven and earth and love is what binds all things together you can call it what you like god or energy but neither are in control, yet each have an individual path and none of them exist without emptiness which is necessary for the existence of all things, light cant travel, and love can not be expressed or received, if you are to believe in one thing in this world it is love, it must be love that is beyond ego and beyond any physical attraction it must be stripped of all labels like the bark of a tree, for all things are done in its name, but the problem arises because of the ego and it not being shared by all, cause so many don’t know what love truly is, its beyond religion, beyond borders, beyond sickness and health, beyond life and death, beyond government, beyond education, beyond this earth and its existed forever, and will go on, there are many paths to it and they all begin the day were born, some get distracted with work and some with money, some with fame and family, some fear and drugs, but one day all life will return back to where it came from all that is dark will become light and vice versa, there is nothing to fear because nothing is real except the love that binds all that exists, which has always been and always will be just because we have different labels for everything doesn’t mean its separate from our own being, the world, the universe and everything that exists must exist in a state of equilibrium for nature of man, love and hate cant exist for all that exists is in a state of duality, with out it, it cannot exist so when one side becomes stronger or weaker lighter or darker the opposite will step in to even out the other side, as in the ying and yang, for there to be love there must be hate for there to be peace there must be war, when one grows strong its opposite will take over, soon the rich will far out number the poor, thereby eliminating rich and poor.
Soon the sun will be gone and I’ll be alone again to dream and wonder what tomorrow will bring, I listen to the birds sing and they tell me of better times ahead, in trying to find what I cant see, but I know how it feels, I await like a bee and its flower, the rose and the rain, I need to find how to, make the pain disappear it seems that no matter what I hear I can not rest until I see and feel what I know is real I need to let go of my empty fears and doubts and care not to make tomorrow better but grow into the now, and set what I need to do, for tomorrow is not promised today, there is no point in only doing, what others say but to keep honest to your own self, destiny will see you through if only you don’t cheat and steal, there is more to this world that what one can see and understand but that doesn’t mean that happiness is far away its already inside of us if only you can understand a little of this plane you will never have to worry, everything will be alright in the end, as everything must come and go but is never lost if you love all that is for all that is, love no matter what it is you do like a piece of a puzzle or a brick in the wall each is as important as the last and as strong as the next.
What’s right and wrong is beyond heaven and earth and love is what binds all things together you can call it what you like god or energy but neither are in control, yet each have an individual path and none of them exist without emptiness which is necessary for the existence of all things, light cant travel, and love can not be expressed or received, if you are to believe in one thing in this world it is love, it must be love that is beyond ego and beyond any physical attraction it must be stripped of all labels like the bark of a tree, for all things are done in its name, but the problem arises because of the ego and it not being shared by all, cause so many don’t know what love truly is, its beyond religion, beyond borders, beyond sickness and health, beyond life and death, beyond government, beyond education, beyond this earth and its existed forever, and will go on, there are many paths to it and they all begin the day were born, some get distracted with work and some with money, some with fame and family, some fear and drugs, but one day all life will return back to where it came from all that is dark will become light and vice versa, there is nothing to fear because nothing is real except the love that binds all that exists, which has always been and always will be just because we have different labels for everything doesn’t mean its separate from our own being, the world, the universe and everything that exists must exist in a state of equilibrium for nature of man, love and hate cant exist for all that exists is in a state of duality, with out it, it cannot exist so when one side becomes stronger or weaker lighter or darker the opposite will step in to even out the other side, as in the ying and yang, for there to be love there must be hate for there to be peace there must be war, when one grows strong its opposite will take over, soon the rich will far out number the poor, thereby eliminating rich and poor.
Soon the sun will be gone and I’ll be alone again to dream and wonder what tomorrow will bring, I listen to the birds sing and they tell me of better times ahead, in trying to find what I cant see, but I know how it feels, I await like a bee and its flower, the rose and the rain, I need to find how to, make the pain disappear it seems that no matter what I hear I can not rest until I see and feel what I know is real I need to let go of my empty fears and doubts and care not to make tomorrow better but grow into the now, and set what I need to do, for tomorrow is not promised today, there is no point in only doing, what others say but to keep honest to your own self, destiny will see you through if only you don’t cheat and steal, there is more to this world that what one can see and understand but that doesn’t mean that happiness is far away its already inside of us if only you can understand a little of this plane you will never have to worry, everything will be alright in the end, as everything must come and go but is never lost if you love all that is for all that is, love no matter what it is you do like a piece of a puzzle or a brick in the wall each is as important as the last and as strong as the next.
