In the Garden of Solitude

 T

he stillness where shadows whisper,  

I wander the garden of my solitude,  

Amongst the withered petals of hope,  

Fear blooms like a nightshade—venomous and deep.  

O beloved, your laughter once painted the dawn,  

But now it drips like dew upon barren ground,  

And I, a solitary bird in this vast expanse,  

Sing songs of loyalty to an echo unheard.  

What is love if not a fragile thread,  

Woven by fingers trembling in the night?  

Yet fear stalks me, a specter grim,  

Poised to sever all that binds me to you.  

I am a tree uprooted, swaying in the storm,  

Desolate, longing for the sun’s warm embrace.  

Each breath I take is a lament unvoiced,  

A dance of despair beneath the stars’ cold gaze.  

Here in the silence, loneliness unfurls,  

An enveloping shroud, heavy and relentless.  

Yet through this tempest, my heart remains true,  

A beacon glowing, tenderly devoted to you.  

Ah, but what is loyalty in the absence of light?  

It bends and breaks in the shadows of doubt,  

And I tremble at the thought of losing the ember  

That flickers between us, feeble yet proud.  

Should you depart, the world would turn bleak,  

Colors would wash into shades of gray,  

And I, a mere wanderer lost in the void,  

Would grasp at memories like leaves blown away.  

So as I dwell in this garden alone,  

Nurtured by dreams that may never bloom,  

Know that my heart, like an eternal flame,  

Bears witness to a love that transcends this gloom.

If its over?

 Sometimes its good to get things off your chest, whether they are good or bad, sometimes id rather be alone, again middle of the night and i cant sleep, i wish i had something else to do to pass the time, i need to find something productive, something that doesnt cost money and even better to make money, some things just cant be forgotten, it destroys everything, this feelig just hasnt gone away, being alone doesnt help, but then i dont get hurt, i always have to be careful becuse once an idea gets into my head it just wont go away, im just tired of feeling like this for so long, so if its over i know it will take years to get back,  just even to level, its going to take so much get back, what do you do when your sad? what do you do when you depressed? the more this goes on, the more i understand hy people take their own lives, cause some things never get better, some things hurt so much it will never go away, like trust, a glass once broken can be glued back together, but the cracks and small shards that are never going to go away, its like a drug, 

a medicine or other substance which has a physiological effect when ingested or otherwise introduced into the body.

"a new drug aimed at sufferers from Parkinson's disease"

Similar:

medicine

medical drug

medication

medicament

remedy

cure

antidote

cure-all

panacea

nostrum

potion

elixir

magic bullet

physic

• a substance taken for its narcotic or stimulant effects, typically illegally.

  "a cocaine-based drug"
• what can you do if your an addict and cant let go? cant heal that wound? a day by day, no more plans for the future, just try to survive for the day is going to be difficult, 
• 
  
• the fact or condition of being addicted to a particular substance, thing, or activity.

the craving is always there, the pain is always there, at least everyone now has some one so if i go it wont be a big problem, some may be sad, but they will be able to manage, crying and tears do help, but everything is just a bandaid, theres nothing worse than mental issues and mental pain, because you cant see it, and time doesnt heal it in a few days or weeks, wish i could just turn off my brain and not be so sensitive, not think, not feel, will talking help? who am i can going to tell who can i just let everything out because i dont want others to suffer from the truth , just me knowing is enough, and its not going to help me by getting others involved, all i wanna do is close my eyes, and float away, and sleep, my eyes are heavy and i can barley keep going i hope everyone else is ok and happy, just enjoy what your doing, because nothing makes me happy  anymore, just gotta work and save and do nothing else, stay out of trouble, keep quiet, wish i was stronger, sometimes i feel like im a teenager again mentally, weak, confused, stupid, tired, when will it end? 

A Heartbound Lament

 In chambers dim where shadows creep,  

A whispered dread disrupts my sleep.  

Alone I sit—my heart exposed,  

To specters of the dark, I'm opposed.  

Oh, silken voice that haunts me still,  

A fleeting echo, a lingering thrill.  

Yet in this silence, fear takes hold,  

Of losing thee, as night turns cold.  

With every tick, the clock's cruel hand  

Turns hope to dust, like grains of sand.  

A loyal soul, in shadows dwell,  

Chained in sorrow, cast in hell.  

Through moonlit veils, your laughter rang,  

Yet now it fades, a mournful pang.  

The void you leave—a chasm wide,  

Where once was joy, now fear resides.  

This heart, once vibrant, now in chains,  

A captive lost in love's refrains.  

Haunted by dreams that slip away,  

In darkness' clutch, there’s naught to say.  

The chill of loneliness wraps me tight,  

As phantoms wail in the dead of night.  

What fate awaits when love takes flight?  

Without your warmth, there blooms no light.  

So here I stand, in twilight's grasp,  

With trembling hands, my thoughts I clasp.  

Loyal until the end, I vow,  

But, oh! What sorrow when hearts break now.  

In every heartbeat, a silent prayer,  

That you might stay; please do not dare  

To fade like mist at dawn's ascent—  

For without your love, my soul is rent.

In Shadows of Longing

 In the silence of a lonely room,  

Where shadows dance and hopes consume,  

A heart once bright, now heavy, sore,  

In every beat, I miss you more.  

Your smile, a light that lit my way,  

Now lost within this endless gray.  

Each second drips like falling rain,  

Time stretches out in waves of pain.  

The laughter fades, the joy runs dry,  

With every moment, I wonder why.  

I lie awake, the night so deep,  

Can’t close my eyes; I can't find sleep.  

No appetite for food or cheer,  

Just memories whispering, "You're not here."  

In every thought, your name I trace,  

Yet wealth and comfort feel out of place.  

Tortured echoes fill my mind,  

Seeking solace I cannot find.  

What is left when you are gone?  

A hollow shell, dusk before dawn.  

I want nothing but to hold you tight,  

To feel again that spark of light.  

But every breath reminds me still,  

That without you, time stands still.  

So here I stand, in shadows cast,  

Haunted by the beauty of our past.  

Crying tears these moments must earn,  

While in my heart, your love will burn.

 

It's ok to be weak, it's ok to cry, just be careful where and when, and who you show or tell, not everyone is your friend, and not everyone will understand, we all have our own struggles and problems and most people wont understand much about it, everyone has bad days, weak moments in life, but even though they act happy, say they understand, they wont admit it to you.

Time can help you to adjust or manage, but it still wont take away the pain, some things will just hurt forever, no matter what you do, or how long it takes, just try to keep going, but don't ignore, don't deny it, try to accept it in small doses, and things will improve.

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I guess if ur in hell, things cant get any worse

 

On the first day of work, the second day of the year, maybe I should start doing this more often, some say it helps, maybe it does, because I can barely sleep most nights, there's a pain that never goes away, and a fear that is constant, I know most of it is in my head, but I'm usually right, need to manage everything all alone, no one can really help you, money is good, but it doesn't take away the pain, doesn't take away loneliness, doesn't take away the fear, life is to be forever a gamble, joy has left, and there is rarely anything that is enjoyable, there are so many things to fear, so many things that will go wrong, I can understand why so many want it to end because living a lie or living in constant pain and fear affect how much you care, and that can spiral out of control and there's no end to that hole.

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no reason

 everything is broken and tainted, how can i respect you the same any more? everything has changed, there's no more happiness or joy, what used to help me no longer gives any joy, there's no reason no point, they say its better to have and lost, then never loved before, but i couldn't agree at all, ignorance is bliss, its better to not know, then know everything.