I cant believe time has gone by so quick meeting so many people everywhere, and there’s no time for sitting on your arse, and the contrast between rich and poor are like never I have seen, and the pro’s make the most money with others on 3 dollars a day, went to Phi Phi island last night for half moon party which was off the hook, a party right on the beach with fire dancing and buckets of bourbon for 6 dollars, people nice but way too many tourists, everyday has been a big learning curve, with many people at franks bar, Stens Queen Mary, bangle, Phi Phi was absolutely beautiful and what I thought Phuket would be, but its so dirty.
Friday, November 26, 2004
Friday, November 19, 2004
UNBELIEVABLE
, hot and wet, an absolutely unbelievable time here. The contrast between beauty/ugly, good/bad, is really really Jekyll and Hyde, everything here is for sale, and the amount of people I have met and know, has blown out all initial plans and abilities I thought I would have, which all started Thursday night, have dinner a few drinks and end up on the beach, meet 10-15 people, then from there meet another 10 -15 people each night a new bar, with more falang, to get mao, meet mainly good people, Jason, looked after me, met nick(aussie)bar-Katoy’s R US, then Sten (I think with great place) opening party and will be mao, and went to bangle unbelievable go to Soi Lion, where all the pro’s work, 300 baht just to release than pay 1000 baht.
Friday, November 12, 2004
FINALLY HOME
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX SPECIAL REPORT: THAILAND XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
Baan Jintana,, Patong beach, Phuket, hot wet, and wet, unbelievable, its so weird flying, you walk down this small hall sit down in a small chair surrounded by hundreds of people, watch a movie, sleep a little, then try to sleep a little more, then you wake up again and BANG your in another world amazing everything has gone better than I could have planned, a lot better, no checks straight to the hotel, dodgy shower lovely room, TG bloody everywhere, there all cute.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX SPECIAL REPORT: THAILAND XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
Baan Jintana,, Patong beach, Phuket, hot wet, and wet, unbelievable, its so weird flying, you walk down this small hall sit down in a small chair surrounded by hundreds of people, watch a movie, sleep a little, then try to sleep a little more, then you wake up again and BANG your in another world amazing everything has gone better than I could have planned, a lot better, no checks straight to the hotel, dodgy shower lovely room, TG bloody everywhere, there all cute.
Wednesday, November 03, 2004
MANIC DEPRESSIVE
at home in Melbourne, cold wet windy mid teens, overcast, quite a bit nervous at times, and sometimes rather excited, but then sometimes it doesn’t quite seem real, as though nothing is going to happen.
I am of the nature to age, I have not gone beyond ageing,
I am of the nature to sicken, I have not gone beyond sickness,
I am of the nature to die, I have not gone beyond dying,
All that is mine beloved and pleasing will change and become otherwise, will become separate from me.
I am the owner of my karma, heir to my karma, born of my karma, related to my karma, abide separated by my karma, whatever karma I shall do, for good or ill, of that I will be the heir.
Buddha.
I am of the nature to age, I have not gone beyond ageing,
I am of the nature to sicken, I have not gone beyond sickness,
I am of the nature to die, I have not gone beyond dying,
All that is mine beloved and pleasing will change and become otherwise, will become separate from me.
I am the owner of my karma, heir to my karma, born of my karma, related to my karma, abide separated by my karma, whatever karma I shall do, for good or ill, of that I will be the heir.
Buddha.
Monday, November 01, 2004
DAY BY DAY I GROW
its hard to say how much I have “improved”, over the last year, until I am in that situation again, maybe its my fear of loneliness that has pushed further into religion, I don’t crave that kind of attention anymore, but would rather seek out the wise, and compassionate teachers which I know are out there, hopefully along my travels I will be able to meet and learn from such wisdom, to let go when it really counts, its so easy to say I will do this, and be like that, but until the actual experience dawns upon us, we really don’t know what to expect, which can make it hard to prepare for but a hell of a lot more rewarding, but only if your open enough, and not to stubborn, it is amazing how religion can release all of your fears, is it because it is the truth, is it just because it feeds us a false hope, well will any kind of hope do, is a form of brainwashing, done by the individual, is it love, is it fear, that we believe and will we follow what ever feeds that, what is it that drives one to even seek such answers, is it fear and love, or is it just to find answers which are beyond our comprehension, how simple we are, how easy it is to solve everyone else’s problem, without the grey ;life would be so simple but why do we let emotion and attachment, and the ego, to interrupt our decisions, therefore our lives, I just wish to love all beings the way they wish to be loved, to make them happy with whatever they need to be happy, and to be free, of suffering, no matter, how much or little, big or small, short or tall, we still suffer, you cant rid the world of suffering for people but only show them how they can do it for themselves, freedom and suffering are funny words, as they can mean such much to some, for some people freedom is a physical ability, that they can go and do whatever they want when they want, but this is not freedom, freedom comes from within, some people who work or day, and all week, don’t feel free either, and suffering for some one could be as small as losing money or having something stolen, this is their suffering and is of no less significance as another because it causes the same amount of stress, but what are you really losing, your gaining your own freedom back, the more you own the more stress you accumulate, and the more they begin to own you, but for those who loose there whole family wouldn’t even care if they lost everything they owned, and this could be at any age
Wednesday, October 20, 2004
ALL CONDITIONED PHENOMENA ARE IMPERMANENT
“sabbe sankhara anicca”, (all conditioned phenomena are impermanent), “sabbe dhamma anatta”, (all things are not self) not long now only about 3 weeks, which will be sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo good, i’m getting chills, to be living in another culture will be just and amazing experience, where each I can get up and not have to worry bout anything, and just do what
I feel, thou I will make sure it does become to hedonistic, and that all actions are in line with the five refuges, and don’t cause any suffering, hopefully, this is probably going to underlay everything I do from now on, and will greatly influence any desires, or success in which I will judge my life, and my direction, to increase as the happiness in this universe, and to try and attempt to help alleviate the suffering which occur each moment, through, selfishness, fear, and ignorance, but to do this as successfully as possible I will need to rid them from my own mind first, before I can begin to even start thinking that I will be able to help those around me, where ever I am, if all beings were on this path, there would be such insignificant suffering we would all be in heaven, and what is pain anyway, its just am electrical signal travelling along tracks in the body to the brain, is it caused by just unconformability, or does the mind just create as an escape for itself, when one needs an excuse to not do something it wish’s to not do, if I could be the pain in my body what else would be able to stop me, is it just a mental battle, or is there more to it, I do enjoy prolonging it even though I probably shouldn’t, to push my levels of resistance is always a challenge and a tussle I enjoy, especially seeing as I don’t always win, but I don’t think any of this is about winning or losing, but keeping the balance, the whole circle of life, there is no such thing as death but in our own mind, all that is created dies, but the truth which is not created, nor energy continue forever, because without them there is nothing and there cant be just nothing because it just wouldn’t be able to exist, but I must admit I am becoming a lot more comfortable with the whole idea of it in the end, not saying when it comes I will sail through with flying colours, but right now it’s a lot easier to mentions, and even contemplate, be because if nothing lasts forever than how can death also last for ever, ever thing is in a constant state of evolution, and reaction, its taken me a lot of evolving to realise the truth as it is, set forth in many religions, faiths, and even just ideologies from around the world, and that’s because it’s the truth, it doesn’t change because life and the energy within doesn’t change, but just transforms, in a constant state of flux, but at the moment the world is on a sliding scale which isn’t getting better at the moment and will be unfortunate get worse until it starts getting better, but one day it will all be over and everything with be on the other side of the scale, until it then begins again
Why dream of what can be done,
Wake up before the sun,
You know you will have fun,
Just remember rule one,
I pray that one day,
The world will see the way,
It pains my heart
People are afraid to start,
Stop trying to protect your little ego,
Its just more you will need to let go,
No one ever really dies,
I will hear you heedless cries,
Foolish to think you’re alone,
I’m a second away on the phone,
It wouldn’t be so hard if we let go together,
Drop to the ground like a feather.
