BODY ART

27 hours work, what have I done and what will I do, nothing can be taken for granted and I can rely only on others for what can I do for myself here very little do I still follow what I did before there is little I need and even less that I want its becoming easier to give in, but not given up, I have no idea where i’m heading, or even what will happen tomorrow, there’s still too much pain, I need to let of and fear, and release all that makes one angry, Restraint, Forgiveness, solving the root problem.

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FROM HOME TO HOME

22 hours work, home, maybe its time I went home, and work for a while, I’ve finally got some goals now, just work and save for a couple of years, then I can come and live, and own a house and a bar, and a shop and I’ll have 3 incomes, hopefully which would be good, which means hopefully I’ll set for a while, and I wont have to worry about money again, but for how long I can go, do I try and do it quick, or do I just wait a little longer, just as long as I keep it fun and keep my mind, what i’m after then it wont be a problem it will soon be over everything passes and I don’t need to spend much by keeping my expenses down I’ll be able to do more hopefully quicker but will see how we go who knows what will happen.

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WHAT TO DO

home, 18.5 hours work. Warm/ wet, I just don’t know what to do with my life, no money and no idea, what to do next, or even more, what’s going to happen next, but I know what’s more important than anything, and such an important time, I must keep a clear mind, what to do what to do, maybe I can just wait and see I need to keep a level head and just relax and see how things go.

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SABIE SABIE

home , sabie sabie, never has everything been so clear, all of my troubles belong to my mind, and exist only in my mind, all of my anger only exists because I let it, but why has it taken me 25 years, to see it, and all of my pain I have caused is because of fear and yet what am I afraid of, I still don’t know because my mind is so small but my consciousness can fill the universe I realise I have nothing to give, but love because all else is empty but to give this needs truth otherwise you cant make love, but it makes you, all other emotions exist inn the mind only, and that’s where they belong because, the only emotion that the mind needs to exist true love has no place but all other emotions arise in the mind, Jesus said love thy neighbour and love thy enemy for the first time I really miss my parents, I miss that unconditional love, cause its fucken hard to find, so many people here are just after money, but I can understand why they long for all the shit i’m willing to give up, but not all of it, what the hell is there to be afraid of, the best thing that has happened is that my different fears have diminished because really what the fuck do you have to fear when you break away from the ego, you realise just how fucken shit and how much you have people close to you, for nothing but fear but you learn what have you got fear for, other than the burning flame, or boiling there is nothing but shit, there’s only one person that controls your emotions and it’s the unconsciousness, mind.

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CAUSE AND EFFECT

(Bangkok), hotel Nobel, warm, I see how each encounter and action allows me to see more and more without this time here who knows how long the suffering would continue I understand now that its just as much my fault as hers if not more, how important it is to care and give more instead of being so selfish and thinking of myself, I need to care and do it now before its to late, and it destroys itself, I need to give more, and make space, for emptiness for the pain to enter before we can be free, we have so much work to do, and nothing is being done, make the one your with the most important person and care with care love and compassion will follow and fill those you are with, be the light yourself, don’t wait for others to follow but just be and accept understanding will follow empathy/ understanding watching the mind, knowing knowing, knowing, impermanence, nonself, suffering, awareness, happiness from within oneself be the Buddha, by changing your own being by practising these qualities people will follow and change with you or they will run and hide.

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PENANG

(Bangkok), Penang, rainforest restaurant, wet/warm, stuck again in a place I don’t really want to be, wet and warm, watching fish swim by me as drops fall upon my head, wondering what i’m doing here, where am I going, think I’ve resigned to the fact that I don’t really care anymore, just as long as i’m happy having fun, and know one is getting hurt, it’s the same crazy shit I’ve done and gone thru and don’t suspect it to change, for as long as I don’t change my scene, but its fun, well most of the time anyway, but its all suffering no matter what we choose to, do or not do, its all just a matter of mind, no matter where you are or what you do so what, difference does it make or what you do, as long as you’re not causing any suffering, or harm in any way, and help those you can, this is what matters, unconditional love for all beings, with an understanding of what is and why, and an understanding of silence, this is the first step the rest will follow. I should be more grateful for the times of peace I do have, and use them a little more wisely, i’m also staring to see more how the mind doesn’t enjoy the present and hopefully only one more whole day with two sleeps to go then I can go home again.

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