Pics

pictures from my apartment and the school

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DOUBT THERE ABOUTS

there isnt a day that goes by that i dont have a second thought, what about this, what if, what about that, and i'm so tired of it, of tired of thinking full stop, and yet i cant stop it, even when i sleep i'm thinking, when i eat, when i shower, to cease this internal ruckas would be a blessing, sometimes i think it wouold be better to just die, and then it will stop, sometimes i tell myself it would be better to be dead because then i wouldnt have work, or i wouldnt have listen to loud lazy kids all day, and this and that, and then i get tired of thinking this and that, maybe i'm just trying to fend of my fear of death, maybe i'm deluding myself so i wont be afraid, but then what is there to be afraid of, if i die, i die thats it, then i can rest, but then what would i miss out, who will miss out on the help i could have offered, and the help i miss out on, i wish there was a volume button in my head so i could mute the noise, the doubt the secong guessing, the constant nagging, and the stupidity of my own ego trying to compete with others, putting myself down, building myself up, the less i think the better i can do, the better i can do the better for everybody, i wish i wish i wish i wish, i wish that this ego would run away, and find something else to do other than bother me all day ive got things to do, when will the noise stop

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SHE KNOWS, BUT DOES SHE KNOW WHAT SHE KNOWS

i look into the faces of our children everyday and wonder what will there life be like, for i know that it is becoming more and more dangerous as each day passes, what life will they be able to lead if we dont do something today to help others, and we should all take responsibility, for all those who are in a position of responsibility, we must never give up, what good is a life that only takes and never gives, when will the violence stop if we always take an eye for an eye, when will people learn and governments take heed of their own words, as they ly and cheat the very people they are supposed to serve, when will people be satisfied with what they need, and begin to take as much as they give, i look into the eyes of our children and i feel afraid for their future, will they be safe, will they be able to walk down the street without fear, will they be able to go to school safely, will they be free to do and think as they please as long as they dont fall into the same traps as us of money and selfishness, where people try to get a bigger house and a faster car, when will people see that when you give you recieve more than just material things, which actually last longer than money, when will our children live without fear, when ? this will be the day when i no longer shed a tear for children and their future......

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ANOTHER PIC OF HAT YAI

another one
some websites for your info needs.

http://www.marimari.com/content/thailand/popular_places/southern/hat_yai/hat_yai.html

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hat_Yai

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MY NEW HOME TOWN

NEAR MY HOME

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Beautiful Hat Yai, Songkhla, Thailand.

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YOU CAN LEAD A HORSE

if you can lead a horse to the water, but you can not make him drink, then how can help students to learn when they dont even want to be led to the water, and what makes a good teacher in the first place, when i think of the teachers i liked it was becasue they were nice, does this make a good teacher, or does it have to do with a large amount of different ingredients to bake a delicious cake, is it the time and patience you put in, is it a vast amount of knowledge, (i hope not), is it a strong will, is it sheer determination, or do you just try to teach that want to learn, what if your just a nice person, but a really bad teacher, or a really bad person and a good teacher, or can a good person teach good things, helpful things, or can good only teach good and bad only teach bad, could hitler teach about love or only hate, could saddam teach about being merciful or only being merciless, could christians teach the truth or just the bible, can hate teach hate, and love teach love, can the oppostie teach it's opposite, can a good person and a bad person still be a good teacher, i definitely a good teacher has to be above all a good student, this i know, and i remember the teachers i didnt like were the ones who were lazy, and didnt make the class exciting, but was that my job to be more excited about algerbra, (still never use it), does a god student make a good teacher, i also know that to be a ghood student, and a good teacher, one has to be able to listen, it's not always possible to understand but maybe it's not necessary, maybe we should listen more, and we should as one lady wrote listen to that inner child, if you want to have fun, if you have to listen to that inner child, life is not hard unless you make it so, life is not bad unless you make it so, but how do you make a good teacher, or if you know one can tell me that, tell me what makes a bad teacher, maybe i can works the other way, if i minimize the bad qualities than that gives the good qualities a better chance to shine, or at least grow, are people born good teachers, are Presidents, Queens and Kings just born, can make a queen, or a king, are Presidents moulded by teachers, i would hope not, that sounds a little manipulitive to me, can one learn to be a good teacher, or do teachers grow, like a seed into a tree, that never stops growing, that never stops learning, FOR TO BE A GOOD TEACHER YOU HAVE TO BE A GOOD STUDENT, otherwise your useby date will soon run out if not already.........

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GOOD DAY WHERE EVER YOU ARE

Another hot day in Hat Yai, i am in charge of teaching over 1000 students a week english, quite the daunting task, but what can i do, this is how it is here, a proverb i have always enjoyed from the I-Ching,

"eat, drink, and be merry, fate comes when it will."

In other words dont worry about what you cant change, and dont worry about what you can change, "just do it", in classes of almost 50, i wonder how many will actually learn anything, will just listening be enough, because i dont have enough time in one week for 1000 students, a month would be far more beneficial, but i do what i can, i dont think about what i would like to be doing tomorrow, i just try to help today, this is all i can do, an aid, i wish i could spend a bit more time with each student but that is just not possible, but if they can have fun at my expense then i dont mind just as long as it is in english, then everybody is happy, because i remember when i was a student, i wasnt the best behaved either, so how can i expect student of 12 to 15 to be any better behaved, i just hope they can learn more than what i did, and theyre like i can not read there language either otherwise those notes they pass around could be a lot more embarrassing then just having to answer a question on the board, but i will persist, and i have no choice but to learn and adapt, otherwise evrybody will suffer because i lack the ability to grow, this is not an option