I Know your weakness because there my own,
Not fooled by the sweetness you’ve shown,
All you need to do is open,
If a permits himself to be oppressed by something that ought to oppress him, his name will certainly be disgraced. If he leans upon which one cannot lean, his life will certainly be endangered. For him who is in disgrace and danger, the hour of death draws near’ pg 339
Love and hate combat each other, and good fortune and misfortune result there from. The far and the near injure each other, and remorse and humiliation result there from. The true and the false influence each other, and advantage and injury result there from. In all situations of the book of changes it is thus: when closely related things do not harmonize, misfortune is the result: this gives rise to injury, remorse, and humiliation. 355
The superior man sets his person at rest before he moves: he composes his mind before he speaks: he makes his relations firm before he asks for something. By attending to these three matters, the superior man gains complete security. But if a man is brusque in movements, others will not co-operate. If he is agitated in his words, they awaken no echo in others. If he asks for something without having first established relations, it will not be given to him. If no one is with him, those who would harm him draw near. In the book of changes it is said: he brings increase to no one. Indeed, someone even strikes him. He does not keep his heart constantly steady. Misfortune 343
In a struggle with an enemy of superior strength, retreat is no disgrace. Timely withdrawal prevents bad consequences. If out of false sense of honour, a man allowed himself to be tempted into an unequal conflict; he would be drawing down disaster upon himself. In such case a wise and conciliatory attitude benefits the whole community, which will then not be drawn into conflict. 30
How is it that people can be so different when bought up the same, and as family and friends, and all the living beings in this world is all we should be concerned with, why is there so much suffering, people are so quick to protect there own ego, it leaves very little room for others, I think over the last year or so empathy has been my biggest lesson, and often find protecting those I even dislike, and those who cant protect themselves, if I can do it then it obviously isn’t hard, or even take much effort or energy, just a little thought outside of the box, a bit lateral, if ya know what I mean, in it, and possessions are so meaningless, no matter how much they cost or there size, they don’t last and we spend so much time worrying about them that it hardly seems worth it, it hurts me so, and almost brings me to tears just the thought of peoples lack of thought, when its so easy, how many of the worlds problems arise from not thinking of others, this life and the energy we are, lasts so much longer than your bank, house, or car, I don’t care for TVs, electronics, or words of fear and delusion, its so clear through tear filled eyes that your only hurting yourself, participating in these actions of greed, anger, fear, lust, and dishonesty, by no means am I free of these defilements, but by being aware of them, and becoming more mindful, and in the present moment, I know I have greatly reduced these negative actions, and there negative consequences nearest my heart, and even just those beings lives in which I enter into each day,
You call me up and I'll say a few words
But I’ll try not to speak too long
Please to be kind and I'II try to explain
I’ll probably get it all wrong
What does it mean when you promise someone
That no matter how hard or whatever may come
It means that I won t give in,
won t give in, won t give in
Cause everyone I love is here
Play it once, disappear
Once in a while I return to the fold
With people I call my own
Even if time is just a flicker of light
And we all have to die alone
What does it mean when you belong to someone
Do you already ? ? ? Do you carry it on
It means that I won t give in, won t give in, won t give in
Cause everyone I love is here
All at once, and I'II show you how to get here
Come on now, come on now, can you feel it,
I can see it in ya
Come on now, come on now,
reveal it, turn around won t ya
The right time, the right place, right now, turn around
A chance is made, a chance is lost,
I carry myself to the edge of the earth
It means that I won t give in, won t give in, won t give in
Cause everyone I love is here
Say it once, just say it, and disappear
LOS LONELY BOYS LYRICS
Heaven
Vamanos!
Save me from this prison
Lord, help me get away
'Cause only you can save me now
From this misery
Well I've been lost in my own place
And I'm getting' weary
How far is heaven?
And I know that I need to change
My ways of living
How far is heaven?
Lord, can you tell me?
I've been locked up way too long
In this crazy world
How far is heaven?
I just keep on prayin', Lord
I just keep on livin'
How far is heaven?
(Oh, Lord, can you tell me?)
How far is heaven?
(I just gotta know how far it is)
How far is heaven?
(Oh, Lord, can you tell me?)
Tu que estas en alto cielo, hechame tu bendicion.
[translated from Spanish: you that's in a higher place, send me down a blessing]
'Cause I know there's a better place
In this place I'm livin'
How far is heaven?
So I just got to show some faith
And just keep on givin'
How far is heaven?
(Oh, Lord can you tell me)
How far is heaven?
(I just gotta know how far it is)
How far is heaven?
(Oh, Lord, can you tell me?)
How far is heaven?
I just gotta know how far
I just wanna know how far
I feel, thou I will make sure it does become to hedonistic, and that all actions are in line with the five refuges, and don’t cause any suffering, hopefully, this is probably going to underlay everything I do from now on, and will greatly influence any desires, or success in which I will judge my life, and my direction, to increase as the happiness in this universe, and to try and attempt to help alleviate the suffering which occur each moment, through, selfishness, fear, and ignorance, but to do this as successfully as possible I will need to rid them from my own mind first, before I can begin to even start thinking that I will be able to help those around me, where ever I am, if all beings were on this path, there would be such insignificant suffering we would all be in heaven, and what is pain anyway, its just am electrical signal travelling along tracks in the body to the brain, is it caused by just unconformability, or does the mind just create as an escape for itself, when one needs an excuse to not do something it wish’s to not do, if I could be the pain in my body what else would be able to stop me, is it just a mental battle, or is there more to it, I do enjoy prolonging it even though I probably shouldn’t, to push my levels of resistance is always a challenge and a tussle I enjoy, especially seeing as I don’t always win, but I don’t think any of this is about winning or losing, but keeping the balance, the whole circle of life, there is no such thing as death but in our own mind, all that is created dies, but the truth which is not created, nor energy continue forever, because without them there is nothing and there cant be just nothing because it just wouldn’t be able to exist, but I must admit I am becoming a lot more comfortable with the whole idea of it in the end, not saying when it comes I will sail through with flying colours, but right now it’s a lot easier to mentions, and even contemplate, be because if nothing lasts forever than how can death also last for ever, ever thing is in a constant state of evolution, and reaction, its taken me a lot of evolving to realise the truth as it is, set forth in many religions, faiths, and even just ideologies from around the world, and that’s because it’s the truth, it doesn’t change because life and the energy within doesn’t change, but just transforms, in a constant state of flux, but at the moment the world is on a sliding scale which isn’t getting better at the moment and will be unfortunate get worse until it starts getting better, but one day it will all be over and everything with be on the other side of the scale, until it then begins again
Why dream of what can be done,
Wake up before the sun,
You know you will have fun,
Just remember rule one,
I pray that one day,
The world will see the way,
It pains my heart
People are afraid to start,
Stop trying to protect your little ego,
Its just more you will need to let go,
No one ever really dies,
I will hear you heedless cries,
Foolish to think you’re alone,
I’m a second away on the phone,
It wouldn’t be so hard if we let go together,
Drop to the ground like a feather.