Wednesday, March 08, 2006
THE EMOTIONAL EDGE
I wonder if that when you get weak that you become more sensitive to your surroundings, or is it something else that brings you closer to that edge of emotion
Thursday, March 02, 2006
MY PERSONAL LEGEND
Alchemist – Paulo Coelho
“I’m the king of Salem,” The old man had said.
“Why would a king be talking with a shepherd?” the boy asked, awed and embarrassed.
“For several reasons. But let’s say that the most important is that you have succeeded in discovering your Personal Legend.”
The boy didn’t know what a person’s “Personal Legend” was.
“It’s what you have always wanted to accomplish. Everyone, when they are young, knows what their Personal Legend is.
“At that point in their lives, everything is clear and everything is possible. They are not afraid to dream, and to yearn for everything they would like to see happen to them in their lives. But, as time passes, a mysterious force begins to convince them that it will be impossible for them to realize their Personal Legend.”
None of what the old man was saying made much sense to the boy. But he wanted to know what the mysterious force” was; the merchants daughter would be impressed when he told her about that.
“it’s a force that appears to be negative, but actually shows you how to realize your Personal Legend. It prepares your spirit and your will, because there is one great truth on this planet: whoever you are, or whatever it is that you do, when you really want something, it’s because that desire originated in the soul of the universe. Its your mission on earth.”
“even when all you want to do is travel? Or marry the daughter of a textile merchant?”
“yes, or even search for treasure. The soul of the world is nourished by peoples happiness. And also by unhappiness, envy, and jealousy. To realize ones personal legend is a persons only real obligation. All things are one.
‘and when you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it.”
“I’m the king of Salem,” The old man had said.
“Why would a king be talking with a shepherd?” the boy asked, awed and embarrassed.
“For several reasons. But let’s say that the most important is that you have succeeded in discovering your Personal Legend.”
The boy didn’t know what a person’s “Personal Legend” was.
“It’s what you have always wanted to accomplish. Everyone, when they are young, knows what their Personal Legend is.
“At that point in their lives, everything is clear and everything is possible. They are not afraid to dream, and to yearn for everything they would like to see happen to them in their lives. But, as time passes, a mysterious force begins to convince them that it will be impossible for them to realize their Personal Legend.”
None of what the old man was saying made much sense to the boy. But he wanted to know what the mysterious force” was; the merchants daughter would be impressed when he told her about that.
“it’s a force that appears to be negative, but actually shows you how to realize your Personal Legend. It prepares your spirit and your will, because there is one great truth on this planet: whoever you are, or whatever it is that you do, when you really want something, it’s because that desire originated in the soul of the universe. Its your mission on earth.”
“even when all you want to do is travel? Or marry the daughter of a textile merchant?”
“yes, or even search for treasure. The soul of the world is nourished by peoples happiness. And also by unhappiness, envy, and jealousy. To realize ones personal legend is a persons only real obligation. All things are one.
‘and when you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it.”
LOSE WHAT
Aries “ if you want a clearer conscience you should do the right thing by others, but in order to attain happiness you must be true to yourself. The choice seems simple, but either way you lose.”
Thursday, February 23, 2006
I"LL BE BACK
never leave the one you love, for the first time I actually felt tall, at a recent b’day party where a few de la boys were, I can wait to be moving out, its been a long time coming, and will be good if I can get extra work, and save enough money, hopefully with the drug trials I will be cashed up.
Sunday, February 19, 2006
PATIENCE, PURPOSE, PLACE
i’m beginning to loose my grip on what I want for the long term, and am just trying to get where I want to get as quick as possible, maybe because after reading my book again, that its all empty anyway, and so what’s the point, do I rush in like fools, or do I wait, I know I will wait till mid April, but I don’t know if I want to, maybe I should go to somewhere else first close by if I can just for the experience cause I might not get it again, and then I can stay around for a while, I just don’t know what to do with my self, I think it would be better to go away again for a while and then comeback, and then go again somewhere else, but really does it matter, I shouldn’t be thinking so much about it now, I need patience this is my test now, this is my purpose now, and everything else will fall into place, I need to let go and just breathe,
Saturday, February 11, 2006
LET ME GO
I don’t know what else you want me to do,
I hope it hurts less and the pain fades
Just let me see it thru, I’ll be true,
I still cant look you in the face without these shades.
