23 January 2004 10:50 AM

AM it’s a funny world we live, sometimes I feel so high and then sometimes so low, sometimes I feel lonely and sometimes I feel so crowded, sometimes I feel I need nobody, sometimes I feel I just need to hold someone I myself don’t make sense of myself how can I make sense of the world, all I know is that I cant wait to go overseas, it will be so good to be truly on my own with few belongings and no commitments at all here to hold me be back, I’ve been alright lately but still so damn lazy n I don’t know y, sometimes I feel like I miss so much but maybe its just the idea or connection or contact or someone close to talk to sometimes I just don’t know, what the hell is going on if there were some certainties in life some things in which one could count upon in life to judge or to know what is and what isn’t, a path clearly laid out or some sense of direction, I know I must go overseas but for what reason, what purpose what will be gained and what will be lost, what will grow and what will die inside me these r things which would ease my mind, also having given up drinking has been good, n seeing as I cant go OS till the end of the year it pains me but I know it will be for the best as these seem to pan out so, I wish I had some place to belong, I think this is my biggest problem, no structure or routine with little practise and push, it will certainly test me this year and may be necessary to be done and accomplished before not only the year but also my life and trip, I also try to rush everything, and need instant result of action other wise I lose my way quickly n to easily I am so weak, so small,………………………………........................................................................

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