19 December 2003 11:45 AM

sometimes I cant help but feel that i’m just wasting my life lying here as I just work and go out on the weekends what a waste or is it a necessary platform for what is to follow for me to allow myself to develop further to survive what’s around the corner, and feel that I not only need some stability some structure and some objective, I know I need to travel and cant wait to go overseas in about six months which will be unbelievable to travel to another country to not only survive but also to interact where every day will be filled with some new experience, and people, i’m feeling nervous already just thinking about it because I know how important it will be for me, and that hopefully I will be able to help others as well, I will no longer be just waiting around for things to happen I will make them happen as I leave the comfort of the luxuries in this country and to truly live in the moment as an outsider in a new country, so exciting with so many negativities and positives to occur, I will travel with nothing but clothes and my camera, to walk each day, I don’t want any distractions such as computers, TV or such things which matter not to me or life, except for communication in these days which people seem to be coming more attached to and I want to meet new people of a different world and live how they live, to experience this is truly enlightening how can one say you know a place without living in it from day to day, this is what I need to also be able to study in an environment which is of similar beliefs to what I have become to believe are true, I know family and friends will always be there but I desperately need to travel overseas and remove myself from this deprecating environment which I have become to comfortable in, I will just take clothes, books and probably my sleeping bag, and my camera isn’t even in question, so I can escape maybe from myself, but hopefully to find myself again and to become a better person with a greater wisdom and experience of other peoples lives and what they see as normal, there food and dress, living conditions and ideas, this is what my soul is yearning for the most, I must admit that I am in a very good position to do this as I see many people around who are unable to just leave everything and go, not just because I’m young but because I have no big responsibilities, and am able to work even though it’s a shitty repetitive go no where dead end boring ass job that I cant wait to leave though it has certainly served its purpose and it does give me the freedom to do what I wish, also thanks to my parents who give a fair bit of freedom and have allowed me to pursue, and also encourage, and knowing before I know what it is before I know, but never holding my hand but just by showing the door, which has also allowed me to fall and rise, but most importantly grow in a full circle, which one is unable to do if receiving to much of one or the other which is always the case with all that grows and lives, in six months I cant wait to be able to live in a another country its so damn exciting

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4 December 2003 5:17 PM

Lights flickered country alight,
Rain pours another spring night,
Grass glistening salt in the air,
Cracks in the clouds flair,
Were still ignorant of this land,
Each life a grain of sand,
Were still caught in the past,
With the flag at half mast,
Lost is our excuse,
Many still selfish and just use,
A need to strip away,
Break down and pray,
Magic around every and under,
All that is real in every thunder,



Fantasy is what we need,
With hope in each seed,
Destruction leads to birth,
Who is to judge each ones worth,
Everything that is born will die,
One must let go without a sigh,
Energy is all that is real,
Who even knows what to feel?
Failure is only in your head,
Don’t believe what is said,
Find the truth in your heart,
And you’ll find the true start,



Ruled by my weak mind,
Empty body is thy,
Flying through time,
Left out of the loop,
Caught in the middle of nowhere,
Nothing to loose,
Stuck with materials,
All we need is within,
To travel where we need,

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22 November 2003 7:12 AM

true richness stems from spirituality, and the thicker and darker the forest one passes through, the brighter and clearer the light at the end. Thou the more and more I think about it the more and more I cant help but think is why, even thou I know its not important and In the end I know its for the best it still aches and I cant but realise what real pain is, even thou my life is just a slight scratch on the surface, and I cant sleep again, I cant wait to go over seas and live in another country full of riches, some of the four most richest countries would have to be Thailand, Myanmar, India and Tibet, while writing this I realise that if I am to read this in a year or two or even more I think that I may find this ridiculous or in some way humorous I can seem to do for most things and yet when I try to pinpoint the actual reason it takes about five minutes to realise why its funny, now isn’t that funny, I have an insatiable urge to travel overseas and to live how others live in this rich world, what is it all for, I would also enjoy being able to help those in need, some how.

