DAMN ITS A CRYING SHAME

Johnny Diesel Lyrics - Cry In Shame Lyrics

Pickin' up the pieces

Up off the floor

How was I to know

There was gonna be a war

Words of sorrow

Words of spite

Ringin' in my head

Right through the night

Don't you know it's a cryin' shame

When you've got yourself to blame

Don't you know it's a cryin' shame

Ohhhhhhhh

Woke up this mornin'

It's a rainin' again

Startin' to wonder

If it's somethin' I said

Words of sorrow

Words of spite

Ringin' in my head

Right through the night

Don't you know it's a cryin' shame

When you've got yourself to blame

Don't you know it's a cryin' shame

You've got yourself to blame

Cry cry cry cryin' shame

Cry cry cry

Cry cry cry cryin' shame

Cry cry cryin' shame

Up all night

With a conscience fight

Just can't sleep

So I put on the light

The sheets are wet

With anxiety sweat

Mornin's gonna come

But it ain't here yet

Chorus

GOD

God, it’s a very interesting subject to talk about, certainly one I don’t suggest at a party, but its seems to drive many people to do such heinous and even in the very next moment, beautiful acts in this world. Does it really matter if god exists or not, we certainly know that we have our “own free will”, and if you believe in god do also believe in destiny, or fate, how could an all loving either to yourself or others around you. If ever are able to reach a point where you are able to experience god, you will be able to realize that there is no such thing as duality in life, there is no light/dark, no life/death, animal/vegetable, good/bad, rich/poor, strong/weak, and that all life and matter is just particles relating and interacting with each other, governed by a divine love, as Jesus said love thy enemy, which means have no enemy and you will love all equally, and you will reach a state where nothing truly matters, because if you truly lobeing allow such harm come to his/her children, and why would he/she have to be feared as the bible so adamantly states. A god should not be feared, but what should be feared are the repercussions of your own actions. Its also clear that people who have experienced god, reach a point where they realize that what ever they do is really of no importance, because he/ she already knows what we are going to do next. I’d like to think of god as more of a conscience energy force that not only binds all life and all matter of existence together, but also rules what we do tomorrow, which in essence could be called karma, and represented by the ying-yang, which can be influenced by what you do now. This can be labeled as good/bad depending upon the suffering you bring down upon this world ve somebody, without the ego, that love will begin to extend to all beings, and that no matter what they do, or how badly they think they can harm you, you will never ever become upset, angry or harmed, and regardless of what they do you will always forgive them and love them the same as any being in this world, if someone you loved in the past has hurt you, then you did not truly love them without the ego, there was a part of you that was attached to that person, or that moment, or the feeling they gave you, and when they hurt you, you felt betrayed, in some way and you became selfish only thinking about yourself. Love is used today to easily, thrown around like a ball in the back yard, very few people ever experience true love, and those who have ever experience love at first site, are not experiencing it at all for the first time, but that there was a connection from a previous life, and your attachment has bought you together again.

May there be peace in this world and throughout the entire universe

May all beings be happy, healthy and free from suffering

KARMA

"Karma is a sum of all that an individual has done, is currently doing and will do"

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Karma

Many people seem to have an incorrect understanding of karma, which actually only means "action", there is no such thing as good/bad karma, this is only an attribute of the mind which has to label everything it experiences, which allows it to deal with its environment, and will only label things as such depending upon the immediate suffering it experiences. Karma is only the action of balance throughout the universe and for all time. The action of karma exists because all things in the world need to exist in a state of equilibrium, otherwise, without balance all life would end up extinct. It goes beyond life and death, because these are only states of the mind, karma keeps the balance of life, and is the result of cause and effect, which is the law that all things/action can only exist because of something that existed before. Everyone is in control of their own karma, and cannot affect the karma of others, regardless of what you do in life you will be made responsible sooner or later, there is no escape, and the universe relies upon this equilibrium for its survival.

AJAHN CHAH

From the Great Ajahn Chah
"When one does not understand death, life can be very confusing."

"The Dhamma has to be found by looking into your own heart and seeing that which is true and that which is not, that which is balanced and that which is not balanced."

