I JUST CANT STAY

not long now, and I cant wait, ha ha ha, of course I can seeing as it also allows me to organise everything that I have to and make sure I have enough cash, which hopefully wont be a problem, but not having any responsibilities or jobs, or anything actually will be good, especially since I have been at school pretty much most of my life, and working most of the last five years, I don’t even know what its like to have nothing to do, which will be sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo good I cant wait, the excitement is beginning to build up and blow like a volcano, but its all going to be okay, there is also a little sadness at leaving everything behind, but there is something inside that cant stay here forever, I know I will see everything again, and everybody, but to immerse myself into another culture so far from mine, not only in distance but in all that governs one life will be so very good, and though I have limited experience in it, only having left the country for two months, it was the most liberating experience, and the knowledge that arises from it can not be taught or learnt any other way, and if I need to work just part time than that will just have to be, but i’m so excited to be leaving in just less than two months, that I will be living in a new country learning and living their way will be so good, and to be able to practice will be so relieving, and meeting with new people will be the most amazing experience, maybe I will even do some volunteer work which will also be very good, but a little harder to organise, so that will be a little lower upon the list of priorities, but nether the less an idea, its also interesting to hear what people think about you, wether it be good or bad, its also been very good spending time with Bhante each week, to follow in his foot steps would also be amazing, and to come back here and teach would also be very good, at least this way all questions and doubt will be set upon in concrete for, and there will be no turning back, to rise above, and cross the line or to fall, and crash and burn, I also think that fears cant be beaten for a lay person, but that we just develop better methods for coping, which me thinks is just as important, but it all comes down to becoming a witness, and having the ability to see how and why certain things arise within oneself, and also within others, the more I practice the more I realise we are all the same, and that blaming and harming, others only weakens your own self, when you see, just see, when you hear, just hear, when you smell just smell, when you touch just touch, when you know just know, its amazing how simple it all is, and yet so many people don’t see it, it took me 24 years to realise its simplicity and beauty, and the “eternalness” of it, it is quite mind blowing, to experience without judgement, without labelling, without criticising, without fear, without anger, without religion, without politics, without money, without hatred, when one sees and understands, one can no longer feel hatred or a want to harm, because one knows, and one cant help but to feel love, and a love that has no judgment, or label, or direction, but a true want for all living beings to be happy, healthy and free from suffering, a purity that is true and clear, its so obvious that hate only breeds hate, fear breeds fear, and only love will save the day, “all you need is love” John Lennon.

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