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18 November 2003 4:03 PM

maybe man needs pain and suffering to survive, not everything can be perfect all the time, loss and gain are as necessary as water and oxygen, without them how do you know what its like when one is lost
Begun again, endless pain
Left in the rain,
Till the sun shines
We will wait in lines
Pieces strewn all over the table
Each person is able

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17 November 2003 5:58 AM

the world is such an amazing place in which so much pain and suffering experienced by people daily, because of others own ego and selfishness. It’s a constant splinter in my mind. Also just relished how well a puzzle can be used as an analogy, to almost everything, revenge, life, humans, society, everything is contained within boundaries, in which a lot of confusion is held, but as along as one doesn’t loose perspective, forget the aim anything can and will be accomplished with persistence. One doesn’t even have to know what the end result will be, but just as long as you are honest and make sure all the pieces fit, then the last piece will fall into place without any effort. I know I am a weak man, am better off for it, I also know that I will always be better off, but never better, as anyone can find what, what I am forever grateful for, the truth, in all its glory without glorification.

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14 November 2003 6:00 AM

AM its amazing how hard it can be to make people see what you see, there so closed off, and don’t even listen to any new ideas, are they afraid to investigate what they’ve been led to believe there whole lives, and some don’t even understand why you would want to.

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9 November 2003 7:58 PM

life is a book, the more people you meet and places you see the more pages, and the richer your own book becomes. This is what real richness is. Imagine to get a job for the UN would be so cool travelling and helping those that truly need it. If only everything was black and white, people said what was really on there mind, and truly honest. Why do people make it so hard?

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3 November 2003 7:01 PM

“The mind-finger presses the release on the silly machine and it stops time and holds what its jaw can encompass and what the light will stain. That moment when the landscape speaks to the observer.” Lee Friedlander February 1970
I’ve found my answer this is what photography is in it purest form, its not so important where you are or what’s around you but that you are aware of the environment around you and listen to it, embrace it, breathe it, to live in the moment when that time is stopped that you interacted with it and that you were a part of it, becoming the photo whether in it or not, it’s a part of you, and a memory, and point in your life. Your life’s so short in terms of the whole universe, but having photography freezes that second for ever, and is a memory in itself that can be held, a hard copy from your mind that can be held in your hand. For there are two places in this world in which things can never exist as a hard copy, or representation of your world, and that’s in our minds, and now inside these computers, where reality has no place. The mind is the same as the virtual world in which computers and the internet exist. A whole world based upon ones and zeros, where nothing exists and yet the whole world is contained with all the information we have gathered over the thousands of years.

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2 November 2003 7:29 PM

another day nearing its end on a mild Sunday evening, troubled with what to do for the following year and what can I do, having had enough of uni as it is I will still have 2 subjects left next year but can I do them in another country somewhere far away, in another world having had a close look at Max Pams - Indian Ocean Journals, and Herb Ritts - Africa, I find we are all different yet, we are all the same, but its life, and I ask what is life ? How do you photograph it? What do you photograph? I find little inspiration here probably because I have, I am this place I am Melbourne, I am the streets and the people, and this place, and all from Melbourne are. When I look through these photos I find myself being taken away not only to another place but another time, where I want to be, I want to be travelling around, meeting people, and going through places talking, maybe this is what I need. Looking at the photos I know that these scenes just aren’t here, where to go and what to do? Is photography though a documentation of what is around you, or is it more, a documentation of your own life? Of places of just where your life takes, and the people you meet each day. How to capture life?……………………………............... What is life?……………………………

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1 November 2003 11:33 AM

AM there can be no end or beginnings simply for the fact that nothing would exist by now and that when everything is reduced to rubble it is recycled and every thing that exists comes from the earth and eventually returns the same all the water used and all that falls from the sky on to the dirt eventually returns to the sea, in an existence where we are so blind to the truth, of all that is real and not real, and the effect we have upon this world, or are we so good at denying the truth that we simply wish to forget about it and sweep it under the carpet. I look through a book of black and white photos of people and places I’ve never met nor been, yet when I look into the eyes of those individuals I cant help but see my self, and every single human beinging within them, as we all crave the same cravings, and we all feel the same feelings, the human body not only is a machine but can be a very delicate and beautiful form that reflects its birth in every picture of the landscape, or is just that being human I see this beauty and frailty that so many miss, our bodies the product of thousands and millions of years of evolution, and found to be the most dominant subject upon the round ball, or is it foolish to think that we even dominate at all, so what if we can build tall buildings and machines to fly in the air around the world, we have only dominated by destroying that is stupidity, not a civilised group of beings, its not surprising that I don’t see anything of awe about my immediate environment, probably because I have become complacent and take this complicated life for granted, and feel that this is no extraordinary place but look to the vastness of this land when there is nothing, and find that extraordinary, but those that come from such lands stand in awe. Possibly because of the atrocities, or what man is capable of, but never seems to wish to migrate here, yet we cant help but return again and again, as thou it were a part of our soul that’s drawn to this feeling of “nature” and nothing but you and the country, and what ever else there is out there