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BEAUTIFUL THAILAND

its amazing how quick your mind can change, and how harmful it can be when you are in a completely new place, where hardly anyone speaks english, and people just stare at you in the street, but i guess you have to just move past it, and really find belief in yourself something i have always had trouble with, so lately i have just been throwing caution to the wind, and let my karma take over, if its meant to be its meant to be, theres no point in fighting it, otherwise suffering will be all that one experinces, such a beautiful society where the honour system rules, which could never work in Australia, too many people lost and looking to steal and destroy something, maybe its just boredom, who can say, but now my task is about to begin, to teach poor children english so that no matter how far they go at school, they will be able to get a job somewhere working with foreigners, and hopefully make an honest living anyway, and not rip them off and me in the meantime, education is all these people have to better there life situation and there own health, and that of their country, now just to fight the corruption, but where to begin

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GOOOOOOOD MORNING HAT YAI

i have finally relocated myself to another country nothing like my home for a teaching job, which will take me for the next year in a government school teaching high schoolers, a beautiful country, beautiful people, and sometimes beautiful food, ha ha ha just kidding everything here is beautiful, i'm just nervous about starting at a new school, hopefully i wont make to much of a fool of myself, but if they learn then what can i do, let the good times roll, livin the dream people, livin the dream, who wouldnt want to come to thailand

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Leaving home to arrive home

This will be the last post from my home in Melbourne, having finally organized and executed all plans necessary to start my dream job in a new country, where I can begin what I have dreamed of doing for so long, full hope that I can make a difference, to help people who are unable to help themselves for the moment, and elevate them to a higher standard of living, improving there life situation, I HOPE

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Manipulation or Administration

There are many people who are dumb founded but what I have done in the past, and lack the ability to understand, and will never understand the things I have done and the things I am about to do, but never would I change them, nor does it bothered me, I am dumb founded more by the fact that less people have done what I have done, and am about to do, they are so caught up in their own individuality they have lost their ability to give what they don’t need, and yet this lack of ability restricts their own lives, and happiness, never have I owned less in my life, and nor have I ever been happier with all parts of my life, some have even question my mental state, and have suggested that I have been manipulated in some way, but there is nothing that I have done that I didn’t already choose to do, far before the opportunity arose, many people think that I am very impulsive, spontaneous but there are very few situations, opportunities, option, or decided upon before the situation or chance arises in a moment between people, thou it does help that there are very few things that I just don’t care about anymore, because they have no baring upon my happiness, because I know that I am the only in control of my happiness, not people nor situations, and I am not afraid to be pushed, asked, or even offer to be taken out of my comfort zone, and money to me is nothing, if it can help someone for a day I will give them everything I possibly can, though I have learnt a lesson, that you still have to be able to take care of yourself before, because if you cant take care of yourself, how ill be able to take care of others, for you to love or make someone happy, you have love yourself, you first must be happy, hate and unhappiness can only arise in you if it already exists, no one can make you angry if you are not already angry, no one can make you afraid if you are not already afraid, no one can make you happy unless you are already happy, I have been blessed to have been born into a better life situation than others I have met, and I am not afraid to abuse that situation to benefit others I love, just as long no one else suffers because of it.

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MY OWN JAIL

I’m dying here in this full house,
With this knife I’ve never been so close,
Wallowing in these drugs,
I thought it would kill the time and bugs,
But it just makes me think of you more and more,
Slowing down the time increasing pains door,
I just want to run but it wont matter there’s no distance,
That I would be safe for instance,
Maybe these valiums will aid,
But I haven’t slept in days dreams unmade,
It say’s I should only take three in one day,
But I’m so tired and my head aches body sway’s,
An earthquake through my mind,
Maybe I should take five, rewind,
But I’m so tired I haven’t slept in days,
Maybe I better take ten in this haze,
Okay I’ll be fine but I’m so so so tired,
My heads thumping more than thunder hired,
Maybe I should take the bottle,
Okay that will do now where’s the waters throttle,
This may take a minute,
There we go that was easy bin it,
Maybe I’ll get some food,
And sit down and watch TV what’s my mood,
There’s nothing on flicking away,
Oh how ya doing “I’m okay”
“Where did you come from do I know you?”
Do you mean this view?
I haven’t seen you before,
But I’ve always been near the shore,
How come I couldn’t see you previously?
Because you never took time to the sea,
To look to listen why then can I see you now?
Because you’re stuck in a place some how,
That is neither here or there nor high or low,
No such place that’s a long bow,
Well if that’s what you believe,
Then you do nothing but yourself deceive,
Now this place you had help to find,
You only have to free your mind,
You’re closer than before,

Just let go and you will see even more.

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ALL I WANT

All I can see is you,
All I can dream about is you,
All that keeps me going is knowing that I will see you soon,
All my dreams I just want to hold your hand,
All I need is to see your face again,
All that holds me back is time,
All I want is time with you and our children,
All that matters,
All that I think about is just as long as you have,
All you want and need,
I can’t wait till that first touch on your cheek just so,
I know its real so,
I know that there was something worth living for,
I know there will be no barriers,
I’m looking forward to the day,
I want you to say its over,
I want you to say that all your dreams have been fulfilled,
I won’t stop till that day comes,
I won’t stop till those words have been spoken,
I won’t quit, waiting for that day,
I wont ever look back,
I don’t care about anything else but this.

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I WISH

I wish I could paint like those paintings I see in the museums,
So I could paint a picture of your face,
I wish I could photograph like those photo’s I see in the magazines,
So I could photograph a portrait of our future,
I wish I could write like those books I read in the libraries,
So I could write a poem of our dreams,
I wish I could sing like those I hear in the opera,
So I could sing a song about your beauty,
But all I can do is say I love you,
I hope you feel the same

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