I never want to see the face again,
I new it was my shame
Let me in, wont you let me, my heart is yours for as long as you need,
You don’t need to bleed, to bleed for me anymore,
What’s the point, what are we fighting for,
When we fight no reason it breaks me down,
But when I see you thru the light in your gown,
Something within me cares for nothing more,
But to hold you and your child by loves shore
What more do you want me to do
What more do you want from me
I hope it hurts less and the pain fades
Just let me see it thru, I’ll be true,
I still cant look you in the face without these shades.
I never want to see the face again,
I new it was my shame
Let me in, wont you let me, my heart is yours for as long as you need,
You don’t need to bleed, to bleed for me anymore,
What’s the point, what are we fighting for,
When we fight no reason it breaks me down,
But when I see you thru the light in your gown,
Something within me cares for nothing more,
But to hold you and your child by loves shore
What more do you want me to do
What more do you want from me
Sunday, February 05, 2006
THE ABYSS
i’m being pulled into an abyss, I wish not to enter but can not peel away from the suction of its energy, I can also know no way out, what is happening, how come I never know what’s happening on the inside, what’s going today, has this always been there, why now, I just wish to be on my own, I don’t wanna talk to any one or really even see anyone, and I really miss my baby, is this it, is that all there is, or is there something else going on that I don’t see, I know I will not last a year here thou maybe I could if it was enough or there was a real need to, but maybe I can get out earlier, I hope, I need to figure a few things out first for a minimum and maximum time, for when I want and need to stay or leave.
Wednesday, January 18, 2006
THE DARK ROAD
I’ve my plans of teaching a little ahead of schedule, which I hope will turn out to be for the best, I really can’t wait not ill I get out of here and again and go exploring new worlds, this is what the rest of my life will be, I will never lead the normal of life of what society conforms most people to do, I will not conform, I have had the experience to have just a sneak peak at what the universe is all about, I am no longer a lost soul amongst many, but one now with a direction, finally, and I might even graduate, which will be good, but I don’t really care, I just want it to help me to get where i’m going now, which is up baby, from now it will always be at a certain level, and no matter what tragedy will happen, I will not be at this point again. I have found my freedom within myself, it I’ve never felt more alive, everything seems to be getting better. Life is always in motion, you cant stop it, all you can hope to do is hang on and hope for the best, nothing can stay stagnant unless you want it to, and even then it’s a struggle, the world is in constant motion, why stay still, only in the mind should be still, and with this inaction, all else will fall into place. About four months and I will be off again, i’m so happy about it already, just need to start makin some money now and it will all be back on track, looking forward to this new course as well, which will be sweet, this will be my whole goal for the next month or so from when I get my shit, till the end of the year, I cant wait
THERE IS LIGHT AT THE END OF THE TUNNEL
“I can’t be Japanese and I cant be western, but I understand both, I am double binded, but and this is most important, I am also in a position that generates a great a deal of energy and creativity.”
Arata Isozaki
“I have been a queer mixture of the east and west, out of place everywhere, at home nowhere………I can not be of the west, but in my own country, also , sometimes, I have an exiles feeling.”
Jawaharlal Nehur
THERE IS LIGHT AT THE END OF THE TUNNEL
“I can’t be Japanese and I cant be western, but I understand both, I am double binded, but and this is most important, I am also in a position that generates a great a deal of energy and creativity.”
Arata Isozaki
“I have been a queer mixture of the east and west, out of place everywhere, at home nowhere………I can not be of the west, but in my own country, also , sometimes, I have an exiles feeling.”
Jawaharlal Nehur
Friday, January 06, 2006
ANALYZE THIS
Aries “threes no point in hurrying or worrying. Nor, frankly is there much point in subjecting your current cause for concern to some intense process of intellectual analysis. You can think all you like. You wont square this particular circle with your intellect. Indeed, you may never come up with a solution that answers every aspect of your question. You will find a pleasing outcome, but you will attain it through faith and patience, not mental exertion. Your heart now knows more than your head. Trust it.”