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31 October 2003 2:40 AM

There are no ends, no beginnings, just stages, rebirths if you will, we are all fruit from the same tree, and yet people are so quick to attack those who may look a little different to them. Yet aren’t we all human beings, and yet we categorise each other for based upon such small differences which float on the winds, and across the rivers of our own bodies, descendents of animals, life and energy, were all the same, we have come only from what has been before us, something cant arise from nothing, and something can never disappear into nothing, things may die and things may be born, but its just another transformation, my body is but a machine, it needs rest, fuel, and produces waste, just like any other machine, yet like an inanimate object we have an energy inside, which is instilled upon all, which is what keeps the ball rolling through out the universe, which connects us all

28 October 2003 6:54 AM

there can be no end or beginning, nothing happens in a split second, or the blink of an eye, for everything has a place, and everything is enveloped into the circle, and duality of all phenomenon, nothing can begin without having been before, and nothing can end without transferring again. Even when something seems to have happened suddenly, it has always had some occurrence of events before, to bring it to the point at which one is at.

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23 October 2003 6:34 AM

sitting here faced with the reality of all things, and that I will more than likely fail another subject this semester I don’t really care and in fact had a job interview a couple of days ago which could be the start of the next phase, even if I don’t get it and end up working for Coles full time I will still be able to move out of home next year which would be awesome, and a real good experience, or even if I do get the job and only do it for a couple of months it would be good, even thou the money is shit, and would really like to get over 500 a week, so I can pay the rent what can you do, even thou everything may not work out to plan it will work out the best for all concerned hopefully any way, and i’m really looking forward to the move which would be so good, to also live during the day would also be very good, and just to be able to work and not have to worry about homework, for a while any way it would be good…………..

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14 October 2003 12:27 AM

AM life needs to be explored and researched to the point of every molecule being studied and with reflection on the past, and nothing should be one sided, At the moment I lack the stability which I need and crave but I know that I cant have it now, but in time I know it will come and when it does, I will blossom and be able to be set free in all the glory and beauty in which all should have in life, I know it will come soon, the end is important for all things.

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13 October 2003 7:00 AM

My whole being quivers and a wave of euphoria takes hold,
As I loose all fears and am no longer cold,
Whenever I see your face, beauty and amazing grace,
Within your eyes I can see your true spirit,
Radiating is the essence of all that’s compassionate,
You are always on my mind, and within my heart,
I would go anywhere, by feet or horse and cart,
To give what it is you need to take care of you when ever you feel you have not
To give whatever to succeed,
These buildings are our lives,
These roads our nerves,
Power lines are our veins,
Life is a building,
You plan gather materials, with many people involved then you demolish it and repeat it,


What difference does it make how much money you have when you die?
What difference does it make how many cd’s you have when you die?
What difference does it make how many cars you have when you die?
What difference does it make how big your house is when you die,
What difference does it make how many shoes or cloths you have when you die?
What difference does it make how much furniture you have when you die?
What difference does it make how much makeup you have when you die?
All that matters is love, friends, family, the good you propagate and how much you fuck up the world you live in

Swept in, breezes slept by, go by creek is dry, don’t worry your weak, nothing will top the week, now on your knees bow, with her now too, all is through that is not the view here near my dear, your now where what you say go by the boy street, watch it in the heat don’t get beat down.

You’ve come into my life like a hurricane, turned it upside down and changed my aim, you have shown me beauty in its most pure form, that which cant be seen and a past walking through life just on my own had I known where to find, I’ve looked my whole life searching to find what’s missing to find the truth in its most purest form, to be able to hold it and see it, smell it, taste it, hear it and focus upon it, but to find that all these are flawed in the experience, the only true way is to do all of these at once with a clear mind and heart, you can not hear the truth until you hear the lies, you cant tell what’s rights until you know what’s wrong, you cant tell what is real until you find what is unreal, as I lie wide awake in bed miles and miles from where you lay your head my heart aches to be by your side I just want to take that ride to be near you always for the rest of my days I will wait for how ever long I know it wont go wrong your always on my mind I know your heart to be true and kind, you’ve flown into my life from far away I thank fate for my path and every day, for all I did wrong and right matters, for every moment has lead me to this spot, a place where we could meet and share, To show how much I care, a chance to finally experience true beauty is whole, not from out to in but the purest soul, you have bought to my attention to the reality of what is and what to do, I need to know how you feel and stop spinning the wheel.

