Simpsons movie quotes

[Homer is whipping the dogs pulling his sled] Homer Simpson: Run! Run! Run! Run! Run! Run! Homer Simpson: [the dogs jump over a cliff] Jump! Jump! Homer Simpson: [the dogs land on the other side] Land! Land! Homer Simpson: [the dogs take a breather] Rest! Rest! Homer Simpson: [the dogs pull the sled again] Run! Run! Homer Simpson: [Homer sets up camp and begins removing the dog muzzles] Now I know we've had a rough day, but I'm sure we can put that all behind us and... Homer Simpson: [the dogs start attacking Homer, causing him to scream in pain] Ow! That's my whipping arm! Homer Simpson: [the dogs leave Homer stranded] Oh, why does everything I whip leave me?
Bart Simpson: I want a father who's the same in the morning as he is at night. Oh... what's that word... Todd Flanders, Rod Flanders: Consistency? Bart Simpson: Thanks losers.
Homer Simpson: I'll let you hold the bomb... Bart Simpson: The man knows me!
Ned Flanders: Thank you, Lord, for this bountiful... Ned Flanders: [screams] Ned Flanders: PENIS! Rod Flanders, Todd Flanders: [devoutly] ... bountiful penis. Todd Flanders: Amen.
Homer Simpson: We have a great life here in Alaska, and we're never going back to America again!
Ned Flanders: Look at that, you can see the four states that border Springfield: Ohio, Nevada, Maine, and Kentucky! Bart Simpson: Oh yeah.
[from trailer] Homer Simpson: Time to save my family!
Homer Simpson: [while choking Bart for laughing at him] I'll teach you to laugh at something that's funny!
Tom Hanks: This is Tom Hanks saying if you see me in person, please, leave me be.
Marge Simpson: Homer, you have to go out there, face that mob, and apologize for what you did. Homer Simpson: I would, but I'm afraid if I open the door, they'll take all of you! Carl: No we won't. We just want Homer! Homer Simpson: Well, maybe not you, but they'll kill Grandpa! Grampa: I'm part of the mob!
Marge Simpson: Somebody throw the goddamn bomb!
Krusty the Clown: If you can find a greasier sandwich, you're in Mexico!
Martin: [walks up to bullies, picks up wooden board] I've been taking your crap all my life! [beats the bullies in one swipe] Dolph, Jimbo Jones, Kearney: Uggghh! Martin: Whoo! This feels good! No wonder you do it.
Russ Cargill: Springfield has become... Man: Woooo! Springfield!
Barney Gumble: Honey, I'm home.
Homer Simpson: [after being trapped in the dome] D'OOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHME!
[Bart puts a black bra on his head] Bart Simpson: [in the voice of a cartoon mouse] I'm the mascot of an evil corporation!
Mayor Quimby: I hereby declare a state of emergency: Code Black. Lenny: Black? That's the worst color there is. [Lenny turns to Carl, his black friend] Lenny: No offense there, Carl. Mayor Quimby: I get it all the time.
Chief Wiggum: [after the Simpsons' house collapses into the sink hole] They're China's problem now.
Skull: Evil.
Ned Flanders: Ok, boys, when you meet Jesus, be sure to call Him Mr. Christ. Todd Flanders: Will Buddha be there? Ned Flanders: No.
Billie Joe Armstrong: We've been playing for three and a half hours. Now we'd like just a minute of your time to say something about the environment. [all goes quiet, followed by angry shouts and hurled debris]
Marge Simpson: Mmmm, best kiss of my life. Homer Simpson: Best kiss of your life, so far.
Squeaky-Voiced Teen: [during the end credits, mopping up the theater floor] Assistant Manager isn't all it's cracked up to be. Four years of film school for this?
[watching the credits] Bart Simpson: [to Homer] Come on, dad, let's go! I've been holding it since they put the dome on the town!
[about the Itchy and Scratchy movie in the cinema hall] Homer Simpson: I can't believe we're paying to see something we get on TV for free! If you ask me, everybody in this theater is a giant sucker! Especially you! [points to us]
Homer Simpson: Stay back, I've got a chain saw! [fakes chainsaw sounds vocally]
Montgomery Burns: Smithers... I don't believe in suicide, but if you'd like to try it, it might cheer me up to watch.
Comic Book Guy: I've spent my entire life doing nothing but collecting comic books... and now there's only time to say... LIFE WELL SPENT!
Todd Flanders: I wish Homer was my father. Ned Flanders: ...and I wish you didn't have the devil's curly hair.
Krusty the Clown: Perfect. Cut. Print. Kill the pig. Homer Simpson: What... you can't kill him if he's wearing people clothes!