Sunday, January 01, 2006
YOUR PAIN BECOMES OUR PAIN
first one for the year and it will be quite a long one, with a fair bit to catch up on, I wonder if any one can know someone else’s pain, it’s a funny thing pain and suffering so much of it is made within and it seems that each mountain I climb it is only replaced by a larger one and I just keep thinking what’s the point of it all just more suffering its seems to never end I just want the pain to stop, I have also realised that I live by what I have in my own heart and not what I can hold in my hand, I would also like to know how many others have found what they were looking for, for your whole life becomes a challenge, and then have had to give it all up because you left behind a tiny hole, now that tiny hole has grown beyond this world and all you can think is getting back to where you were before nothing else mattered, and I just want to go as soon as possible but I know that if I stick around a little longer that that tiny hole will disappear for ever, but the pain of each moment tears you apart, my favourite things over life have changed, but the amount of what I wanted has always been on the decline over the last few years but what I was willing to do for the rest of my life had never presented itself to me though over those same few years I always knew it would have something to do with helping others and i’m also, now for the first time, able to do what I want any where I want, I finally have something to dedicate or strive for in life whenever I’ve become lost and wandering it has always ended up messy, very messy so it hasn’t been till now that I have found a path to travel upon and every bump or stop may not be planned but the direction will remain and that’s for the benefit of others nothing else matters but I must always remain true and not give in, I must always make it a priority to find some quiet time alone, as I need time to relax, and space to be silent, and have silence consume every part of me.
Its funny that I have also just realized this week that I have been blessed with good people my whole, and have had the strength to hold my own when that company have not been by my side, I have be able to go in and around, where many others are not able to recall back from, and are forever drawn and glued to that one feeling, thou it has often left me on the outer, it has been far better to observe many things than to experience for my self that which can not always be left behind. I must also remind myself that not to long ago, around the same time of year I also experienced the same as which I now go through, and have been there before I know what to do and what not to do, and what can be left and must be dealt with, and what is necessary and what is in surplus, but I can now use this time for reflection, and look to see what it is I want, and what I have to do to fulfil my personal legend, which is indeed what I am on track now to follow, what exactly I will end up doing is not really relevant just as long as it fits the criteria as set above, and I can move on to increase and not be a part of the problem any longer and hopefully become a part of the solution, the road has many cracks, turns and bumps, but If I stay true to myself and the path I will have no need to worry, and know that all things pass, with less than six months roughly till I go home again, I shall use this time to further my reading, and listening, and my practice most of all, so that I will be ready for the travelling ahead, I am certain it will not all go as I wish, but I think if I don’t rush anything and go at my own pace, and listen to my heart, and not throw away all of my money, then I will never be lost again, and never need to rely upon the help of others, regardless of what happens, I must always look within, not out to find happiness, and to maybe even let go of a few things to achieve that.
Its funny that I have also just realized this week that I have been blessed with good people my whole, and have had the strength to hold my own when that company have not been by my side, I have be able to go in and around, where many others are not able to recall back from, and are forever drawn and glued to that one feeling, thou it has often left me on the outer, it has been far better to observe many things than to experience for my self that which can not always be left behind. I must also remind myself that not to long ago, around the same time of year I also experienced the same as which I now go through, and have been there before I know what to do and what not to do, and what can be left and must be dealt with, and what is necessary and what is in surplus, but I can now use this time for reflection, and look to see what it is I want, and what I have to do to fulfil my personal legend, which is indeed what I am on track now to follow, what exactly I will end up doing is not really relevant just as long as it fits the criteria as set above, and I can move on to increase and not be a part of the problem any longer and hopefully become a part of the solution, the road has many cracks, turns and bumps, but If I stay true to myself and the path I will have no need to worry, and know that all things pass, with less than six months roughly till I go home again, I shall use this time to further my reading, and listening, and my practice most of all, so that I will be ready for the travelling ahead, I am certain it will not all go as I wish, but I think if I don’t rush anything and go at my own pace, and listen to my heart, and not throw away all of my money, then I will never be lost again, and never need to rely upon the help of others, regardless of what happens, I must always look within, not out to find happiness, and to maybe even let go of a few things to achieve that.