Growth comes from fear and facing them, growth is essential to life, without it we cease to evolve, without it we die, it is essential for each being, to grow or die to become stagnant is equal to death, growth is equal to life as change is central to the weather we are no different change can neither be good nor bad, but how we perceive it to be because of a huge amount of ignorance.

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12 October 2003 7:45 PM

Windswept plateau of my mind deserted sands thoughts redefined,
Every soul is separate,
Bodies dust ego desperate,
Water fills my veins,
Molecules walk blood rains,
Leaves soak in the rays,
Skin suffers eyes hazes,
Life neither comes or goes,
Spirit is eternity flower rows,
I see you floating in autumn on the breeze,
You just stay quiet no matter the disease,
Sense’s closed going through the motions,
While spirits drowning in the oceans.

The more I give to you the more I get back, I can see your pain, feel the anguish, not the same nor a wish just a heart drain.

My eyes closed can’t keep me from seeing your face,
Every chance I get never has time to chase,
When I’m with you times hand disappears in the sand,
The world goes by with you in my eye,
No cares and what ever scores dissolves,
In your arms just feels so lucky the world calms,
Every desire straight down the wire,
Nothing more I could want or need,
I’ll just follow your lead.
Times and dates, age and rates,
Mean none or little more when the boat reaches the shore,
Meanings and words only confuse,
And no one can lose,
What we really need rarely differs,
What we want swaps and changes on what they say,
Only in the present moment are we alive,
Yesterday is a dream an illusion,
Empty and tomorrow is fleeting,
I was just going through trying not to bother you,
But always trying to give what I could never thought I would,
Life is just a cloud passing by in the sky,
There is little I can say to help you along your way,
Until your esteem can grow,
Home is not governed by what we own or even who we live with,
Or by any other physical matter,
It is governed by your heart and mind it doesn’t even have to be in a building,
Or walled by bricks and wood,
Looking into your eyes I never want to hear your cries,
I can see your fears never want to see any tears,
I will get down upon my knees and cover the seven seas,
Travel any distance no matter how far, even to the furthest star,
To give you what you want and to see your face cause paradise is always the place,
Where we meet and I can touch your skin no matter the pain I’m in,
All I want to do is satisfy whatever your need even if it means that I have to bleed,
Will do anything to fulfil any desire quench the largest fire,
Cause all I need is the air your body to hold and smell of your hair,
Takes away your pain would ever walk in the rain,
To keep you safe and dry I could never lie,
What ever happens we will be together hand in hand forever,
Don’t want you to be scared or worry, no need to be sorry,
Will work it out, don’t doubt,
How can you know what you’re looking for if you’ve never had it before?
Don’t expect or draw upon a plan,
The saw will cut the man,
Left on the sill to dry,
The bill will just make you sigh,
Cease the stress live on now,
If you succeed then my head I bow,
You don’t need to know what for tomorrow,
As the waves crash against your sole,
Withered and broken you can’t fill the whole,
Even with the sun shinning wets your goal,
Do you even know yourself and how you feel,
Or are you lost at sea hanging to the keel,
Can you see the details are you going to seal,
What do you want what do you need,
Every journey one step the biggest tree one seed,
Don’t be ruled by past deeds,
Trust in yourself and believe,
And happiness you will weave,
Because the sun will never leave,
We all walk this world searching for the same thing,
Some are even asking the same questions,
But then some have already answered them,
And some don’t even know that questions exist,
When pain and discomfort arise, know that tomorrow is a new day they wont last forever and look for the positive in all the negative situations your always going to be alone on the inside,

Communication can eradicate prejudice, racism and all the hate in the world but only pure honest communication from the heart which will only occur when all our defences and the ego are dissolved to be open is how you will be free calm and happy, stop running from reality and the truth the sooner you own up to your faults the quicker you can improve on yourself and help others., the physical is by and far out weighed by the mental, a connection in the mind will last longer and have more nourishing effect than the time in physical intimacy.

