well a lots certainly gone down since the last two years when I started this shit, and it feels like a lot has changes, and a lot has been resolved, and questions answered, but there are still a lot worse on the inside, which for some reason maybe I don’t wish to deal with, for what reason I don’t know at the moment, but I hope its just a little extra ingredients to bring me closer to that beautiful cake, which who knows how it will turn out, and who knows what will happen next, at least in the short term I can answer that here, and I hope it will become more and more like that, who will know what will happen and how things will turn out, I hope that it is for the better, and it all really is in your head, I still think what is the point, maybe I will always, and then I remember my promise, and my faith, and of course the point is life, that is all there is, I just I hope I can turn it around to be a positive which it isn’t at the moment, well not to much any way, but that will change as soon as I can start making some money and I hope that this time will pass, and be a gateway to benefit many many more people than just myself,, I just wish I could leave now,, but then that wont help anyone, just as long as I can save heaps and heaps of money, and all I have to do is wait this one year out, that’s all, that will be the hardest part, and I will need a lot of help, but I will manage I’ve done it before, and I don’t care about anything else at the moment, probably not good but I cant help it at the moment with this pain in my heart, where did it come from, I have felt this before but it was helped by a few little extra ingredients I don’t wish for any more, how come nothing can be done without any pain, there is always suffering in everything I do, Buddha is always right, again and again, its all a mystery, to me, if I could take all the emotion,, and fear out of the equation then there would be no pain, and i’m in my own jail, but I know how to beat it, well not beat but work through it or whatever, I know all the answers I have already, I just need to find them and probably more to the point is to understand them, salvation is within, get busy living, or get busy dying, I guess I cant complain, I just need a start and then I can go and smash it, once I start I will be alright and will be able to focus upon what I need to do now, and I wont have to feel so shit, and on the verge of the gaping casim which has always been my way I guess, maybe I should change it, uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, this wont last.
“I’ve got another confession to make, I’m your fool.” Foo fighters.
Trapped between two worlds, with no way out,
I’m not going to cry or even shout,
I’ve gotta keep going for the promised I made,
There are no guarantees, for even best plans laid,
I want to know what the darkness is for,
Only the light can tell me any more,
The hole is getting heavier, and darker,
This will only make it easier, and quicker,
When the switch is flicked, and I fall over the edge,
The heaven will be ripped, and rain with a sledge,
Break the chains I tied myself,
Breaking my own health
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