"Only one book is worth reading: the heart."

"Don’t think that only sitting with the eyes closed is practice. If you do think this way, then quickly change your thinking. Steady practice is keeping mindful in every posture, whether sitting, walking, standing or lying down. When coming out of sitting, don’t think that you’re coming out of meditation, but that you are only changing postures. If you reflect in this way, you will have peace. Wherever you are, you will have this attitude of practice with you constantly. You will have a steady awareness within yourself."

"When sitting in meditation, say, “That’s not my business!” with every thought that comes by."

"The heart of the path is quite easy. There’s no need to explain anything at length. Let go of love and hate and let things be. That’s all that I do in my own practice."

"We practice to learn how to let go, not how to increase our holding on to things. Enlightenment appears when you stop wanting anything."

"If you let go a little, you will have a little peace. If you let go a lot, you will have a lot of peace. If you let go completely, you will have complete peace."

"You are your own teacher. Looking for teachers can’t solve your own doubts. Investigate yourself to find the truth - inside, not outside. Knowing yourself is most important."

"Try to be mindful and let things take their natural course. Then your mind will become still in any surroundings, like a clear forest pool. All kinds of wonderful, rare animals will come to drink at the pool, and you will clearly see the nature of all things. You will see many strange and wonderful things come and go, but you will be still. This is the happiness of the Buddha."

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ajahn_Chah

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MEDITATION

Meditation is the only practice with which our species will be able to make the next step in our evolution. Our kind has become a disease upon this planet, as we are no longer kept at bay by environmental or predatory factors. Regardless of what religion or faith you follow, what country you live in, how rich or poor you are, no matter how smart you are or not, regardless of what you think is right or wrong, all I suggest to do is just try it, meditation is the only method by which we will be able to attain a greater knowledge of this world, and more importantly our own minds which control us. Most of the philosophies we follow today are thousands of years old, and yet we are still stuck in the same mentality far older, and our behavior is becoming more and more aggressive, never have more people died by war and violence than at any other time in the era of our genus. It’s also a shame that drugs have become such a problem in our society, what is it about us that we have come to rely upon them so much, what is lacking in our mentality today. Do we lack the ability to talk to people, is it the fact that we have to much time to think as so much is done for us, and everyone is so obsessed with buying the newest, quickest gadget, or are we finding the stresses of life too hard, what is it that drives people to addiction, does it heal the pain for a few hours, does it numb the body, what ever the reason, the only way you can deal with the situation is to deal with it by meditating, and by avoiding it, you only give it more energy and power to control you, does it arise from a fear of your final demise, is the realization of your own death what drives you to escape, what ever you use, drugs, power, anger, sport, to suppress the pain, will never satisfy. Meditation is the only key to your own mind, and it may not fix all of your problems, but for the first time you will be able to see clearly what the root cause of your fear is, and then from there you will be able to deal with the cause, and finally be able to discover a solution. When I first heard of the practice I was very skeptical, coming from a scientific background studying biology and psychology at university for years, I had never heard of any evidence to backup the evidence I had been given. Until one day when I realized the practice was so easy to begin and understand, a very old practice, available to anyone (many free seminars), and had been used by many great people through out history, Buddha, Jesus, Confucius, Gandhi, Dalai lama, (named in biographical order) how could so many great people be wrong, and since moment i first tried it, I have never looked back, it will clear your mind, and help you to not only understand your own mind but others around you, you will also become more relaxed and be able to deal with many difficult situations far easier, you will not regret the practice, though i admit it can become diffucult without a teacher, dont hold back, reach for the skies and you will never walk alone again

FALLING

I’m falling faster than usual,

am I dreaming again have I died,
If I wake up will I see you lying by my side,
My heart just wont stop bleeding,

