14 May 2004

its almost half way in the year already and I find myself already trying to slow down time as much as possible even though I’m really looking forward to the end of the year to travel, and it has been a very interesting couple of months, having gone upon the ten day meditation retreat with ajahn kalyano, which was so amazing, and so inspiring to follow, and go to Thailand to live for a while I hope, which will be such a test and growth for me, and to just push through what ever issues arise, that I can face them head on, and that I can find peace within myself and help others, I will probably cut off as much as I can from here, and cancel what ever has to be done, and finally finish uni, though I cant also stop thinking about how my life will plan out, as I have finally got to a point where I can leave everything and go on my own for a while depending upon money, and getting a job, which would be so awesome to work and live in another country so different to my own, and with the same religion, faith or practice which ever you wish to label it, but i’m just trying to save and organise stuff and decide what I want to do, but I think I my future is clear, and that I cant but help think that i’m going back home to where I belong and with some people who live what I follow, which is a bit different, well in fact a hell of a lot different, but I know what has to be done, and when I get there I will decide what to do where to go, and live life the way it should be done, but I still have some work to do here before I can go and focus a lot more upon my meditation practice and make it a main priority I have so much to learn, and yet I really don’t have any goals but this

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