I Know your weakness because there my own,
Not fooled by the sweetness you’ve shown,
All you need to do is open,
If a permits himself to be oppressed by something that ought to oppress him, his name will certainly be disgraced. If he leans upon which one cannot lean, his life will certainly be endangered. For him who is in disgrace and danger, the hour of death draws near’ pg 339
Love and hate combat each other, and good fortune and misfortune result there from. The far and the near injure each other, and remorse and humiliation result there from. The true and the false influence each other, and advantage and injury result there from. In all situations of the book of changes it is thus: when closely related things do not harmonize, misfortune is the result: this gives rise to injury, remorse, and humiliation. 355
The superior man sets his person at rest before he moves: he composes his mind before he speaks: he makes his relations firm before he asks for something. By attending to these three matters, the superior man gains complete security. But if a man is brusque in movements, others will not co-operate. If he is agitated in his words, they awaken no echo in others. If he asks for something without having first established relations, it will not be given to him. If no one is with him, those who would harm him draw near. In the book of changes it is said: he brings increase to no one. Indeed, someone even strikes him. He does not keep his heart constantly steady. Misfortune 343
In a struggle with an enemy of superior strength, retreat is no disgrace. Timely withdrawal prevents bad consequences. If out of false sense of honour, a man allowed himself to be tempted into an unequal conflict; he would be drawing down disaster upon himself. In such case a wise and conciliatory attitude benefits the whole community, which will then not be drawn into conflict. 30
How is it that people can be so different when bought up the same, and as family and friends, and all the living beings in this world is all we should be concerned with, why is there so much suffering, people are so quick to protect there own ego, it leaves very little room for others, I think over the last year or so empathy has been my biggest lesson, and often find protecting those I even dislike, and those who cant protect themselves, if I can do it then it obviously isn’t hard, or even take much effort or energy, just a little thought outside of the box, a bit lateral, if ya know what I mean, in it, and possessions are so meaningless, no matter how much they cost or there size, they don’t last and we spend so much time worrying about them that it hardly seems worth it, it hurts me so, and almost brings me to tears just the thought of peoples lack of thought, when its so easy, how many of the worlds problems arise from not thinking of others, this life and the energy we are, lasts so much longer than your bank, house, or car, I don’t care for TVs, electronics, or words of fear and delusion, its so clear through tear filled eyes that your only hurting yourself, participating in these actions of greed, anger, fear, lust, and dishonesty, by no means am I free of these defilements, but by being aware of them, and becoming more mindful, and in the present moment, I know I have greatly reduced these negative actions, and there negative consequences nearest my heart, and even just those beings lives in which I enter into each day,
You call me up and I'll say a few words
But I’ll try not to speak too long
Please to be kind and I'II try to explain
I’ll probably get it all wrong
What does it mean when you promise someone
That no matter how hard or whatever may come
It means that I won t give in,
won t give in, won t give in
Cause everyone I love is here
Play it once, disappear
Once in a while I return to the fold
With people I call my own
Even if time is just a flicker of light
And we all have to die alone
What does it mean when you belong to someone
Do you already ? ? ? Do you carry it on
It means that I won t give in, won t give in, won t give in
Cause everyone I love is here
All at once, and I'II show you how to get here
Come on now, come on now, can you feel it,
I can see it in ya
Come on now, come on now,
reveal it, turn around won t ya
The right time, the right place, right now, turn around
A chance is made, a chance is lost,
I carry myself to the edge of the earth
It means that I won t give in, won t give in, won t give in
Cause everyone I love is here
Say it once, just say it, and disappear
LOS LONELY BOYS LYRICS
Heaven
Vamanos!
Save me from this prison
Lord, help me get away
'Cause only you can save me now
From this misery
Well I've been lost in my own place
And I'm getting' weary
How far is heaven?
And I know that I need to change
My ways of living
How far is heaven?
Lord, can you tell me?
I've been locked up way too long
In this crazy world
How far is heaven?
I just keep on prayin', Lord
I just keep on livin'
How far is heaven?
(Oh, Lord, can you tell me?)
How far is heaven?
(I just gotta know how far it is)
How far is heaven?
(Oh, Lord, can you tell me?)
Tu que estas en alto cielo, hechame tu bendicion.
[translated from Spanish: you that's in a higher place, send me down a blessing]
'Cause I know there's a better place
In this place I'm livin'
How far is heaven?
So I just got to show some faith
And just keep on givin'
How far is heaven?
(Oh, Lord can you tell me)
How far is heaven?
(I just gotta know how far it is)
How far is heaven?
(Oh, Lord, can you tell me?)
How far is heaven?
I just gotta know how far
I just wanna know how far
Monday, October 18, 2004
I JUST CANT STAY
not long now, and I cant wait, ha ha ha, of course I can seeing as it also allows me to organise everything that I have to and make sure I have enough cash, which hopefully wont be a problem, but not having any responsibilities or jobs, or anything actually will be good, especially since I have been at school pretty much most of my life, and working most of the last five years, I don’t even know what its like to have nothing to do, which will be sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo good I cant wait, the excitement is beginning to build up and blow like a volcano, but its all going to be okay, there is also a little sadness at leaving everything behind, but there is something inside that cant stay here forever, I know I will see everything again, and everybody, but to immerse myself into another culture so far from mine, not only in distance but in all that governs one life will be so very good, and though I have limited experience in it, only having left the country for two months, it was the most liberating experience, and the knowledge that arises from it can not be taught or learnt any other way, and if I need to work just part time than that will just have to be, but i’m so excited to be leaving in just less than two months, that I will be living in a new country learning and living their way will be so good, and to be able to practice will be so relieving, and meeting with new people will be the most amazing experience, maybe I will even do some volunteer work which will also be very good, but a little harder to organise, so that will be a little lower upon the list of priorities, but nether the less an idea, its also interesting to hear what people think about you, wether it be good or bad, its also been very good spending time with Bhante each week, to follow in his foot steps would also be amazing, and to come back here and teach would also be very good, at least this way all questions and doubt will be set upon in concrete for, and there will be no turning back, to rise above, and cross the line or to fall, and crash and burn, I also think that fears cant be beaten for a lay person, but that we just develop better methods for coping, which me thinks is just as important, but it all comes down to becoming a witness, and having the ability to see how and why certain things arise within oneself, and also within others, the more I practice the more I realise we are all the same, and that blaming and harming, others only weakens your own self, when you see, just see, when you hear, just hear, when you smell just smell, when you touch just touch, when you know just know, its amazing how simple it all is, and yet so many people don’t see it, it took me 24 years to realise its simplicity and beauty, and the “eternalness” of it, it is quite mind blowing, to experience without judgement, without labelling, without criticising, without fear, without anger, without religion, without politics, without money, without hatred, when one sees and understands, one can no longer feel hatred or a want to harm, because one knows, and one cant help but to feel love, and a love that has no judgment, or label, or direction, but a true want for all living beings to be happy, healthy and free from suffering, a purity that is true and clear, its so obvious that hate only breeds hate, fear breeds fear, and only love will save the day, “all you need is love” John Lennon.