[Bart claps] Lisa Simpson: What are you doing, Bart? Bart Simpson: Eh, just passing the time. [Bart claps, snow repeatedly falls on Homer] Homer Simpson: Aw, my boy loves Alaska so much, he's applauding it. Lisa, why aren't you clapping? Lisa Simpson: But Dad! Homer Simpson: Clap for Alaska! [Lisa claps along with Bart] Homer Simpson: [Homer is buried under an avalanche]
EPA Official: S-sir, I'm afraid you've gone mad with power... Russ Cargill: Of course I have. You ever tried going mad without power? It's boring. No one listens to you!
Homer Simpson: [while dreaming] Bananas are an excellent source of potassium! [a tree slaps him]
Bart Simpson: You just bought another load of crap from the world's fattest fertilizer sales man!
Cletus: [after showing Cargill a trick with his thumb] You want to know how I do it? Russ Cargill: Four generations of inbreeding?
NSA Worker: Hey everybody, I found one! The government actually found someone we're looking for! YEAH, BABY, YEAH!
Chief Wiggum: [sees Fat Tony and his mobsters dragging a body wrapped in a sheet to the lake] Uh sorry, sorry, no dumping in the lake! Fat Tony: Fine, I will put my *yard trimmings* in a car compactor. [he and the mobsters walk off with the body] Lou: Uh, Chief, I think there was a dead body in there. Chief Wiggum: I thought that too, until he said yard trimmings. You gotta learn to listen, Lou.
Marge Simpson: Thanks for coming over. Comic Book Guy: [happily] Thanks for giving me your pregnancy pants; I've never known comfort like this.
Tom Hanks: Hello, I'm Tom Hanks. The US Government has lost its credibility so it's borrowing some of mine.
Homer Simpson: Thank you, boob lady!
[Moe sports a bathrobe and a traffic cone on his head] Marge Simpson: Why are you dressed like that? Moe: Well, I don't like to brag, but I am now the Emperor of Springfield.
Ned Flanders: [surprised by the pink mutated multi-eyed squirrel] Well, this certainly seems odd, but, heh, who am I to question the work of the Almighty? Oh, we thank you Lord for this mighty fine intelligent design! Good job!
Grampa: [shouting from church floor] Twisted Tail... A thousand eyes... Trapped forever!
Bart Simpson: [poking mutant squirrel's eyes] Jabby-jabby-jab-jab-jab! Male EPA Worker: Hey! Jab one more eye and it's a federal crime!
Marge Simpson: Wait! There's something I have to get! [Runs into house, unlocks "Keepsake Cabinet", grabs tape, washes dirty dish, and races out, mere steps ahead of fireball] Homer Simpson: [Marge gets back into car] What'd you get? Marge Simpson: Our wedding video. Homer Simpson: We have a wedding video?
Homer Simpson: [Pig nudges the plank the Simpsons are using to escape] No, Plopper. If you push that, daddy will die. Pig: [looks at Homer and pushes plank] Oink.
Marge Simpson: [grimacing at the overflowing 'Pig Crap' silo] He filled up the whole silo in just two days? Homer Simpson: [proudly] Well, I helped.
Robot: [robotic voice] So much pressure! Pressure! [grabs Chief Wiggum's gun and shoots itself in the head] Chief Wiggum: He'd been talking about it, but... I didn't take him seriously.
Bart Simpson: [blushing] Did you at least bring my clothes? Homer Simpson: Shirt, socks, everything you need. Bart Simpson: [covering up privates] You didn't bring my pants! Homer Simpson: Who am I, Tommy Bahama? Bart Simpson: [face is completely red, sobs] This is the worst day of my life. Homer Simpson: The worst day of your life *so far*.
Lisa Simpson: [during end credits] It looks like Maggie has something to say! Marge Simpson: Oh my God! Her first word! Maggie Simpson: [takes pacifier out of mouth] [pause] Maggie Simpson: Sequel?
Marge Simpson: Bart, are you drinking whiskey? Bart Simpson: I'm troubled.
Russ Cargill: Anyone can pick something when they know what it is; It takes real leadership to pick something you're clueless about. President Schwarzenegger: Ok, I pick 3! Russ Cargill: Try again. President Schwarzenegger: 1! Russ Cargill: Go higher. President Schwarzenegger: 5? Russ Cargill: Too high. President Schwarzenegger: 3? Russ Cargill: You already said 3. President Schwarzenegger: 6? Russ Cargill: There is no 6. President Schwarzenegger: 2? Russ Cargill: Double it. President Schwarzenegger: 4! Russ Cargill: As you wish, sir.
Colin: I'm Colin. Lisa Simpson: I haven't seen you at school Colin: Just moved from Ireland. My dad's a musician. Lisa Simpson: Is he...? Colin: He's not Bono. Lisa Simpson: I just thought because you're Irish and you care about... Colin: He's NOT Bono.
Homer Simpson: More than two shakes and it's playing with yourself?
