MY PATH

its so weird thinking back and about the all the stuff that’s happened, but now I fee so goal orientated, so much since I first wanted to go to Thailand, and now I just want to work even harder and make more money so I can set my self up for the rest of my life, which would be so cool, and then I can take it easy, and wont have to worry to much about anything, so if I can get a job and open up a small shop or something and get a couple of businesses going that would be sweet, so then the whole family can work easier and every one will be happy, i’m very excited to start another chapter in my life post-Thailand, this is just the building stage where I can begin to make the foundations and if I can last the next 2 years everything would be so sweet, I can build my own house run a few businesses and work as well, so then I wont have to worry to much about money, but one step at a time, I’ve just got to stay focused and everything will turn out just great, i’m looking forward to the new challenge, and making enough money now by Christmas to be set up and then one more year just for insurance and just stick it in the bank, and everything will be sweet for all parties, so i’m fairly happy to be given the opportunity to do this I know I will succeed, will be so good, just to learn and meet heaps of people I wont have to work hard and I can just take it easy and its only 2 years but its also weird thinking about then next couple years and how they will plan out, I just I can complete my journey so that all will prosper

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FOR BEYOND

home, Melbourne, cold, very very cold, I now have a goal, something finally to achieve, that is far greater than, and with a lot of help from the Lord Buddha, I will no doubt achieve my end point and be able to provide for all concerned, and beyond, and I make this promise to the Holy Spirit, of all the universe that I will conquer this hill, no matter how high and mighty my will never lack or dimmer all problems will be solved quickly and each step is another closer to home, this will be done by the whole universe coming together and I will not stop.

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THE DIFFERENCE

home, warm, having goals is a big difference, to have something to achieve, is a big difference, otherwise it can be hard, to figure out what’s the point of it all if there’s nothing you want or if you have no dreams what’s the point, now I hope that I can make it so by the time i’m 50 I can relax and take it easy I’ve also realised what’s the point also in not working in just staying home all day if I wanted to do that I then would just become a monk but I know to do is to be, and to be is to do, and life isn’t about working your life but making fun to enjoy everything one does its all just a state of mind and mines changed a lot, GODDBYE TIL NEXT YEAR.

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FINALLY I KNOW

home, it’s a relief to finally have goals, and that I don’t need to wait 25 years for em, but now I will be able to develop and build a life for myself, within five years, and know with luck, that I will be set for a fair while, which will be a relief, thou most things aren’t final yet of course but at least now I know what direction i’m going in, and what I need to do, one step at a time, but I can only rely upon myself to get what I want, but I know if it doesn’t work, my chance of happiness is gone, NONSELF SUFFERING IMPERMANECE, I will win with the holy spirit one day but not until I help those that I have given to, to save from

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JUST A MATTER OF TIME

going home in a week, it was always bound to end some day, but for the first time in my life I’ve actually got goals, and ones I know is just a matter of time, and I know what it is I have to do to make it all happen, with a little more info I’ll be set, and wont have to worry, it wont matter, easy/ hard, I will just do, and not to be lazy, but remember what for, at least I will be a lot more prepared next time, and more wiser I hope, but then I will also be bale to prepare for my new life, to follow and be reborn again, like Saladin and Gibreel hopefully thou not the same way, but who knows what’s going to happen next, just wish to gain some cash and do it all again.

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WHAT AM I DOING

, home, how can I plan anything when I don’t know what will happen tomorrow.

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MY DREAM

shop, i’m finally resigned to going home in 3 months, but its all been good, and now I HAVE A DREAM, which if reached, will set me up for a long time, but now I can focus upon a goal, nothing will be wasted, and if I can work, even more, and get some cash quick, I’ll be back in no time, able to retire and take care of everything.