MY PARALLEL
its interesting to see how most relationships are either convergent, or divergent, few remain parallel, which for obvious reasons would be almost impossible, as one tries to give more as the other tries to take more, the ego causes so much suffering to oneself, and those in which it is inflicted upon, I hope that the suffering I cause has significantly dropped over the last year, the laws of man seem so futile, so emotionless, and egotistical, one needs to look beyond to the laws of the universe, and contemplate upon the amount of suffering one causes, the main problem is that few even realise there own mistakes. Which is understandable, humans are so weak, and the ego is so strong and deceptive, that it takes so much energy mindfulness and concentration to change, that in a split second of no concentration, one can be so greedy and selfish, I can see how the mind what works, always living in fear, trying to protect itself, funnily enough from other egos, and the more I practice the more I realise we are all the same, same fears, wants and desires, needs, and what we think we need, I can see my ego at work and am still taken by it now and then, but as it lessens I realise how difficult it becomes to be honest, people cant handle the truth, because then the ego would loose its control, people are afraid to let go of it, and therefore only wish to hear what the ego wants to hear to reinforce the idea that it is doing a good job, I am very week, but have cut my weakness considerably, and realise that one is sometimes better off saying nothing than causing suffering, everyone already knows there weakness, and tend to choose to ignore them because the ego creates an air of fear around the subject that we wish to go away, but the only way to beat our fears is to walk right thru them, one should not fear, fear itself. Maybe i’m delusional, maybe i’m wrong, but I no longer worry myself with such human judgements but go by the universal laws, if u give, It will be given, if you take it will be taken, if you teach hate, hate will always be your master, if you teach love the universe will love, and the universe is made of energy, this is all that exists, one can change this energy easily, but one should only do without ego, and if the individual wish’s it, otherwise it becomes manipulation, which will never achieve the correct result no matter how we wish, you cant make people do, if they don’t want to, they will fight it always, its not in our nature to
Wednesday, September 15, 2004
15 September 2004 11:58 AM
its amazing how everybody seems to want to be, or look like someone else, and that they need so many things, other than clothes and food, there is little else one needs, a home is of course preferable, but there are of course many unfortunate people who lack any kind of home, or a house really, if people were content with what they had the world would be a lot happier, and its always the poorest countries which are happier according to scientists, maybe its because they don’t have a choice, or there just happy with the simple things in life, happiness has to arise from within, the further I go the more I know this is the right path for me, i’m not going to do things just because everybody else is doing them, that’s such a weak excuse, thou I know it arises from the ego, people just trying to fit in, and feel normal, when who’s normal, what’s normal anyway, its amazing how powerful the ego is, telling us we enjoys things that clearly harms us and those around us, by just brushing it off with some stupid excuse, and its funny how the two worst drugs in the world are legal, and the government makes so much money off, of it, more people die from smoking each than all the other elicit drugs put together, not to mention alcohol, which kills just as many, yet because its acceptable by society we seem to brush it off as alright, and its not like its hard to get any drug what so ever, you just have to walk down some streets and people come up to you, let alone being in a club, I don’t know if I follow the greens idea but at least there trying something different because what’s in place is definitely not working, I know more people that smoke dope than cigarettes, and even some states its legal, and may even have medicinal benefits, which would make more sense as it is natural, rather than some other chemicals manufactured in a lab somewhere, if the government was smart, they could regulate each drug and sell it cheap, which would wipe out most of the criminal underworld, as there would be less people committing crimes trying to feed there habit, and the gangs would have nothing left to deal in, and the government could make cash out of it as well, and that would take out the multibillion dollar industry within a year, because then people would know exactly what they where getting, and the government could keep it clean, and regulate the dosage, so people wouldn’t OD, or have allergic reactions to the other crap that people just chuck in, the problem is I guess its hard to know what would happen, cause you cant go back once its in place, but something needs to be, for people with addictive personalities will always find something to feel dependant on, because of there ego telling them that its alright if it kills me and my family because it makes me feel good, it just sounds so stupid, maybe its how where bought up, or its in the genes, because each culture has its problems, some its smoking, drinking, some its weed, some its opium, I guess what ever is available will do when you think you need something anything will do, drugs will always be around, and people will always take them legal or not, safe or harmful, maybe instead of focusing upon the criminal element of it, maybe focus upon more education, or maybe because it illegal and people like to be naughty and risky, adding an element of excitement to the experience, i’m not to sure why people feel they have to do it on a regular basis, I can understand trying new things, that is fair enough, how can you knock without trying it, but many people judge other one what they don’t understand or have never experienced, how can people tell others what to do when they don’t know what they feel, or understand, and just because their satisfied with doing what ever it is there doing, doesn’t mean that its even right, or even more, that everyone else should do it, why make people do what they don t enjoy just because your stuck doing it, and why do people judge so quickly what is good for, and that they rate a non wasteful life upon how much money they have, or how good a job they have, or how big there house is, these are such empty rewards, what about feeing your mind, emotional intelligence is far more beneficial than intellectual, its no good be really smart if you cant communicate or survive in a group of people, there was once a time when I thought that if I got this and achieved that then I would be happy, but I soon realised that as soon as you get it, your looking for the next thing to achieve, that next hurdle, or mountain to climb, why is it less respectable to be garbage man than a teaching, the world needs both just as much, probably need a garbage more and more as the amount of crap we produce each year, imagine if that was left out on the street for even a month and the amount of disease that would arise would wipe out all the sick, young and elderly, but people are more and more teaching there own children at home, to be intelligent should be a judge of an individual, but how compassionate, giving and helpful they are, like the dalai lama, mother Teresa, Fred hollows, these people who give the most ultimate gift in the universe, which is there own time and love to help other beings, not judging them for their likes or dislikes, religion or non, hetero or gay, old or young, rich or poor, if you take away everything we all owned, all you would see are naked beings, all the same, like we see other animals, we are far lower upon the civilisation stakes than so many other amazing animals, what animal fights over clothing, gold or buildings, but over food and land, and what animal kills another for fun, or any other emotion other than life, to live is all they know yet we take, take, take, take, for no reason other than greed, thinking to much about there own petty self, which can so easily turn to anger and fear, which coexist anger and fear are inseparable, one follows the other
Tuesday, September 07, 2004
7 September 2004 9:59 AM
does man have a destiny, fate, it’s a funny thing, wondering about everything, very mind boggling, but I think there has to be, for there is reason for all that’s lives, and all that feels, from the smallest being to the largest, strongest to the weakest, we should look after all beings, and protect all that se can, and not be so selfish, and think about ourselves, for the small pleasures of eating a piece of meat, because its not a necessity in this society, so other than gluttony and selfishness, or just plain contempt for the compassion of all beings, I see no other reason, why does a being have to die for a such a small reward, and the amount of disease which can arrive from such acts, it’s a lot healthy to just each fruits, vegies and nuts which have more than enough goodness, weak weak weak weak, the more I practice the more I know i’m on the right path, the result is of no concern, why think of buying, if u have no money to spend, why eat when your not hungry, it’s a lot of fun to learn another language, and about another culture so different to your own, doesn’t it make more sense to go through life without harming any beings, or through your action to cause as little suffering as possible, and to increase the love and compassion toward all beings, north south east and west, seen and not seen, I think I’ve finally found my passion, even though I may be a poor practitioner I now know of goals, and a feeling of accomplishment, that not only benefits myself but all beings around the universe, if I can now only get through the rest and not harm anyone either, directly or indirectly I will be very pleased, guilt free and not so afraid, no longer concerned about gaining empty possessions, or upgrading the ones I have, or becoming a slave to money, and what society says will make me happy, with its emptiness that blinds and only just feeds our immediate needs, and yet leaves us empty inside with nothing really all that nourishing or lasting, if we satisfied and happy with what we had, y do we need more and more, life has never been so physically easy in our existence, and yet the biggest illness arising now is depression, hello everybody doesn’t this tell you something, intellectually and emotionally times have never been tougher, as over population of 95% of all the 2/3’s of this planets land, rapes the earth till we ourselves are unable to breath, but seeing as very little leaves this planet, when we pass it will restore itself to its previous glory and wonder, I will be glad to leave it for some time, from this backward society that adores actors and sportsmen which only delude us further millions of dollars to lies and deceive, and to distract us from what is really rising and falling, and yet doctors who save lives daily get very little in comparison, doubt any of these people get even a millions dollars for just six months of work, when other entertainers get millions and millions of dollars a year, including tens, and hundreds of millions of dollars, it just doesn’t make sense, we reward those who deceive and distract compared to those who save lives, and try to increase peoples quality of life, and yet when these entertainers make a mistake everyone in the media is so quick to judge, there only another human being, no more special than a homeless person on the street, each individual has a gift and must utilise it to fulfil there destiny, but something has to go wrong soon, I’ve had such a good run lately I cant believe it even thou I was told it would be, I never thought about it becoming true, very interesting, this magic I have found, very interesting
Sunday, August 22, 2004
22 August 2004 10:16 AM
its certainly an interesting universe we occupy, what is real, why do we “need” a TV or a big house, and a fast car, why do people keep updating everything even thou its not broken, why do we “need” so many TVs in our house, watching other people act out fake lives in stories made up from people watching other people in their life, what difference does it make what name is on our clothing, and who made our car, if people weren’t so afraid and had such small esteem, there would no need to buy new things,
Violent Femmes - Good Feeling Lyrics
Won’t you stay with me just a little longer
It always seems like your leaving
When I need you here just a little longer
Dear lady there's so many things
That I have come to fear
Little voice says I'm going crazy
To see all my worlds disappear
Vague sketch of a fantasy
Laughing at the sunrise
Like he's been up all night
ooo slippin and slidin
What a good time but now
Have to find a bed
That can take this wait
Good feeing
Won’t you say stay with me just a little longer
It always seems like your leaving
When I know the other one
Just a little too well
Oh dear lady
Won’t you stay with me just a little longer
y'know it always seems like your leaving
When I need you here just a little longer
Last Goodbye Lyrics (J. Buckley)
This is our last goodbye
I hate to feel the love between us die
But it's over
Just hear this and then I'll go
You gave me more to live for,
More than you'll ever know.