I should never have left you alone,
The pictures won’t heal the tears,

will you answer the phone,
No matter how much I breathe,

No matter how much I drink,
I want to just keep running,

and running and not think,
The distance between you and I,

has never been further I swear it’s a sin,
Hope is all I have and it’s running thin,
The next few months are going,

to feel like a million winters,
And it’s tearing my mind,

into a billion splinters,
I’m stuck in a place,

without you and it’s my own fault,
I was foolish in the past,

to keep the truth locked in a vault,
I know these tears wont change anything,

but I’ve got to let them out,
Now I’m paying the price, my life is in doubt,
What will take away this pain that know one can see,
Could you understand,

what I would give you to be with me,
Everyone I see seems to look just like you,

smell just like you, and walk just like you,
I just can’t escape your face even,

when I close my eyes its all in my view,
Down on my knees my hearts,

pounding so loud can you hear,
Nothing else matters when you’re near,
My whole body fills with pain,
I’m breaking down again,
I can’t even get up to walk,

and I haven’t eaten for days,
Each breath I take leaves me dazed,
To see your face again is all that will do,
Just to see you,

and tell you how much I love you.

CHANGE

Change, change, change, we seem so set on preventing it, though inevitable, and very, very necessary, our species depends upon it, and it has been crucial for our survival, and is essential for the next step we must take in the evolution of our own consciousness, everything in this world is in a constant state of flux, and everything is impermanent, and yet we attempt to do everything in our power to prevent it, and our attachment to our surroundings, our bodies, our senses, our own mind, other people, is the cause of so much suffering, no matter where you are now it wont last, no matter how bad your day has been it wont last, no matter how happy you are at work it wont last, no matter how healthy you are it wont last, no matter how many friends you have it wont last, no matter how much you own it wont last, no matter how clean or new something is it wont last, and for anyone to wish for anything to not change is only going to suffer in the future, change is ever-present and all-encompassing, its not so much change, but that there is nothing that is without change, for nothing is static or stationary, eveything in existance does so at its own vibrational level, as atoms and its components are randomly swerving constantly, what is born will die, all forms are impermant and unsatisfactory, dont forget, or ever become deluded, everything from moment to moment is changing and in its form it is also empty, and no matter how much you wish or hope for something to not change, it WILL NOT AND NEVER WILL IT LAST FOREVER. Our own bodies are a good example, we dont even have that much control over them, composed of nothing more than chemicals and atoms, (mainly water), that have arisen from the earth that is millions of years old, and constantly in a state of flux, dying each day and being born again each day, do not become attacthed to it, let it go and realise your existance does not depend upon its survival

MY ETERNAL SEARCH

Excerpt From the movie "the matrix"
Morpheus : What _is_ real? How do you _define_ real? If you're
talking about what you can feel, what you can smell, what
you can taste and see, then real is simply electrical
signals interpreted by your brain.

Don’t follow what you don’t understand and question it until you do, your dreams only survive only for as long as your hope does, as a dream can go down two paths dust or diamond, concentration and energy are all that stand between what ever you want and mediocrity or a happiness that is far beyond you know, I want people to rebel against what they don’t understand until they do, especially controlling ones, the point of government was never to rule or conquer, and there are many who should be ashamed of themselves, not only for how they treat other countries but there own people, the purpose of government has always and should always be to serve the people that have elected them, no law should be passed without counsel, the people are the who have the power, yet they don’t realize it, police and government only have power for as long as the people allow it.


Not only have I been searching for the truth but for others also on the path of truth, for some reason I still need too feel that there are others searching, also importantly for advice and discussion, and to learn of their experiences, for our species to evolve communication, with out ego is a must, though so many around me don’t understand and seem content to have found there place in the great big system, happy to be just another cog in the machine and they don’t question why, though I admit it is very subjective but the why has always been a struggle. I dream of a world where my children only have to read about war in their history books at school and not on the front page of the newspaper or see it on the TV each day, is this foolish of me, or is it mans destiny to destroy himself, is it inevitable, of course I know its not I will never believe such a notion, this is what I must fight and rebel against each day, with the small battles which go on inside my own mind, to conquer my own mind is far more difficult to do than any country or piece of land I could never hope to control, I hope that all people are trying to unplug and we can then link up to each other thought the source of our existence and of all life and to evolve to a place where we no longer fear anything and realize what a waste of energy it has been killing each other for no reason other than our own precious little ego, sometimes I’m embarrassed to be part of this race with the amount of destruction we have caused to this planet and all the beings that exist with in it, dead or alive, small or large, seen and unseen there is an underlying essence that binds all life together, and you only ever have to get a glimpse of it, and you will realize just as I have how foolish we can be and will continue to be until we are able to free ourselves of this controlling mind/ego and for the first time make a real choice with what will truly be with our own free will, and is form from a place of divine love and energy