CONQUER THY SELF
Sung Ch’ang – Hsing – pg 66
The strength of those who conquer themselves is of ten kinds
Strength of Faith
Strength of Charity
Strength of Morality
Strength of Devotion
Strength of Meditation
Strength of Concentration
Strength of Illumination
Strength of Wisdom
Strength of The way
Strength of Virtue
The strength of those who conquer themselves is of ten kinds
Strength of Faith
Strength of Charity
Strength of Morality
Strength of Devotion
Strength of Meditation
Strength of Concentration
Strength of Illumination
Strength of Wisdom
Strength of The way
Strength of Virtue
Thursday, December 29, 2005
WILL THE BLEEDING STOP
I’m standing on the edge of the cliff,
I’m sorry I had to leave you again,
But I know I will hold you again,
I just cant wait to hold you again,
If only I could explain,
So that you would understand,
But I cant put into words what my heart feels,
Inside is so warm, but outside so cold,
Inside is so tired, but outside so raw,
Maybe its not the words that counts,
But the ways you feel me feel you,
I’m spinning around on the inside,
So fast I cant see where I am,
Who is there to help me,
Who is there who cares,
What difference does it matter,
I can do upon which I need,
What I want needs to match,
All you need is love,
As they say nothing else matters,
Its taken years and years, and one day with you,
For me to understand, how lucky I can be,
Feel sorry for those who never will,
But I will try and do what I can,
How much better is an orchestra,
Than a single musician,
How much better is a field of roses,
Than a single petal,
Don’t be alarmed, the truth is not always pleasant,
In fact it isn’t anything but just is,
We worry about the future, because we think it may cause more suffering, but there is suffering in everything, good and bad are just judgments, based upon our own benefit, or of that of others, we all think that we have so much control, but how much control do we have, so very very little its unbelievable, its hard enough to control our own mind, let alone our bodies or what others are doing, if we all could look inside and control our own thoughts then evolution could occur instantaneously, like a switch.
I’m sorry I had to leave you again,
But I know I will hold you again,
I just cant wait to hold you again,
If only I could explain,
So that you would understand,
But I cant put into words what my heart feels,
Inside is so warm, but outside so cold,
Inside is so tired, but outside so raw,
Maybe its not the words that counts,
But the ways you feel me feel you,
I’m spinning around on the inside,
So fast I cant see where I am,
Who is there to help me,
Who is there who cares,
What difference does it matter,
I can do upon which I need,
What I want needs to match,
All you need is love,
As they say nothing else matters,
Its taken years and years, and one day with you,
For me to understand, how lucky I can be,
Feel sorry for those who never will,
But I will try and do what I can,
How much better is an orchestra,
Than a single musician,
How much better is a field of roses,
Than a single petal,
Don’t be alarmed, the truth is not always pleasant,
In fact it isn’t anything but just is,
We worry about the future, because we think it may cause more suffering, but there is suffering in everything, good and bad are just judgments, based upon our own benefit, or of that of others, we all think that we have so much control, but how much control do we have, so very very little its unbelievable, its hard enough to control our own mind, let alone our bodies or what others are doing, if we all could look inside and control our own thoughts then evolution could occur instantaneously, like a switch.
Saturday, December 24, 2005
WHERE AM I GOING
Aries “The emphasis is on travel. You go to relatives and they come to you. You’ll go through money but we all do at Christmas. Unfortunately the money you spend is meant for other things- there are bills associated with the government. Contact with interstate or overseas which is normal for this time of year. Your love stars are only fair. You’re the flavour of the month with someone and they rate highly with you but that’s as far as it goes. So if you were hoping for moments of ecstasy you can just about forget it.”