This is our last embrace,
Must I dream and always see your face
Why can't we overcome this wall
Baby, maybe it is just because I didn't know you at all.
Kiss me, please, Kiss me
But kiss me out of desire, babe, and not consolation
You know, it makes me so angry 'cause I know that in time
I'll only make you cry, this is our last goodbye.
Did you say "no, this can't happen to me,"
And did you rush to the phone to call?
Was there a voice unkind in the back of your mind saying,
"Maybe... you didn't know him at all."
Well, the bells out in the church tower chime
Burning clues into this heart of mine
Thinking so hard on her soft eyes and the memory
Of her sighs that, "it's over... it's over..."
Violent Femmes - Good Feeling Lyrics
Won’t you stay with me just a little longer
It always seems like your leaving
When I need you here just a little longer
Dear lady there's so many things
That I have come to fear
Little voice says I'm going crazy
To see all my worlds disappear
Vague sketch of a fantasy
Laughing at the sunrise
Like he's been up all night
ooo slippin and slidin
What a good time but now
Have to find a bed
That can take this wait
Good feeing
Won’t you say stay with me just a little longer
It always seems like your leaving
When I know the other one
Just a little too well
Oh dear lady
Won’t you stay with me just a little longer
y'know it always seems like your leaving
When I need you here just a little longer
Last Goodbye Lyrics (J. Buckley)
This is our last goodbye
I hate to feel the love between us die
But it's over
Just hear this and then I'll go
You gave me more to live for,
More than you'll ever know.
This is our last embrace,
Must I dream and always see your face
Why can't we overcome this wall
Baby, maybe it is just because I didn't know you at all.
Kiss me, please, Kiss me
But kiss me out of desire, babe, and not consolation
You know, it makes me so angry 'cause I know that in time
I'll only make you cry, this is our last goodbye.
Did you say "no, this can't happen to me,"
And did you rush to the phone to call?
Was there a voice unkind in the back of your mind saying,
"Maybe... you didn't know him at all."
Well, the bells out in the church tower chime
Burning clues into this heart of mine
Thinking so hard on her soft eyes and the memory
Of her sighs that, "it's over... it's over..."
Saturday, August 21, 2004
21 August 2004 8:10 AM
what a weird world we live, what is real, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, this question has dogged for years, for as long as I can remember I have always had this question pounding the inside of my head, squeezing my heart, bashing my mind, weakening my self control, berating my faith, alone in this world, but still a feeling of connection, something in common with all the other souls in the universe,
Saturday, August 14, 2004
14 August 2004 12:00 PM
I’m not looking for paradise, this can only exist within your own mind, a perception of what one thinks is beautiful or perfect, it can only exist in your mind, this also goes for hell, a perception of what you think is negative, the world is as it is, neither heaven or hell, but already both, to be, the same as any other sense, its just a perception what the mind has created to relate and interact and protect itself, sound is nothing but vibrations through the air, sight is nothing but reflected light waves through the air, taste and smell are nothing but chemicals rolling over the tongue or through the nostrils, the tongue doesn’t know what tastes nice, your nose doesn’t know what smells nice, the ears don’t know what sounds nice, your eyes don’t know what looks nice, your tongue, nose, ears and eyes don’t know what you like, it all exists in your mind, touch is nothing but pressure, and all pain is one of these senses being overloaded, that’s all it doesn’t know that it hurts, your skin doesn’t know what’s harmful, these are just perceptions in the minds that decipher beneficial, and non-beneficial, a choice, the same as desire, and aversion, both occur through craving, one to have more of and one to lessen, as we feed one, and starve the other, the craving only strengthens, if I can win here, I have won, no matter where I am in the world, but the mind is a bloody stubborn, weak, stupid, selfish, scared thing that doesn’t wish to let go of the pile of shit it has latched on to, there is better, and there is worse, depending on your state of mind, it’s a constant battle, day in day out, every person has the ability to be great, and beautiful, and each individual has the ability to perform grievous bodily harm, but somewhere between our ears there’s something that makes a choice to be one or the other, or somewhere in the middle, but its so easy to be just selfish weak, etc, but there is little satisfaction here which is why they often escalate, but to do one good deed, can benefit greatly and produce satisfaction for the mind and body I don’t understand why the mind still feed on the other, even though it can flip quicker than any measurement of time, always thinking he opposite of what you are doing, but metta bhawana can change this, it is the only method I have to work, to actually change the way I think, without having to think, which brings up so much joy because I can finally realise that there is a path to freedom, it bloody easy, but then there would be no point, it’s the hardest thing anyone can do which is why so few try and even fewer achieve, but I’ve found I no longer have a choice, without it I can no longer survive, there would be no more happiness because there would be nothing but emptiness but I now know there is something more for sure, I always had an indication, a feeling a sense of there being more than what I can see, but its so hard to prove to yourself, but our soul has to come from somewhere and its bot born, so it doesn’t die, just as all the chemicals in the world will never die, they just transform into what ever there karma has in store for them, I know I have done so many things wrong in the past, but by continuing on this path, and only this path, can I diminish there effects, and increase the positive
“Where Is The Love?” Blackeyed Peas
What's wrong with the world, mamaPeople livin' like they ain't got no mamasI think the whole world addicted to the dramaOnly attracted to things that'll bring you traumaOverseas, yeah, we try to stop terrorismBut we still got terrorists here livin'In the USA, the big CIAThe Bloods and The Crips and the KKKBut if you only have love for your own raceThen you only leave space to discriminateAnd to discriminate only generates hateAnd when you hate then you're bound to get irate, yeahMadness is what you demonstrateAnd that's exactly how anger works and operatesMan, you gotta have love just to set it straightTake control of your mind and meditateLet your soul gravitate to the love, y'all, y'allPeople killin', people dyin'Children hurt and you hear them cryin'Can you practice what you preachAnd would you turn the other cheekFather, Father, Father help usSend some guidance from above'Cause people got me, got me questionin'Where is the love (Love)Where is the love (The love) Where is the love (The love)Where is the love The love, the loveIt just ain't the same, always unchangedNew days are strange, is the world insaneIf love and peace is so strongWhy are there pieces of love that don't belongNations droppin' bombsChemical gasses fillin' lungs of little onesWith ongoin' sufferin' as the youth die youngSo ask yourself is the lovin' really goneSo I could ask myself really what is goin' wrongIn this world that we livin' in people keep on givin inMakin' wrong decisions, only visions of them dividendsNot respectin' each other, deny thy brotherA war is goin' on but the reason's undercoverThe truth is kept secret, it's swept under the rugIf you never know truth then you never know loveWhere's the love, y'all, come on (I don't know)Where's the truth, y'all, come on (I don't know)Where's the love, y'all
People killin', people dyin'Children hurt and you hear them cryin'Can you practice what you preachAnd would you turn the other cheekFather, Father, Father help usSend some guidance from above'Cause people got me, got me questionin'Where is the love (Love)Where is the love (The love) Where is the love (The love)Where is the love The love, the loveI feel the weight of the world on my shoulderAs I'm gettin' older, y'all, people gets colderMost of us only care about money makin'Selfishness got us followin' our wrong directionWrong information always shown by the mediaNegative images is the main criteriaInfecting the young minds faster than bacteriaKids wanna act like what they see in the cinemaYo', whatever happened to the values of humanityWhatever happened to the fairness in equalityInstead of spreading love were spreading animosityLack of understanding, leading lives away from unityThat's the reason why sometimes I'm feelin' underThat's the reason why sometimes I'm feelin' downThere's no wonder why sometimes I'm feelin' underGotta keep my faith alive till love is foundNow ask yourselfWhere is the love? Where is the love?Where is the love? Where is the love?People killin', people dyin'Children hurt and you hear them cryin'Can you practice what you preachAnd would you turn the other cheekFather, Father, Father help usSend some guidance from above'Cause people got me, got me questionin'Where is the love (Love)Where is the love (The love) Where is the love (The love)Where is the love (The love) Where is the love (The love)Where is the love (The love) Where is the love (The love)
“Where Is The Love?” Blackeyed Peas