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BODY ART

27 hours work, what have I done and what will I do, nothing can be taken for granted and I can rely only on others for what can I do for myself here very little do I still follow what I did before there is little I need and even less that I want its becoming easier to give in, but not given up, I have no idea where i’m heading, or even what will happen tomorrow, there’s still too much pain, I need to let of and fear, and release all that makes one angry, Restraint, Forgiveness, solving the root problem.

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FROM HOME TO HOME

22 hours work, home, maybe its time I went home, and work for a while, I’ve finally got some goals now, just work and save for a couple of years, then I can come and live, and own a house and a bar, and a shop and I’ll have 3 incomes, hopefully which would be good, which means hopefully I’ll set for a while, and I wont have to worry about money again, but for how long I can go, do I try and do it quick, or do I just wait a little longer, just as long as I keep it fun and keep my mind, what i’m after then it wont be a problem it will soon be over everything passes and I don’t need to spend much by keeping my expenses down I’ll be able to do more hopefully quicker but will see how we go who knows what will happen.

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WHAT TO DO

home, 18.5 hours work. Warm/ wet, I just don’t know what to do with my life, no money and no idea, what to do next, or even more, what’s going to happen next, but I know what’s more important than anything, and such an important time, I must keep a clear mind, what to do what to do, maybe I can just wait and see I need to keep a level head and just relax and see how things go.

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SABIE SABIE

home , sabie sabie, never has everything been so clear, all of my troubles belong to my mind, and exist only in my mind, all of my anger only exists because I let it, but why has it taken me 25 years, to see it, and all of my pain I have caused is because of fear and yet what am I afraid of, I still don’t know because my mind is so small but my consciousness can fill the universe I realise I have nothing to give, but love because all else is empty but to give this needs truth otherwise you cant make love, but it makes you, all other emotions exist inn the mind only, and that’s where they belong because, the only emotion that the mind needs to exist true love has no place but all other emotions arise in the mind, Jesus said love thy neighbour and love thy enemy for the first time I really miss my parents, I miss that unconditional love, cause its fucken hard to find, so many people here are just after money, but I can understand why they long for all the shit i’m willing to give up, but not all of it, what the hell is there to be afraid of, the best thing that has happened is that my different fears have diminished because really what the fuck do you have to fear when you break away from the ego, you realise just how fucken shit and how much you have people close to you, for nothing but fear but you learn what have you got fear for, other than the burning flame, or boiling there is nothing but shit, there’s only one person that controls your emotions and it’s the unconsciousness, mind.

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CAUSE AND EFFECT

(Bangkok), hotel Nobel, warm, I see how each encounter and action allows me to see more and more without this time here who knows how long the suffering would continue I understand now that its just as much my fault as hers if not more, how important it is to care and give more instead of being so selfish and thinking of myself, I need to care and do it now before its to late, and it destroys itself, I need to give more, and make space, for emptiness for the pain to enter before we can be free, we have so much work to do, and nothing is being done, make the one your with the most important person and care with care love and compassion will follow and fill those you are with, be the light yourself, don’t wait for others to follow but just be and accept understanding will follow empathy/ understanding watching the mind, knowing knowing, knowing, impermanence, nonself, suffering, awareness, happiness from within oneself be the Buddha, by changing your own being by practising these qualities people will follow and change with you or they will run and hide.

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PENANG

(Bangkok), Penang, rainforest restaurant, wet/warm, stuck again in a place I don’t really want to be, wet and warm, watching fish swim by me as drops fall upon my head, wondering what i’m doing here, where am I going, think I’ve resigned to the fact that I don’t really care anymore, just as long as i’m happy having fun, and know one is getting hurt, it’s the same crazy shit I’ve done and gone thru and don’t suspect it to change, for as long as I don’t change my scene, but its fun, well most of the time anyway, but its all suffering no matter what we choose to, do or not do, its all just a matter of mind, no matter where you are or what you do so what, difference does it make or what you do, as long as you’re not causing any suffering, or harm in any way, and help those you can, this is what matters, unconditional love for all beings, with an understanding of what is and why, and an understanding of silence, this is the first step the rest will follow. I should be more grateful for the times of peace I do have, and use them a little more wisely, i’m also staring to see more how the mind doesn’t enjoy the present and hopefully only one more whole day with two sleeps to go then I can go home again.

