CRAZY

, my life has also become rather crazy as I see now it was always going to be if I stayed here but what can I do its a lot more manic/depressive than I’m used to and expected but what can I do I never imagined it would be like this I was hoping for simplicity especially after Chiang Mai, which was so peaceful and pleasant and wasn’t easy but not hard, this is almost to extreme from bliss to heart break, it certainly takes it out of ya if you become to attached which I think I have but I know it wont last all I can rely on is the truth of what is and not what I tell myself it to be, I need to become more free and reliant upon myself and what I can do even if it isn’t much its all I have to rely upon is what I can do and feel is right I don’t care about anything at the moment but my friends and there position why is it I reflect this is so much as though i’m a mirror in which I cant be my own self and i’m always up for heedlessness maybe to escape the pain inside I wish it to go away and yet I created it how smart can I be when I create my own suffering day in day out I feel it maybe that why i’m so quick to tears because it touch’s upon my own pain, I need to know myself better, I know I want nothing but to be free of this suffering I feel each second i’m feeling very tired and worn out i’m looking forward to a holiday
16:16 its certainly been interesting but not always fun but definitely learn a lot with a lot of good people around to help but very tiring what a weird world I’ve entered its amazing how I see nothing is normal and nothing is backwards or forwards just because one person does it one way doesn’t make it right and the other way is wrong its just different after going to hospital and having stitches for the first time and having them taken out by a friend I almost feel like a mute Thai person who can barely speak.

Share