What's wrong with the world, mamaPeople livin' like they ain't got no mamasI think the whole world addicted to the dramaOnly attracted to things that'll bring you traumaOverseas, yeah, we try to stop terrorismBut we still got terrorists here livin'In the USA, the big CIAThe Bloods and The Crips and the KKKBut if you only have love for your own raceThen you only leave space to discriminateAnd to discriminate only generates hateAnd when you hate then you're bound to get irate, yeahMadness is what you demonstrateAnd that's exactly how anger works and operatesMan, you gotta have love just to set it straightTake control of your mind and meditateLet your soul gravitate to the love, y'all, y'allPeople killin', people dyin'Children hurt and you hear them cryin'Can you practice what you preachAnd would you turn the other cheekFather, Father, Father help usSend some guidance from above'Cause people got me, got me questionin'Where is the love (Love)Where is the love (The love) Where is the love (The love)Where is the love The love, the loveIt just ain't the same, always unchangedNew days are strange, is the world insaneIf love and peace is so strongWhy are there pieces of love that don't belongNations droppin' bombsChemical gasses fillin' lungs of little onesWith ongoin' sufferin' as the youth die youngSo ask yourself is the lovin' really goneSo I could ask myself really what is goin' wrongIn this world that we livin' in people keep on givin inMakin' wrong decisions, only visions of them dividendsNot respectin' each other, deny thy brotherA war is goin' on but the reason's undercoverThe truth is kept secret, it's swept under the rugIf you never know truth then you never know loveWhere's the love, y'all, come on (I don't know)Where's the truth, y'all, come on (I don't know)Where's the love, y'all
People killin', people dyin'Children hurt and you hear them cryin'Can you practice what you preachAnd would you turn the other cheekFather, Father, Father help usSend some guidance from above'Cause people got me, got me questionin'Where is the love (Love)Where is the love (The love) Where is the love (The love)Where is the love The love, the loveI feel the weight of the world on my shoulderAs I'm gettin' older, y'all, people gets colderMost of us only care about money makin'Selfishness got us followin' our wrong directionWrong information always shown by the mediaNegative images is the main criteriaInfecting the young minds faster than bacteriaKids wanna act like what they see in the cinemaYo', whatever happened to the values of humanityWhatever happened to the fairness in equalityInstead of spreading love were spreading animosityLack of understanding, leading lives away from unityThat's the reason why sometimes I'm feelin' underThat's the reason why sometimes I'm feelin' downThere's no wonder why sometimes I'm feelin' underGotta keep my faith alive till love is foundNow ask yourselfWhere is the love? Where is the love?Where is the love? Where is the love?People killin', people dyin'Children hurt and you hear them cryin'Can you practice what you preachAnd would you turn the other cheekFather, Father, Father help usSend some guidance from above'Cause people got me, got me questionin'Where is the love (Love)Where is the love (The love) Where is the love (The love)Where is the love (The love) Where is the love (The love)Where is the love (The love) Where is the love (The love)
Friday, August 06, 2004
6 August 2004 8:17 PM
a moment before work once again, and rather tired with little sleep, and a little stuff to do, but this is the calm before the storm, and one should always be one with time, and take heed of the current moment, and just be, though not easy, but very beneficial, it seems that everything is bipolar, and of course cant exist otherwise, but if we were able to melt the east and west, north and south, then there would be one under heaven, a perfect ying yang, which would propel the this race a thousand times faster into the future, and would even allow the feeble use of our minds to become a lot more efficient and all encompassing, I’ve also realised two of the worst ever moments in an individuals life, one involves the first realization of one mortality, and the other involves the idea that one is not loved, the most amazing moment in ones life is the realization that one is loved, and to truly believe it, which isn’t just about the environment one is in, but wether one believes it is up to the individual, and one can only see the truth with thine third eye, in which meditation is the only way to uncover, and to also control and train the mind, so that we are not at its manipulation, as many people act first without analysis, the best one individual can do is to realize when and why an emotion has arisen, and catch it before we act so hastily, and the best way to minimize hatred, and racism, is get people of different cultures to mingle as much as possible, there they then see they are no different, and are after the same thing as they are, I also find my self enjoying more and more of everything, my tolerance is higher, my appreciation is higher, my mind is more open, this may be due to meditation, but unfortunately most of the aging population are travelling in the opposite direction, and are enjoying less and less, and still stick to the same music or movies that they grew up with which is such a real shame because there is so much art out there they miss, and who is anyone to judge, especially art, which is so subject, and meant to produce a reaction, the problem is most people don’t question it and just shut it out, how hard is it to ask one self why don’t I like, and the same works for the opposite, what is it about the art that I do like, why do I like it, I think, well for me art is about an expression of an emotion or emotions which an individual is trying to express the best, and often the only way they can, so how can people judge what they are feeling, and how the feel to express it, unless your just judging the art on practical, and technical areas but who does that any way, most people wouldn’t even know how to write a song, or paint a picture, which damn bloody hard, which is maybe also why i’m more appreciative of art in general because I am an artist and know how hard it is to find what it is exactly your trying to express, all forms have its place upon society, and certainly need to classified to protect those of an innocent age, but art needs to be pushing the boundaries, it there is also a need for the elite artists such tenors which are just gifted, is it really a talent when your born with it, isn’t a talent something you work at and perfect, if your born with it, its just to easy, I dunno maybe that’s just me, but how can you claim it, particularly when it comes to singers, its not as thou they had to do anything to gain such a voice, not like painters, musicians, or sculptors, to write a symphony like Beethoven, to create I think is the ultimate talent, that’s what it is in a nutshell I guess, such as painters who take a blank canvas, or sculptors who take a lump of rock, and turn it into art, these along with those who save lives and decreases the suffering of others should be heralded as the elite of society and should be famous, not actors what do they do for anyone, make a movie with money, I can do it in my backyard, but I could never save a dying being, I hope thou one day that thru other means that I can alleviate some suffering, of the mind, which I think is just as important, for I’ve had my battle in my time, and the worst of them where in my own damn head, there is nothing anyone has done in this world to harm as much as I have harmed myself, and what’s worse is the effect it has upon the people in my environment, I once thought I could get around without affecting anyone, and just glide over this world like a butterfly and no one would notice, but for better or worse, no one can, we are all in this together, and should support each other together, its so simple in theory, but if people didn’t have an ego, and weren’t so judgemental, it would be soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo much easier to get along, if people just said what they felt, with no attachments, and people where able to take without judgment, if someone’s not smart then they can read more, or if I can do maths like my dad, it doesn’t mean you’re a bad person, it a bloody fact people don’t so egotistical and think that there putting you down, its not the end of the world if you a little overweight, not as smart as someone else, it just is, people are so hung up on being judge, who cares your not better or worse and where not the same, it would like a big tree putting shit on smaller tree, who the hell cares, just love one another, if every one had compassion and love for all beings, we would need bombs and guns, or police or even governments in there current form, just organisers, or leaders, and how can a country of 20million be run by just one, this is not logical, it would be good if we all had the same laws, and currency, there is so much segregation based upon whose on a piece of paper and what number it has on it, and what piece of dirt you were born, and what piece of dirt your enemy is born, your made from the same piece of clay as they say, if there was one all omnipresent being who created all these beings, do you really think that he would really want anything to die, or be killed, no way, for to create such life involves love and compassion, not a bloody jihad, or anything, even thou many wars and millions of people have died for their religion, not there god as they would want you to believe, a being that created the whole universe would love all under heaven as equal, irrelevant of the pigment of your skin, what a hoax.
