3 October 2003 2:28 AM

here I am again, at the beginning, alone and fearful of what is to come, where, when and who will come with three people leaving my life, and another hopefully not on the way, but it’s the loneliness that pains my heart so, which is my biggest fear for leaving home, where I know someone else will be, even if I don’t see them, what is that I crave for so much that it leads me so deep down into the abyss that I cant see the light, and yet when I’m up I’m so blinded by what it is I need that I can no longer see and think straight, completely consumed, does it relate to a single event in my life or is it just an accumulation of my existence in this form, there is nothing more I care for than this blinding light which completely dissolves all other worries, as nothing else seems to matter, I know it will rise again, and all I can do is “be merry, fate comes when it will”, my karma will bring and take what it is I truly need and not need, what will make me stronger and what will weaken me, I still wonder why it is that I need this light so bad, especially since I know it is not a necessity, to life, but maybe it is, if life can no longer be enjoyed, but I will carry on once again in search for that next piece of the puzzle, is it the same for others, I can only assume and hope that there is someone out there who feels the same, some one that fit’s the puzzle like a glove, who and where are you……………………………….......

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