LIFE IS SUFFERING

How could you believe that ignorance is bliss, this is for those who are still afraid or don’t understand I have been on the path of truth my whole life (with many wrong turns and dead ends) and would not change a thing there has been suffering on all sides, i have even been the cause of other peoples suffering, which causes me more pain than anything else, which is why I have chosen the path I now walk. To help free those who wish to be free and to challenge the very ground they walk upon if only all, could see the truth that is far beyond anything man made and ease the suffering of those I can. I know there are some countries whose governments wish to do the opposite and continue to blind and enslave there own people my heart truly goes out to them, though i know it will not last long information surrounds us today more than ever and it will set the people free soon and those in power will loose everything but that which they never had in the first place I think I’m more afraid that people don’t care anymore about the world they live in they have become complacent they no longer have to search for food or make there own cloths they just wake each morning in go to work come home eat dinner watch TV and then go to bed and wake up the next day and do it all again they don’t investigate the life around them, I know many people of my generation don’t even understand what the main political parties ideas are or what they will do for the country thou I do admit most are nothing but puppets of a scared society desperately trying to hold to their false sense of control and safety.

I’ve also become very tired of listening to westerns who have nothing better to do but whine and constantly complain about how hard there life is, PLEASE SHUT UP, I guarantee there are over a billion people in Asia, Africa and other parts of the world who have suffered, and are continuing to suffer atrocities far worse than many westerns could ever mange to envisage, I wish they would just grow up sometimes, discover the reality of this world and finally leave there tiny minds and travel to another country where clean water, medicine, and food are not found in the corner store, where people still live in sheds, huts if they are lucky, in conditions that they wouldn’t even let there pets sleep in. Complaining about how hard they have to work in their nice clean neighborhoods, unlike the many people who struggle to survive each day, why don’t you swap for a week and see how you would survive. Complaining about not having a big enough TV, or argue about which celebrity looks "ugly" in that dress, inside there house with a garden and a fence around it, with a supermarket nearby and a school a short drive away in there car, its not as though people aren’t fighting for food, medicine, there homes, clean water, and even there own lives and of the ones they care about the most, love thy neighbor, love thy enemy, love thy self, love all beings and may all attain inner peace and ease

FREE WILL, GOOD LUCK

excerpt from "Waking life"
Take the problem of free will. This problem's been around for a long time, since before Aristotle in B.C. St. Augustine, St. Thomas Aquinas, these guys all worried about how we can be free...if God already knows in advance everything you're gonna do. Nowadays we know that the world operates according to some fundamental physical laws, and these laws govern the behavior of every object in the world. Now, these laws, because they're so trustworthy, they enable incredible technological achievements. But look at yourself. We're just physical systems too. We're just complex arrangements of carbon molecules. We're mostly water, and our behavior isn't gonna be an exception to basic physical laws. So it starts to look like whether it's God setting things up in advance...and knowing everything you're gonna do... or whether it's these basic physical laws governing everything. There's not a lot of room left for freedom. So now you might be tempted to just ignore the question, ignore the mystery of free will. Say, "Oh, well, it's just an historical anecdote. It's sophomoric. It's a question with no answer. Just forget about it." But the question keeps staring you right in the face. You think about individuality, for example, who you are. Who you are is mostly a matter of the free choices that you make. Or take responsibility. You can only be held responsible, you can only be found guilty or admired or respected...for things you did of your own free will. The question keeps coming back, and we don't really have a solution to it. It starts to look like all your decisions are really just a charade. Think about how it happens. There's some electrical activity in your brain. Your neurons fire. They send a signal down into your nervous system. It passes along down into your muscle fibers. They twitch. You might, say, reach out your arm. Looks like it's a free action on your part, but every one of those-- every part of that process...is actually governed by physical law: chemical laws, electrical laws and so on. So now it just looks like the Big Bang set up the initial conditions, and the whole rest of our history, the whole rest of human history and even before, is really just sort of the playing out of subatomic particles...according to these basic fundamental physical laws. We think we’re special. We think we have some kind of special dignity, but that now comes under threat. I mean, that's really challenged by this picture. So you might be saying, "Well, wait a minute. What about quantum mechanics? "I know enough contemporary physical theory to know it's not really like that. "It's really a probabilistic theory. There's room. It's loose. It's not deterministic." And that's gonna enable us to understand free will. But if you look at the details, it's not really gonna help...because what happens is you have some very small quantum particles, and their behavior is apparently a bit random. They swerve. Their behavior is absurd in the sense that it's unpredictable...and we can't understand it based on anything that came before. It just does something out of the blue, according to a probabilistic framework. But is that gonna help with freedom? Should our freedom just be a matter of probabilities, just some random swerving in a chaotic system? That just seems like it's worse. I'd rather be a gear...in a big deterministic, physical machine...than just some random swerving. So we can't just ignore the problem. We have to find room in our contemporary world view for persons, with all that that it entails; not just bodies, but persons. And that means trying to solve the problem of freedom, finding room for choice and responsibility...and trying to understand individuality.