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WAITING WAITING WAITING

(Malaysia, this is just because its Friday 13, but its amazing how they can build a massive shopping centre similar to chaddy but be surrounded by such poverty, its really quite amazing, to see how big the difference can be and who are the ones really shopping here there and must be a lot of Chinese here but its also funny to see how little there is to do here. Its funny how many nights I have had here on my own in the last 6 months just in a hotel room on my own with nothing to do but wait.

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THE DOOR IS OPEN

Malaysia, Penang, hotel Nobel, warm, you would not believe the shit I’ve gone thru over the last 6 months, its been incredible, and I still don’t believe half the shit that has happened, from one day to the next you never know what’s going to happen, sometimes I still have to remind myself where I am, and what kind of shit that has happened, and the people I’ve met, and what I’ve seen its been crazy. I still see I have a lot of work to do, on the inside especially positive forgiveness and to be more understanding, think for a minute about why and what and how. I’m still quite surprised by the difference between countries right next door to Thailand seems to have so much more there seems to be so little maybe communism/ Muslims should get together a little more often both seem similar or maybe its just because of its popularity which is also obviously influenced by its government/ religion seeing as Thais seem to do what ever they want.

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WHY OH WHY

14.5 hours work.

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ENJOY THE PAIN

11.5 hours done with a lot of pain, and suffering but its been fun, watching and learning with a lot done, quickly much quicker than before, I can feel my leg and body are lot more tired, but last night was fun, going Bangla, Tai Pan, again so many ladies its unbelievable and yet there where so many before i’m glad I was able to see it most of it all before.

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PAIN WHAT PAIN

8 hours of work already and so much pain.

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WHAT HAVE I DONE

, shop, I’ve definitely got myself into some crazy shit who would have thought shit would end up like this crazy and could never even dream up shit like this ever what the hell am I doing with my life what are you supposed to do with it that also freaks me out people keep saying what are you doing with your life are you happy now, are you happy with this, as thou there’s something more, what else could you want I don’t need much and I’ve been given everything I’ve needed how could I not be happy only a person trying to feed upon an endless ego would want more and I don’t need that then I would never be happy and so much shit has gone down I would never have believed you if you told me before but ay fuck it, Sabie Sabie, take it as it comes and don’t be so attached only In fucken Thailand would ya get so much crazy shit going and if only you would never fully understand what kind of shit goes down and for why but so many people talk shit I don’t know why its not the same as home where you do what you can for your friend and not what you can get out of your friend, sometimes I still cant believe what’s gone down life is so good most of the time apart from the few times here and there where I’ve been drunk and lost the plot ending up with nothing from nothing but these ARE GOOD TIMES WHERE EVERYTHING IS NOW COMING BACK, AND I HAVE TO DO VERY LITTLE, BUT SOON I WILL NEED TO MAKE AND GIVE, back again but for now i’m just a real bum, though its such a weird lifestyle, at the moment these are definably the good times, and let them roll on, hopefully this will last for a while, after doing my first tattoo, going to hospital, so many ladies, I cant remember so much alcohol, I cant remember so much weed, is hasn’t all been fun, but its all ended \well, which I guess is good, it will be good to do my own work thou, but I will have to wait a while.

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SLOW DOWN

another drunken night gone but it doesn’t seem so fast anymore but just as crazy and even had a spew at the bar which was a little weird seeing as I wasn’t that drunk but I don’t know what happened and i’m also beginning to know to many people on Bangla, even just walking around isn’t easy anymore and there all nearly girls I need very little and want even less and a lot more suffering it seems as the fun gets more so does the pain so what do you do and I cant help but think where will my life lead me i’m learning a lot a real lot but there are too many ladies here.

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