Saturday, December 03, 2005
WHAT CONTROL
ah what a wonderful world we live in, its amazing how the world works, and you just need to wait for what you need, and what you want is just a bonus, its amazing when it all just fits in place, and you really don’t even have to do anything, what control do we have, I don’t even want it really, its much better when you just go with the flow, don’t try to swim against the tide, but just relax, when inside is set and calm, then the outside will follow, I know that every time I stop reading my book I end up doing some harm to some one, but then maybe I just forget, or just damn fucken lazy, “all a nigga really needs is just a little bit, not a lot baby girl just a little bit” 50 cent. The happier you are with less, the longer it will last, and the amount of stress you suffer will be so much less, so much less, there is a lesson each day, it wether we can see, understand, or use it to our advantage or that of someone else, what we want is a funny, thing thou it may not always be for out benefit, well by our limited judgment any way of the present moment, it’s a choice how you feel tis moment, don’t let others control your happiness, and don’t let the world bring you down, now i’m not in a place I enjoy, but I still have fun, and use it as best as I can, because I know soon I will be where I wanna be, and even thou it may not work or even be as I wish it to be, its still going to be better in my “life situation”, even thou I may own less now, I don’t care for such empty belongings, they cause more grief in the long run, and increase the difficultness, and time of other more beneficial projects, and when you bask in the silence you realize how useless your thought can be and how negative, useless, pain in the ass they are, bringing you down from the inside, your own mind in the end harms its own host, and I’ve seen that rich or poor, own a lot or nothing, its still so amazing the power it has, and basically they are still on the same level, and there for there growth will always be limited, and I’ve seen the power of music, and tradition with its ceremonies, I know I will always be alright and probably with a level of laziness but I will always do what I have to do, and a few that I don’t, for the benefit of the universe, I wonder if karma belongs beyond this world and runs through entwined with the whole universe, I will be alright, and I will only grow, just as long as I can keep reading, and I have to stay focused, not so much on my goals but on the inside the rest will follow if I keep the inside on check, and nothing else will matter
Friday, November 18, 2005
MY CONFESSION
well a lots certainly gone down since the last two years when I started this shit, and it feels like a lot has changes, and a lot has been resolved, and questions answered, but there are still a lot worse on the inside, which for some reason maybe I don’t wish to deal with, for what reason I don’t know at the moment, but I hope its just a little extra ingredients to bring me closer to that beautiful cake, which who knows how it will turn out, and who knows what will happen next, at least in the short term I can answer that here, and I hope it will become more and more like that, who will know what will happen and how things will turn out, I hope that it is for the better, and it all really is in your head, I still think what is the point, maybe I will always, and then I remember my promise, and my faith, and of course the point is life, that is all there is, I just I hope I can turn it around to be a positive which it isn’t at the moment, well not to much any way, but that will change as soon as I can start making some money and I hope that this time will pass, and be a gateway to benefit many many more people than just myself,, I just wish I could leave now,, but then that wont help anyone, just as long as I can save heaps and heaps of money, and all I have to do is wait this one year out, that’s all, that will be the hardest part, and I will need a lot of help, but I will manage I’ve done it before, and I don’t care about anything else at the moment, probably not good but I cant help it at the moment with this pain in my heart, where did it come from, I have felt this before but it was helped by a few little extra ingredients I don’t wish for any more, how come nothing can be done without any pain, there is always suffering in everything I do, Buddha is always right, again and again, its all a mystery, to me, if I could take all the emotion,, and fear out of the equation then there would be no pain, and i’m in my own jail, but I know how to beat it, well not beat but work through it or whatever, I know all the answers I have already, I just need to find them and probably more to the point is to understand them, salvation is within, get busy living, or get busy dying, I guess I cant complain, I just need a start and then I can go and smash it, once I start I will be alright and will be able to focus upon what I need to do now, and I wont have to feel so shit, and on the verge of the gaping casim which has always been my way I guess, maybe I should change it, uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, this wont last.
“I’ve got another confession to make, I’m your fool.” Foo fighters.
Trapped between two worlds, with no way out,
I’m not going to cry or even shout,
I’ve gotta keep going for the promised I made,
There are no guarantees, for even best plans laid,
I want to know what the darkness is for,
Only the light can tell me any more,
The hole is getting heavier, and darker,
This will only make it easier, and quicker,
When the switch is flicked, and I fall over the edge,
The heaven will be ripped, and rain with a sledge,
Break the chains I tied myself,
Breaking my own health
“I’ve got another confession to make, I’m your fool.” Foo fighters.
Trapped between two worlds, with no way out,
I’m not going to cry or even shout,
I’ve gotta keep going for the promised I made,
There are no guarantees, for even best plans laid,
I want to know what the darkness is for,
Only the light can tell me any more,
The hole is getting heavier, and darker,
This will only make it easier, and quicker,
When the switch is flicked, and I fall over the edge,
The heaven will be ripped, and rain with a sledge,
Break the chains I tied myself,
Breaking my own health
Sunday, November 13, 2005
FOR NOW
well everything is going alright at the moment I think, but every time I seem to think something radical happens and just fucks me up, but that’s okay I’ve got some shit going here that I keep doing for a while and actually achieve something and improve myself, and my life skills.
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