(I'd rather be random swerving than a cog)

PRIDE IS THE SIGN OF A FOOLISH MAN

Please can we just let it go I'm tired of holding onto this pain for so long I just got to let it out, shout it out to the world that already knows were suffering but for how long will your pride hold onto what wasn’t your fault you’ve just got to let it go you’ve just got to let it out I was so stupid in the past but I'm trying to move on but you got to let it go you got to let it out I know I wont forget but that’s only so I know what I did wrong but I've moved on you got to do the same I know you want to look back and see ,y face hoping for the words but they’ll never come we got to move on I know it hurts but soon you’ll be in a better place I know in my heart you’ll always be there but I want to see you fly I want to see you let it all go and look inside to what you already have its all you’ll ever need don’t be fooled by everything around you because there just as lost looking for an answer they already know but cant let it go don’t wait to long I know in your eyes your still hoping but your body is telling you to keep going you’ve got to keep going don’t stop now we’ve come so far

CONSUMERS

Excerp from movie "Fight Club"
INT. LOU'S TAVERN - SAME
Jack and Tyler sit in the back, with a pitcher of beer.

TYLER You know man, could be worse. A woman could cut off your penis while you're sleeping and toss it out the window of a moving car.

JACK There's always that. I don't know, it's just...when you buy furniture, you tell yourself: that's it, that's the last sofa I'm gonna need. No matter what else happens, I've got that sofa problem handled. I had it all. I had a stereo that was very decent, a wardrobe that was getting very respectable. I was so close to being complete.

TYLER Shit, man, now it's all gone.

JACK All gone.

TYLER Do you know what a duvet it?

JACK Comforter.

TYLER It's a blanket, just a blanket. Now why guys like you and I know what a duvet is? Is this essential to our survival? In the hunter-gathered sense of the word? No. What are we then?

JACK You know, consumers.

TYLER Right. We're consumers. We're by-products of a lifestyle obsession. Murder, crime, poverty -- these things don't concern me. What concerns me is celebrity magazines, television with five hundred channels, some guy's name on my underwear. Rogaine, Viagra, Olestra.

JACK Martha Stewart.

TYLER Fuck Martha Stewart. Martha's polishes on the brass of the Titanic. It's all going down, man! So fuck off, with your sofa units and your green stripe patterns. I say never be complete. I say stop being perfect. I say let's evolve and let the chips fall where they may. But that's me, I could be wrong, maybe it's a terrible tragedy.

JACK No, it's just stuff.

TYLER Well, you did lose a lot of versatile solutions for a modern life.

JACK Fuck, you're right.

Tyler offers Jack a cigarette.

JACK No, I don't smoke. My insurance will probably cover it, so... Tyler stares at him

JACK What?