Marge Simpson: [to Lisa] Honey, that's great. But the very best thing is that he listens to you. Because nothing means more than for a man to... [looks up in surprise] Marge Simpson: How did the pig tracks get on the ceiling? [cuts to Homer holding a pig to the ceiling] Homer Simpson: [singing Tune to Spider-Man Theme Song] Spider-Pig, Spider-Pig. / Does whatever a Spider-Pig does. / Can he swing / from a web? / No he *can't*, / He's a pig. / Look out! / He is the Spider-Pig!
Homer Simpson: Homer do good? Bart Simpson: Actually, you've doomed us all. Again.
[from trailer] Announcer: Wait a minute, you're just repeating everything I say! Homer Simpson: [cuts to Homer] I know, it's WEIRD!
Ned Flanders: The Good Lord is telling me to confess to something... Homer Simpson: [whispering hopefully, with his fingers crossed] Gay Gay Gay Gay Gay Gay Gay
Homer Simpson: He's not Spider-Pig anymore, he's Harry Plopper.
President Schwarzenegger: I was elected to *lead*, not to *read*.
Montgomery Burns: Well, for once, the rich white man is in control.
Santa's Little Helper: [subtitled] I did things no dog should. They will haunt me forever.
[Lisa and Colin are separated by the dome and are saying their good-byes] Bart Simpson: [singing] Lisa's got a boyfriend, that she'll never see again! [Lisa slugs him out]
[Bart is skateboarding naked across town] Ralph Wiggum: [brightly] I like men now.
Homer Simpson: [to Pig] Maybe WE should kiss, just to break the tension.
Bart Simpson: [drunk] I miss Flanders. There, I said it!
Chief Wiggum: [shouting at a naked Bart] Stop, in the name of American squeamishness!
Bart Simpson: Don't shoot! If you kill my dad, you'll never know where the treasure is buried. Russ Cargill: What treasure? Bart Simpson: The treasure of Ima Wiener. Russ Cargill: I'm a wiener? [Homer and Bart laugh] Homer Simpson: Classic.
Lisa Simpson: But I'm so angry. Marge Simpson: You're a woman. You can hold on to it forever.
Bart Simpson: [on the blackboard, in the open sequence] I will not illegally download this movie.
[the Green Day barge is dissolving in polluted Lake Springfield] Mike Dirnt: Gentlemen, it's been an honor playing with you tonight.
[in the middle of the movie] Title Card: To be continued. [pause] Title Card: Immediately.
Russ Cargill: There's a couple of things they don't teach you at Harvard Business School: One is how to cope with defeat, the other is how to handle a shotgun. I'm going to do both right now.
Moe: What are you telling us, were trapped like rats? Russ Cargill: No, rats can't be trapped this easily, you're trapped like... carrots.
Dr. Nick: Bye, everybody!
Homer Simpson: It's the epiphitree!
EPA Driver: Look, we can't keep stopping at every "sop", "yeld", or "one vay" sign!
Marge Simpson: Despite everything, I miss your father. Bart Simpson: Me too... his big fat ass could shield us all.
Russ Cargill: I was tricked by an idiot! Cletus: Hey, I know how you feel; I was beat in tic-tac-toe by a chicken.
Bart Simpson: You know, we are on the roof. We could have some fun. Homer Simpson: What kind of fun? Bart Simpson: How bout a dare contest? Homer Simpson: That sounds fun! I dare you to... climb the TV antennae! Bart Simpson: [Bart climbs it easily] Piece of cake. Homer Simpson: [starts shaking the antennae] Earthquake! [Bart falls off and hangs onto the railing] Homer Simpson: [starts shaking the railing] Aftershock!
Homer Simpson: [about the pig] You're gonna love him! He does an impression of you! [pulls the pig's tail, and the pig makes a sound like a donkey] Homer Simpson: You nailed her. He also does me. [squeezes the pig's stomach] Homer Simpson: [the pig burps] [Marge giggles] Homer Simpson: You smiled, I'm off the hook!
Girl on Phone: You hang up first. Boy on Phone: No, you hang up first. [girl hangs up] Boy on Phone: She hung up on me!
Homer Simpson: That could be anybody's Pig Crap silo. [on TV, the cops rotate the silo to reveal "Property of Homer Simpson"]
Homer Simpson: Now Ol' Homie Simpson's gonna show he has cajones!
Homer: I dare you to skateboard here and back to Krusty Burger... naked.
Bart: How naked?
Homer: Fourth base.
Bart: But then girls might see my doodle.
Homer: Then I hearby declare you Chicken For Life! Every morning when you get up, I'll say "Good morning, Chicken!" And at your wedding I'll sing (To the tune of "Here comes the bride") "Bawk bawk bawk bawk! Bawk bawk bawk bawk! Bawk, bawk bawk-
[Bart skateboards naked]
Homer: (incredulous) Bawk?!
[Flipping frantically through the Bible] This book doesn't have any answers!

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