There’s a beauty that resonates thru everything that is beyond the power of the pen, this is beauty, the same as truth, anything in its purest form cannot be expressed in any language, whether great feats of human endurance, or acts of terror,
“I don’t fear none of my enemies, and I don’t fear bullets from uzies, I’ve been dealing with something that’s worse than these, that make you fall to your knees, and that’s my anxiety’s, sane and the insane rivalry, paranoia has bout me to my knees, lord please please please take away my anxiety”
Black Eyed Peas
Made of dust and grim,
The red rust won’t cost you a dime,
Fall upon the ground from the sky,
With a son would you still lie?
What would you do if you knew the truth?
How could you take what you do?
You’re so concerned with yourself,
These blows only affect our wealth,
If you only could love a little more,
Through the light through the door,
Red is all you see,
Hate is all you will be,
To be free is the only way to live,
A tree can only grow from what you give,
So how do you expect to be right?
When you only have revenge in sight.
It can make you do some strange things,
Good and bad no one knows what it brings,
Nothing better than just lying by one side,
Naked in the mind nothing to hide,
There is nothing but to be,
If not blinded its easy to see,
What’s there what’s real?
Many get lost and unsure how they feel,
Afraid to be honest afraid to say,
Calm is best, calm wont betray,
It will never be until it’s lost,
Down upon a drain in the frost,
Arriving from the cold cold night,
And all you want to do is hold hold all night,
The answer is there shining in our face,
But too afraid to let go and feel the empty space,
Must melt away the ego and feel the truth
Hard in age remember your youth,
There’s a beauty that resonates thru everything that is beyond the power of the pen, this is beauty, the same as truth, anything in its purest form cannot be expressed in any language, whether great feats of human endurance, or acts of terror,
“I don’t fear none of my enemies, and I don’t fear bullets from uzies, I’ve been dealing with something that’s worse than these, that make you fall to your knees, and that’s my anxiety’s, sane and the insane rivalry, paranoia has bout me to my knees, lord please please please take away my anxiety”
Black Eyed Peas
Made of dust and grim,
The red rust won’t cost you a dime,
Fall upon the ground from the sky,
With a son would you still lie?
What would you do if you knew the truth?
How could you take what you do?
You’re so concerned with yourself,
These blows only affect our wealth,
If you only could love a little more,
Through the light through the door,
Red is all you see,
Hate is all you will be,
To be free is the only way to live,
A tree can only grow from what you give,
So how do you expect to be right?
When you only have revenge in sight.
It can make you do some strange things,
Good and bad no one knows what it brings,
Nothing better than just lying by one side,
Naked in the mind nothing to hide,
There is nothing but to be,
If not blinded its easy to see,
What’s there what’s real?
Many get lost and unsure how they feel,
Afraid to be honest afraid to say,
Calm is best, calm wont betray,
It will never be until it’s lost,
Down upon a drain in the frost,
Arriving from the cold cold night,
And all you want to do is hold hold all night,
The answer is there shining in our face,
But too afraid to let go and feel the empty space,
Must melt away the ego and feel the truth
Hard in age remember your youth,
Sunday, August 01, 2004
1 August 2004 9:46 AM
AM only three months to go and just thinking about it sends shivers through my body, so exciting, i’m ready to go now, but I want to wait a little more just to build it a bit, and I don’t even care about uni any more, all I really care about doing is being in a position to help those who need it, those who don’t have the money to afford what ever it is I can provide, wether it be in photography or psychology, i’m not interesting any more in gaining money, or my own house, or even a relationship, all those things have become secondary, as I know there all nice things of course, but they don’t bring lasting fulfilment or happiness, this has to come from within, with a certain contentment with where one is at the moment, and not looking beyond what one has, or may want next, anything can be updated, exchanged, or replaced, but it if it accomplished your basic needs what difference does it matter how big your TV is or how many rooms in your house
In the end, I will send,
All my love to all, like a soft snow fall,
So gentle and calm, to land upon your arm,
While at first you won’t even notice,
To blossom in you like a lotus,
The beauty which will take a second to feel,
But all you will want to do is give and never steal,
Like the sun fills every corner with heat,
You will drop to your seat,
And remember the sweet,
Nothing could delete,
The feeling from within,
As your mouth will grin,
Without any effort at all,
Able to fill a large hall,
Or even more, forget the race bore,
We all need to take a little more within,
Just to sit and do nothing is not a sin,
Listen to your heart,
Your mind isn’t smart,
Love will conquer all hate,
It’s not worth the state,
Your children will take,
Have a look at what is really at stake,
Don’t be blinded by what you main gain today,
Let your children have a say,
We only have one world to love,
We can fit nicely within one glove,
What will come, and what is real,
Need not worry just notice how you feel,
Allow your understanding to grow,
another day gone in 2004, another 24 hours closer to 2005, I can feel still feel so low, and high sometimes that i’m about to cry in both instances, my fear seems to be delude a little, but maybe i’m just more deluded, a certain kind of brainwashing, upon myself, by myself very genius if you ask me, but I find evidence in each second I breath, in out, in out, very soothing to just watch the breath, and yet so basic, its amazing how simplicity seems to work, maybe just the old theory of chaos and order, but not the other way in this instance, for simplicity never needs complexity to solve, but more simplicity, who knows, but when it comes to cooking its always better to put less in of something then over doing it, you can always add a little latter, but you can never reverse the situation, I am becoming more peaceful, and a guy said in a shop the other day that I looked centred, what does this mean, how does one look, or appear centred, is this reflected in the face, or maybe the eyes, which I find the most fascinating, but have the most trouble looking at in person, but a photo I could look at all day, but its never the same, photos and painting don’t even come close to being there, the same goes for movies, you don’t have the smells or natural sounds of life, recorded sound is so fake, all sound is are waves of vibration, how can vibrations cause such discomfort in people not including ones of extreme volume thou of course, and people keep trying to give me stuff I don’t need, granted I took them in the past but now they seem so empty, and unfulfilling, the more you feed craving the stronger they get, and the more they take a hold of your weak and stupid mind, it would have been so much easier and painless if someone sat you down at about 5 or 6 and said this is how it is, maybe not as fulfilling, maybe because we need to know the why of everything, even when someone tells you not to do something you want to do it just to know why not to do it, may be if everyone was more concerned with what we can do and not with what we cant do then it wouldn’t be an issue, I think some things work backwards round this planet, or maybe i’m backwards, my ideas often conflict with this society, which has an unbelievable amount of misplaced power, it also helps you to find the boundaries quicker when you do wrong
In the end, I will send,
All my love to all, like a soft snow fall,
So gentle and calm, to land upon your arm,
While at first you won’t even notice,
To blossom in you like a lotus,
The beauty which will take a second to feel,
But all you will want to do is give and never steal,
Like the sun fills every corner with heat,
You will drop to your seat,
And remember the sweet,
Nothing could delete,
The feeling from within,
As your mouth will grin,
Without any effort at all,
Able to fill a large hall,
Or even more, forget the race bore,
We all need to take a little more within,
Just to sit and do nothing is not a sin,
Listen to your heart,
Your mind isn’t smart,
Love will conquer all hate,
It’s not worth the state,
Your children will take,
Have a look at what is really at stake,
Don’t be blinded by what you main gain today,
Let your children have a say,
We only have one world to love,
We can fit nicely within one glove,
What will come, and what is real,
Need not worry just notice how you feel,
Allow your understanding to grow,
another day gone in 2004, another 24 hours closer to 2005, I can feel still feel so low, and high sometimes that i’m about to cry in both instances, my fear seems to be delude a little, but maybe i’m just more deluded, a certain kind of brainwashing, upon myself, by myself very genius if you ask me, but I find evidence in each second I breath, in out, in out, very soothing to just watch the breath, and yet so basic, its amazing how simplicity seems to work, maybe just the old theory of chaos and order, but not the other way in this instance, for simplicity never needs complexity to solve, but more simplicity, who knows, but when it comes to cooking its always better to put less in of something then over doing it, you can always add a little latter, but you can never reverse the situation, I am becoming more peaceful, and a guy said in a shop the other day that I looked centred, what does this mean, how does one look, or appear centred, is this reflected in the face, or maybe the eyes, which I find the most fascinating, but have the most trouble looking at in person, but a photo I could look at all day, but its never the same, photos and painting don’t even come close to being there, the same goes for movies, you don’t have the smells or natural sounds of life, recorded sound is so fake, all sound is are waves of vibration, how can vibrations cause such discomfort in people not including ones of extreme volume thou of course, and people keep trying to give me stuff I don’t need, granted I took them in the past but now they seem so empty, and unfulfilling, the more you feed craving the stronger they get, and the more they take a hold of your weak and stupid mind, it would have been so much easier and painless if someone sat you down at about 5 or 6 and said this is how it is, maybe not as fulfilling, maybe because we need to know the why of everything, even when someone tells you not to do something you want to do it just to know why not to do it, may be if everyone was more concerned with what we can do and not with what we cant do then it wouldn’t be an issue, I think some things work backwards round this planet, or maybe i’m backwards, my ideas often conflict with this society, which has an unbelievable amount of misplaced power, it also helps you to find the boundaries quicker when you do wrong