TYLER The things you own, end up owing you. But do what you like, man.

I HOPE YOUR PAIN WONT LAST

I never thought it would come to this,
I never thought your pride was so strong,
But you gotta let it go, Before you hurt someone else
Before you forget the reason why,

How long will it take
How long can you wait
I hope your pain wont last forever
I hope you can smile soon

So many don’t understand, and for so long I thought it was a curse,
But now I can see that I’ve been blessed,
And now I can see even clearer than I have ever before
Its been so long, and I never felt sorry or afraid,


I’ve had my own battles to fight, having lost more than I had wanted,
Thou I see there are no winners when both are fighting,
And what I had once wanted has disappeared into thin air,
The lesson I’ve learned is to trust your heart.

No longer do we have faith anymore, only what we see,
I had to learn how to see the truth without my eyes
Open up my heart to the world around me
That I had shut out for so long

It was a love that I couldn’t keep, that I didn’t understand,
That woke me from the spell of the storm
Now I’ve found it again, I don’t want to loose the universe,
I don’t wont to loose the only thing I care about

The tracks had to be cleared and found
Speeding down into the future with a heart that’s no longer bound,
I finally feel free, having found my wheels,
Let me go and I’ll show you how it feels


Later on in the day 15:36
Stages of dealing with death
Denial
Anger
Bargaining
Depression
Acceptance

The whole point of life was never to get married in the first place, so just let it go, your identity doesnt rely upon ANYONE ELSE, it only hurts because you wont let it go and you have spent so much energy time and money on creating a world that was never going to last, do you think the world stops because two people have lost something they never had any way, it was also never meant to gain gold or cloths, large homes or fast cars, but to gain a knowledge of the universe, of your own mind, and then why do you think that you exist just now because you have gotten married, just because you spend so much of your lives together they are still two completely separate lives, with their own destines and energies, and purposes.
The moment we drop our fears and love ourselves and each other the sooner we can make that next step in evolution and leave all this suffering and the moment we stop blaming others and the world for our suffering the better the only person to blame is the one blaming, why don’t we actually look inside ourselves, our own mind and bodies, don’t be fooled happiness and ever lasting life already exist beyond our dreams and all you have to do is let go.
Don’t be a slave to society just because some one tells you so don’t believe them listen to your heart, most of our suffering has arisen out of fear, were afraid people wont like us or they’ll laugh at us, who cares nothing really matters only through the lack of fear and an "egoless love" can we know our true selves and then love will shine through you automatically, the most important tool in the world and yet most of us never even try to train it is our own mind, what good is it that we can fly to the moon yet we cant even feed our own children we spend more money on entertainment than we do helping each other, its really sad to see how much suffering there is in the world that can be eased so easily, but people would rather see how fast they can make a car go round and round, or how far they can hit or kick a ball.

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PURPOSE

without fate/destiny there is no purpose without purpose there is nothing, for everything there is a reason for existance, without cause and effect nothing can exist, everything is born from something that already exists

"We fear things in proportion to our ignorance of them” Livy –Roman historian 64 or 59 bc- 17 ad

OPEN THE DOOR

Another day without sleep, and with the heat my heart weeps,
I’m not quite sure, but something opened up the door,
You dropped into my heart, no chance to start,
No doctor could resuscitate in time, nor could I ever climb,
Nothing worse than when all you know, is to wait for the seeds to sow,
I just wanna be close, pick a rose,
I just wanna see you smiling, tired of dialling
I just wanna know what your feeling, just your picture is still healing,

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WHAT ABOUT TOMORROW

it would be interesting if could jump 20 years into the future and see what happens, the last couple of the years I’ve been wandering what it was that i’m going to be doing the next year, for most of my life always had school to go to, but now after my trip I have finally found something I’m willing to strive before, something I can focus upon to better the world and in the same process my own life, never did I want anything until she fell upon my path, something I could never have planned not even Nostradamus could have predicted that this would happen, in fact he probably could have but maybe not me specifically, now all the pieces are falling into place as my time is here to be reigned upon, to fertilise the ground and watch the mountains part, ha ha ha, only in my own lunch box, but it would be nice to see how things pan out, I guess if you expect everything to change, you will never be disappointed

