1 August 2004 9:46 AM

AM only three months to go and just thinking about it sends shivers through my body, so exciting, i’m ready to go now, but I want to wait a little more just to build it a bit, and I don’t even care about uni any more, all I really care about doing is being in a position to help those who need it, those who don’t have the money to afford what ever it is I can provide, wether it be in photography or psychology, i’m not interesting any more in gaining money, or my own house, or even a relationship, all those things have become secondary, as I know there all nice things of course, but they don’t bring lasting fulfilment or happiness, this has to come from within, with a certain contentment with where one is at the moment, and not looking beyond what one has, or may want next, anything can be updated, exchanged, or replaced, but it if it accomplished your basic needs what difference does it matter how big your TV is or how many rooms in your house


In the end, I will send,
All my love to all, like a soft snow fall,
So gentle and calm, to land upon your arm,
While at first you won’t even notice,
To blossom in you like a lotus,
The beauty which will take a second to feel,
But all you will want to do is give and never steal,
Like the sun fills every corner with heat,
You will drop to your seat,
And remember the sweet,
Nothing could delete,
The feeling from within,
As your mouth will grin,
Without any effort at all,
Able to fill a large hall,
Or even more, forget the race bore,
We all need to take a little more within,
Just to sit and do nothing is not a sin,
Listen to your heart,
Your mind isn’t smart,
Love will conquer all hate,
It’s not worth the state,
Your children will take,
Have a look at what is really at stake,
Don’t be blinded by what you main gain today,
Let your children have a say,
We only have one world to love,
We can fit nicely within one glove,
What will come, and what is real,
Need not worry just notice how you feel,
Allow your understanding to grow,

another day gone in 2004, another 24 hours closer to 2005, I can feel still feel so low, and high sometimes that i’m about to cry in both instances, my fear seems to be delude a little, but maybe i’m just more deluded, a certain kind of brainwashing, upon myself, by myself very genius if you ask me, but I find evidence in each second I breath, in out, in out, very soothing to just watch the breath, and yet so basic, its amazing how simplicity seems to work, maybe just the old theory of chaos and order, but not the other way in this instance, for simplicity never needs complexity to solve, but more simplicity, who knows, but when it comes to cooking its always better to put less in of something then over doing it, you can always add a little latter, but you can never reverse the situation, I am becoming more peaceful, and a guy said in a shop the other day that I looked centred, what does this mean, how does one look, or appear centred, is this reflected in the face, or maybe the eyes, which I find the most fascinating, but have the most trouble looking at in person, but a photo I could look at all day, but its never the same, photos and painting don’t even come close to being there, the same goes for movies, you don’t have the smells or natural sounds of life, recorded sound is so fake, all sound is are waves of vibration, how can vibrations cause such discomfort in people not including ones of extreme volume thou of course, and people keep trying to give me stuff I don’t need, granted I took them in the past but now they seem so empty, and unfulfilling, the more you feed craving the stronger they get, and the more they take a hold of your weak and stupid mind, it would have been so much easier and painless if someone sat you down at about 5 or 6 and said this is how it is, maybe not as fulfilling, maybe because we need to know the why of everything, even when someone tells you not to do something you want to do it just to know why not to do it, may be if everyone was more concerned with what we can do and not with what we cant do then it wouldn’t be an issue, I think some things work backwards round this planet, or maybe i’m backwards, my ideas often conflict with this society, which has an unbelievable amount of misplaced power, it also helps you to find the boundaries quicker when you do wrong

Share