Saturday, July 31, 2004
31 July 2004 9:44 AM
its so easy to find a solution for all of the worlds problems, and comes down to love and compassion, every single person of sound must be able to see the simplicity of this solution, if everyone thought of how there action would effect others first then there would be no need for police or guns, if every one wasn’t so egotistical, and just fucken stupid, fighting over what land, money, or just plain bloody pride, we should all be focusing upon making the world a better place, and begin to think about, if I where to die tomorrow, what is the mos important thing, or things to me, and what would I do, I can definitely tell you it would have nothing to do with harming a single person, because all that counts is a sound mind which arises from knowing your family and friends will be alright, I hope one day that this will become common knowledge, because if people realised that you cant own land, and you cant take money with you when you die, so why bother, people should focus upon what they do take which is there mind, and destroy money, which only has value, for as along as people value it, otherwise its just a piece of paper or plastic, which comes from the ground, just the same as my body and the stars in the sky, which has been on a course for thousands of years, all we have to do is love one another, and forgive, because there is only prolonged suffering by hanging to what people have done, just turn the other cheek, the answer is already here, it so obvious but people seem more involved with themselves, and new cloths and a TV or stereo, what for, I have noticed that over the last few weeks, as soon as people see something on TV or in a magazine they think straight away “I want that”, then they get it and then see a new one and what that, people for heavens sake wake up and see what’s so going, if this is a regular pattern, then you must see its not fulfilling what ever that hole is in you, let go of what is new, and be content with what you have, I’ve also been trying to talk people out of this behaviour ever so slightly, it could even been seen as manipulation, but its for there own good, it has also made me see how easily it is to talk people out of, and into something, as there lead along by a leash, but I will continue to try and people see the truth of this, and its not bound by religion but just sheer logic, if something is not making you happy then the next model isn’t going to accomplish this either. Maybe it comes down to honesty, and silence, the older I get the more I appreciate silence, not to say that I still don’t enjoy noise either, but my appreciation has grown, and i’m more able to see the beauty in silence and nature, i’m no different to this computer or tree outside my window, “Where is the love, where is the truth”, maybe people don’t want to see the truth, or maybe its just true for me, maybe this is just for me or a small few, but please people cant you see that the more you give the more happiness you create, and the less suffering there is in the world, and isn’t this what we should be doing, trying to ease the pain of those in pain, as Buddha said, when one has been hungry, in pain, or poor, how can one just walk past without a thought of compassion, and an offer to relieve even for a small time the suffering, we shouldn’t be fighting or hating, its only bringing down our “civilisation”, assuming that we are civilised, rats treat there own better than what we do, we are all after the one thing, which is happiness, from the smallest to the largest being, from the most visible to invisible, why do people discriminate, just cause your born upon some piece of land, doesn’t mean you belong to just that piece, how foolish can some ideals be, if there was one colour and language, would that make it better us, maybe this would unite us, and may even be one day, as some races genes are more
dominant than others, which will mean as the more and more globalisation takes hold and we blend more and more we will become one, this may help but then our medicine will have to greatly improve, as one race can easily be wiped out by a simple cell, we’ve only got one world, so please people look after it, we are borrowing this from our children’s children, if people took more responsibility, and a little extra thought about the suffering it may cause, it could change the world, and one person cant change the whole world, but they can make a hell of a difference and an impact upon our feeble minds, which could do so much good, if we didn’t focus so much upon greed, hate, revenge, and just harming ourselves
dominant than others, which will mean as the more and more globalisation takes hold and we blend more and more we will become one, this may help but then our medicine will have to greatly improve, as one race can easily be wiped out by a simple cell, we’ve only got one world, so please people look after it, we are borrowing this from our children’s children, if people took more responsibility, and a little extra thought about the suffering it may cause, it could change the world, and one person cant change the whole world, but they can make a hell of a difference and an impact upon our feeble minds, which could do so much good, if we didn’t focus so much upon greed, hate, revenge, and just harming ourselves
Thursday, July 29, 2004
29 July 2004 7:27 AM
it can become quite daunting when you begin to question everything that is around you and yourself as well. Especially when one does not know what is really real, and what is the difference between perception and fact
Saturday, July 24, 2004
24 July 2004 5:18 AM
What’s the point of fighting for land you can’t own,
What’s the point of fighting for gold you can’t keep,
Why do you continue to hurt those at home?
Why can’t you see the pain and tears that they weep?
For what, for what……………………….what’s it all for
we are all just beings after the same thing, why do you think that if you control that bit of land that it will bring you lasting happiness, or you will be happy with more happy, it means more to love and forgive than to kill and harm, if everybody loved and gave all they had there would be no need for greed or stealing or deception for everything one wanted was available, and do you think dying for it means that you win, there is nothing to win or loose, no one owns anything in this world its just on loan, it can all be taken from you in a second, all that matters is love and karma, these are what carry with you always, so don’t be a slave to your weak mind which just deludes and confuses you into likening and distracting you from the truth and false happiness
What’s the point of fighting for gold you can’t keep,
Why do you continue to hurt those at home?
Why can’t you see the pain and tears that they weep?
For what, for what……………………….what’s it all for
we are all just beings after the same thing, why do you think that if you control that bit of land that it will bring you lasting happiness, or you will be happy with more happy, it means more to love and forgive than to kill and harm, if everybody loved and gave all they had there would be no need for greed or stealing or deception for everything one wanted was available, and do you think dying for it means that you win, there is nothing to win or loose, no one owns anything in this world its just on loan, it can all be taken from you in a second, all that matters is love and karma, these are what carry with you always, so don’t be a slave to your weak mind which just deludes and confuses you into likening and distracting you from the truth and false happiness
Thursday, July 08, 2004
8 July 2004 6:25 AM
The world in my hand,
A heart of sand,
The sea in my veins,
A tear in the rain,
The space in my lungs,
A heart of sand,
The sea in my veins,
A tear in the rain,
The space in my lungs,
Sunday, June 27, 2004
27 June 2004 4:43 PM
it is so wonderful to be able to just sit and ponder, with wise reflection the veil of all reality slowly, very very slowly becomes clear, the ability to see everything the way it is, is truly amazing, there is nothing in this world in which I need, nothing nada, nil, zero, its only my body which craves such defilements, such illnesses apart from food, cloths and shelter, I realise now that my nose not knows what is pleasant or not, my ear knows not what is pleasant or not, my tongue knows what is pleasant or not, my mind is the one who has bought me to this hell, the one who desires and longs to pull me down with it, but I say no, not now, and not ever will I let myself become a slave to my mind, I enjoy the battles with my mind, like the day verses the night, cold verses hot, all is starting to unravel, there is nothing one can take into the next life but desire and karma, so why not focus upon these while one is alive, what a waste to spend ones life doing activities which not only reverse this idea, but also mask, and produce denial, and fear of the real universe, not just this planet of causes and conditions but of the whole universe made up of causes and conditions. Such an amazing feeling to live so simply, such freedom, to not have to work or study, everything one needs, one already has, within oneself is the universe, so many things has man made to distract himself from what the truth is, but then when one nears death he is shocked to see the world as it is,
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