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RELY ON NOBODY

in the end all we really have is ourself, to rely on, who else is going to be there when its all over, aren’t going to have any parents, no lover, no teacher, no musicians, no children, no politicians, so don’t waste ya time chasing what ya aren’t ever going to catch, you know you don’t need the shit anyway, so keep it real, and do what ya have to, to survive, you’ll be lucky if you can do that, because all you wanna do is chase what every one else’s is, yet your all blind chasing what every one else is yet nobody knows who is running in the lead, your all just running in circles if you just took a second to stop and smell the roses you find a friend in yourself, and realize that it all isn’t that,

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DOUBT, WHAT DOUBT

can one ever get rid of doubt or is that an ever growing part of the mind as we age, for when we are young we never doubt anything, but maybe as we grow older and experience more we realise that there is no sure thing, and that really anything can happen and does, so maybe then as we get older we need to open our mind up to the possibility that more things will go wrong as we try to control everything, is that what doubt is, the fact that as we get older we try to control more and more what we cant, and deep down we know that, so why keep running, why keep trying to control everything. This week as been good, meeting min park, and getting some teaching organised, and realising how much better it has been not being with the parents, i’m free to do anything but doing nothing at all, that’s more appealing to me as I did what I wanted before any way, its just I copped the crap for it afterward but now there’s no one and the standards of living have changed, as in terms of what is to be expected, its going to be hot today, but at least it’s the last day of the week so I can relax tomorrow which is always my favourite, life at the moment is going along quite comfortably, not to many hassles and no dramas, just kicking back saving and working and a little bit of drinking, not the greatest for achieving but more of a platform to achieve at a latter date, like a seed ready to hatch or a bird ready to fly, first the prep work then sizing up the situation, which could be a little more than I had expected but that always seems to be the case for me so it will certainly be a challenge, hopefully the start of helping those who wouldn’t get the chance otherwise, and its not like something that I don’t know, I’ve been doing it for a while now,

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WHAT CHARM

Aries “ if you want to mount a battle don’t mount a campaign of pressure, launch a charm offensive. A well chosen word, whispered seductively in the right ear at the right moment, is more influential than a long speech, delivered at full volume through an enormous loud speaker. You may feel that you shouldn’t have to be nice in order to bring about a result that is right. If you care enough about the outcome, though, you will go beyond your sense of annoyance, and will simply pursue the most positive, practical route to success.”

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DONT FREAK, JUST RELAX

I’ve been thinking lately of how lucky I’ve been over the last few months but then I don’t believe in luck, everything comes down to karma which usually freaks people out or they just don’t want to deal with it because it means they aren’t in control of their future but then you never can because everything in the universe is governed by specific laws of the past, chemistry and physics and that everything has to exist in an equilibrium so of course you are in control but also limited by what you have done in the past but then karma only means action and its judgment is laid upon it by humans and their limited perception of time and space because so many times when something bad has happened down the track you realise its been a blessing but then if you take it further the closer to the eternal source of life there is no such thing as man animal or mineral because they are all just physical entities of the earth and the stars and are governed by the physical properties of those elements which are made up largely of space as the electrons are constantly in random movement which is why everything consists of more of space or emptiness than anything else and they are in constant motion regardless of its physical form whether a rock tree or human all we are, are masses of emptiness in constant motion so you realise our goal has nothing to do with this world at all but the basic state of all life which is energy and consciousness to return to the basic form which can not be labelled because it can not be known by the mind but to just be where there are no men or women, animals or even fear because there all manifestations of the ego the ego only knows things about something but not its natural state because it would be destroyed and become purposeless because it would realise that the state above is exponentially more blissful than anything it could create and that basically nothing really matters the more you own the more it owns and controls you and your life as you start having to live to work and continue buying crap you don’t need instead of just working to live, if people realised that they didn’t need it and that it doesn’t define them there would be no rich or poor and the whole world economy would collapse we are not human we can never be rich or poor because they are judgements based upon particles that will last for billions of years in constant motion do you ever think what it takes to meet someone new or change those who are in your life regardless of whether you want to judge an event in your life by good or bad which in essence is only based upon how much suffering it brings to you or those around you, because they don’t exist also because our judgments are not universal what one person may see as good another person standing next in line might see it as the most horrific event of their life when in essence they are both unaware of workings of the universe, as the happiest moments in your life can only exist because of some one else’s suffering, for something good to happen in your life some is suffering, and vice versa when something bad happens in your life some one else benefits and sees the event as positive, molecules are constantly flying through the air and interacting with our own bodies and everything else around us, do you think they care of old age or death so why then when grouped in a large mass and called human should it make a difference we can barely control the workings of our own bodies, breathing, heart beat disease old age, temperature, what makes us think we can control the future the only freedom there is as Ajahn Brahm puts it is that the only true freedom is, freedom from desires and not its opposite which our society tries to sell us at every step of our life and that’s freedom of desire, as where constantly bombarded with media trying imprint onto our psyche only one will lead to any happiness or fulfilment the other is just like giving a bone to a dog he can chew on it for as long as he likes but will always remain hungry and all we have to do is let go, its only when we have lost everything can we be free.

