who the hell invented wakin up early.....

Waking up in the middle of the night, sweat gliding down my forehead, rolling over sure my time to leave this horizontal bliss would soon be over, but then opening one eye catching a glimpse at the time on my phone, alright its only 2:30, lets party for the next four hours, then again at 3:30, 4:10, 5:58 and 6:08, alright still 30 minutes of bliss to go, come on mind lets get something good out of it, then BANG, or should I say BEEP BEEP BEEP, my phone goes off at exactly 6:38 (well according to my phone anyway), oh but another five minutes wont hurt as though they will make the difference to the rest of my day, but then I end up arguing with myself, whats a few minutes here or there, so after only three more minutes of bliss I get up still trying fight waking up, so I sit on the end of my bed, as my wife is quick to steal the rest of the covers as soon as I am sitting upright without a word, then nature calls, quite aggressively as my lazziness to relieve myself turns into the inevetible pain afterwards you know is going to come but you still put it off for as long as you can, so iI manage to dawdle the three steps into the bathroom, reluctant to turn that glaring light on just incase it wakes me, and I plonk myself onto the toilet because I'm still going to sleep a few minutes on the bowl as the world wakes with screaching cars and honks out the window, and so I can sleep on the bowl for a few more minutes I stumble around more the toothpaste and my red toothbrush I "borrowed" off of my wife, and brush away for a few minutes still trying to hold my head up with hand, and then when its all done I spray the hose and wash the toothpaste on the floor and flush the toilet, as I reach around the corner to turn the switch thats going to light up my day, I notice the resident cockroach scurries off as I still dont have the heart to spray him/her/it, but I'll just catch him/her/it and then leave him/her/it for my wife to dispense of in the morning as she goes through the same routine only to find a bucket upside in the bathroom, stopping for a few moments to wonder what its doing there in the first place, and without a second thought just picks it up only to be frighetened that there is another living being underneath awaiting its time to escape so it can go on creating its amazing empire supposedly the only one to survive when the humans finally get the courage or fear to drop all those nuclear bombs and then we can take over THE WORLD "ha ha ha ha fools", then I stare into the mirror rubing my face deciding whether I have to shave again that day or whether I can get away with it again for another day, no one will notice, but I'm also in two minds about when I will have my shower because with no hot water theres always that anxiety and fear of jumping into a cold shower, but then I can only put it off for so long before I am late and will miss the school bus which then will of course ruin my whole day, I reach over to turn the shower on which has less pressure than I after a few chang beers, taking three times longer to wash off the soap as a "normal" shower until, so as wait the five minutes for the trickle begins to end as the last dregs of soap wash down the drain, I glady grab the large beach towel which I saviour after every shower as it automatically warms me, brushing the water off my body, and then I begin the arduous search for the right clothes because of course you have to match the right colours with the right days so you dont offend the King or any one of the teachers, and then I would loose face, but of course I wouldnt hear about it until about two months later when the word finally gets around, then I find my shoes, and spray all the sprays I need to, to keep the odours away from everyone else, and I leave the room almost awake, which of course lasts only till the school bus arrives as its full of fifty monkeys and its already twenty five dgrees and I am sweating before 8:00 and Ive done nothing but have a shower and walk down the five flight of stares out into the world as motor bikes and tuk tuks fly by, and on the corner a buffalo lifts its head only enough to see some fool wearing a bright yellow T-shirt, and thinking "he's porbably more scared of me than I am of him", and so just drops his head again to keeping muching that sweet green grass he's been having a go at all morning which is infinitely more interesting than that yellow fool.

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