We all walk alone like that rolling stone,
Priorities are tangled and misplaced,
Until one looks at ones own face,
Tis not always a mirror one needs,
But an understanding seed,
A flame if you will, to burn the defences till,
Once I thought I was so alone,
Until I picked up that phone,
To hear the voice down the line,
That I heard now I’m fine,
Holding you clears the sky,
And the dark clouds blown away riding high,
These words I write are so empty compared to how I feel,
My mind so clear with you near I don’t care the deal,
Time and place varnish with this embrace,
I know up my sleeve I have the hearts ace,
There is no drug or substitute for this emotion,
Even the notion takes away the salt in the ocean,
Never look for happiness beyond yourself,
Happiness has to be inside before it will ever be anywhere,
Don’t look for happiness with in others to improve yours; you will always be unhappy,
Vibrations of my soul, finally able to plug the hole,
Deep down I don’t want to be the clown your smile on my heart,
Has given me a new start, I just want to see your face touch your hair and lace,
Snowballing I lose control grab the wheel don’t know how to feel, I found the secret thought it was in a pill, but now I have to keep my will, can I see your soul, will you show me or just shy away and run, don’t hold back I want to be all you need thought I was done,
First you must unravel yourself before you can understand anything new,
You can never be honest to anyone or anything until your honest with yourself first,
The world wont end, every road has a bend,
Cry if you have too, but ill never leave you,
Just let it go, because before you know,
It’s done more harm than it should even if I could,
I can’t take away your pain, even just holding in the summer rain,
All I can do is ease, stop holding on to the fear please,
You have the power inside, the sun will always shine don’t hide,
Life’s to short to let that shit in; you’ll end up alone in your room sitting,
You have to understand the why, question or just wither and die,
Cause no matter what I give, you will never be able to live,
You’ll be stuck in the past, and our time will pass fast,
I want to set you free and see you fly by and smile and not have help to dial your soul will be open and no longer closed to what’s outside let me in and I will show all there is to see, let you be, you’ll see,
In your arms nothing else matters,
The stars glitter and fade,
The sun shines and skips across the sky,
The smell of your neck wafts by,
And another days gone and died,

Is man meant to be weak?
Is this what makes us human?
What is then the difference between humans and animals, animal’s live time by time sleep when tired, eat when hungry, take what they need no more no less, is this a curse, or a blessing undoubtable a blessing to know the complete truth and understand it sets you free

The whole universe is connected by energy a soul, each individual is connected life and death is the same just a circle no beginning no end, nothing can last for ever, but what is felt, anything that can be held or touched seen or heard is empty transient and can never be taken for granted this is why money cars furniture and drugs can never bring happiness the only way is to reach the soul and know the truth and be honest to yourself, its about control but still expression quality over quantity family and friends,
Success is not governed by how many dollars are in your wallet house you own, or cars you drive, but by the quality of your actions and the good you propagate, to give yourself and what you have expecting nothing in return, ENRICH YOUR MIND ENRICH YOUR LIFE.
Life is just like the wind,
Seemingly coming from nowhere,
Out of the darkness and into the light,
But how does the wind arise from nothing, it can not be produced just from empty space it is but energy just like we are but of different form, it rises and falls even sometimes sounds like a call can be harmful or put to use but like anything in nature no abuse you cant hold it in your eyes yet you can hear the cries

Any lack of thought can bring upon acts of stupidity, yet thought on its own brings no need for action,
There is only one race the human race, why must then we constantly fight, maim and kill each other how civilised is this, nothing but a circle, where we go know were
All emotions are reciprocal, if you hurt, you will be hurt, if you hate, you will be hated, if you care, you will be cared for, if you tolerate others, you will be tolerated, if you laugh, others will laugh with you, knowing this how can one be the cause of any negativity, the most precious gift you can give is time and self,
I an only cause of those who have gone before me.
Understanding and empathy go hand in hand.

I carry you with me every step I take,
Think about you with every breath,
I breathe when I see your face it turns my world around, making all the dark clouds disappear as your beauty comes shining down upon me

How do you expect to be loved when you lie?
How do expect to be rich when you steal,
How do you expect to have friends when you’re unkind?

There is nothing more painful and glorious than love

Watch the weather, drop the feather,
Let go of the pain, walk in the rain,
Relax your emotions, swim in the ocean,
Let go of the hate, life is fate,
Read a book, take a look,
Let go of the money, the world will still be sunny

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11 October 2003 4:41 AM

another morning in which I have just finished work,
“Opinions mean nothing to mean unless they branch from seeds grown from knowledge and compassion”,
“we are all the same, equal, equal in ever way, no better or worse than one another, but those who are seen as bad, are governed by there ego and contained by there ignorance, those who are good, have lost there ego, and are contained only by the universe itself”

“Once your mind is still, and your words and actions peaceful, you will be free from delusions and opposites and ready for the final step to enlightenment” Buddha

“Be wary of negativity, get yourself out of darkness which waits to trap you” Buddha

“I’ve finally found how the ego works, ruled by the bodies pulses, which begins to rule over all other thoughts, therefore there is a need to control the body and the ego, and a need to distinguish what pulses are necessary for the fulfilment of knowledge and enlightenment, now I know I am better off than those who don’t, now I just need to get there”

“As far as the enemy, people or individual person is concerned just another human being just like myself, so we should respect them and develop a sense of concern, séance of caring and compassion toward them” Tenzin Gyatso

“Learn that nothing is real, and that all living things suffer and you will be free from suffering. This is the path to enlightenment” Buddha

“One must always distance the action from the being and not label that being as bad, but that the action is bad”

This from my year of 2002, in which I was able to extend myself, but still not strengthen, which I feel will, and only will come from reflection, and an independence on a level never experienced yet, but how exciting it is to think of what the future holds, in which I know I can only grow into a better living being for the benefit of all sentiment beings, I must admit I do need another “getaway” experience, where I can sit and write in the wilderness of nothing yet everything all at once where I can be one without opposites, I know what has happened in the last 2 or 3 weeks is for the best, but it was so good at the time, and I still long for that feeling, which I find myself craving more and more, but know it will come again

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10 October 2003 1:22 AM

another night at millers and it was good to see coxy, john, Brendan, matty, guzzo, seeto, it reminded me of the old days when we used to walk the streets creating all kinds of mischief and trouble, just having a beer and playing pool, its always good to get back and catch up with those who I spent so much time with just doing stupid stuff, where will we go in the future, and where will we end up, I hope that we will all be able to stick together and keep it going, that’s what’s important to me, and should be for all that follow, and all that are, I’m still on my journey of discovery, and I know that I will find thee, where ever I go, I still have some serious bouts of depression and loneliness, which are the only things keeping me from leavening home, which would be good, but only if I have someone to be with at the time otherwise where will I be and who can I see, its my only weakness, which I believe is all of our weaknesses is that we need social contact, in particular positive contact, but I know the next few years will be of such learning experience and growth that it will certainly propel me further into that category of maturity

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3 October 2003 2:28 AM

here I am again, at the beginning, alone and fearful of what is to come, where, when and who will come with three people leaving my life, and another hopefully not on the way, but it’s the loneliness that pains my heart so, which is my biggest fear for leaving home, where I know someone else will be, even if I don’t see them, what is that I crave for so much that it leads me so deep down into the abyss that I cant see the light, and yet when I’m up I’m so blinded by what it is I need that I can no longer see and think straight, completely consumed, does it relate to a single event in my life or is it just an accumulation of my existence in this form, there is nothing more I care for than this blinding light which completely dissolves all other worries, as nothing else seems to matter, I know it will rise again, and all I can do is “be merry, fate comes when it will”, my karma will bring and take what it is I truly need and not need, what will make me stronger and what will weaken me, I still wonder why it is that I need this light so bad, especially since I know it is not a necessity, to life, but maybe it is, if life can no longer be enjoyed, but I will carry on once again in search for that next piece of the puzzle, is it the same for others, I can only assume and hope that there is someone out there who feels the same, some one that fit’s the puzzle like a glove, who and where are you……………………………….......

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2 October 2003 2:36 PM

why is the world so blind, and engrossed in such denial that we don’t see the clear and present truth in every second that passes.

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30 September 2003 12:48 AM

Another chapter closed, for the best with lessons learned and experiences experienced, an integral part of human existence, emotions, with out them we are unable to function in this world, and yet they cause such difficulties, and pain, but with pain comes happiness, and hopefully something learned. For the whole time I had doubts and new that in the back of my mind it just wouldn’t work, and yet I still lied and denied the facts and for what, when you give everything of yourself to another what is true and what is false, for you cant have one without the other, but they seem so close and related that how can you distinguish them enough, which is which, its worth reading that book again, even though you know how its going to end you still just want to take the ride just for the heck of it, cause its always more exciting when there is someone else to laugh along with, and a lot easier to deal with when there is someone beside you, ultimately we are all striving for the same timeless emptiness which funny enough can only be filled by one self, satisfaction, no matter who comes along, what happens who dies and who lives, each events repercussions are entirely up to the individuals own experience which could be good or bad, and time only exists because of human endeavour which can lead to the most amazing achievements of joy and happiness or such destruction and pain. Who can say what is right or wrong, in a state of such confusion with many emotions consuming my flesh why didn’t the train come earlier, or why did I keep lying to myself, what is it that I’m looking for, how do you know what you need when you don’t even know what is needed, what heals what one cannot describe or diagnose

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