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LET IT RAIN

All I can see is my dreams coming true, I will do everything I have to,
So many people are saying your going to fail, that its going to rain and even hail,
I wont listen to what people tell me I cant do, I know already I can do anything I want to, I know you all have your own fears, that’s why you’ve stayed the same all these years,
I won’t let them bring me down, you all still have time to …..town,
Its all in your own belief, nothing is over till its over but you have turn your own leaf,
My life’s been nothing but luck lying under the rock stuck, as a window smashed as a door was locked,
Sometimes its not easy to see the way, cant even trust what my I own head is saying,
my minds running so fast I cant even see, thou I can feel people praying for me,


I know everything will be okay,
I know everything is up to me,
it doesn’t matter what they say
it doesn’t matter you’ll see


all I can see is the rainbow finally rising in the sky, there have been times I wanted to die its been so dark for so long, I never knew what I wanted that I was always wrong,
trying something new everyday, all I could see was the clouds above so grey,
I had to leave and see some new places, and find some new faces,
All I found is that love is all we need, to love your enemies would destroy the weeds,
that grow in our minds for every body would be family, why is it so hard for everybody, to see it’s the only way we are going to live, so much easier to love and forgive
because an eye for an eye will turn the whole world blind, so don’t just burn
don’t take what you cant replace, and to give love wont cost you any race,
its taken so long for times to change, so hard for our elders to give up there range,
we cant give up now, lets just love one another, we’ve gotta make a vow,
true love doesn’t know anger or hate, could never take or destroy, lets just clear the slate.

All I want to do is close my eyes, and just have you there by side when I open them again, I’ve never longed for so little before in my life, having taken so long to find you and what the plans for me were, just a touch upon your face, or the smell of your neck as I hold you close, to really the best things in life are free, and that they are so simple, I never want to let you go, the time we have spent apart has taken all my energy to just keep on breathing, I’ve never had to work so hard at just living, all my dream involve making yours come true, I just wanna know if your heart is real, I just wanna know its what I feel, you don’t have to worry where I’ll be, doesn’t matter how far I travel or who I see, my heart will only belong to you, I don’t wont you to think so much I



just open your hearts and see that all life, survives on the edge of a knife,
a balance that all life depends on no matter how far you can see, a tree or a star,
all life is after happiness, I wish that all can see before its to late, I wish that they all see that so much doesn’t mean anything, if you could see the truth of the universe you wouldn’t care about anything but the life and love that surrounds us all no matter where we are or how we feel,

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WHATS SECOND

Only thru fear, will one gain fear,
With thought all you will gain is desire,
Only thru no thought, will you abandon desire
Emptiness makes the world,
Only through the lack of desire can one taste freedom, don’t allow anyone to tell you what you can do or not, except for the obvious grievous bodily harm, this is what will limit you, and don’t settle for second best, since when has that been any ones dream, but to gain “success” in your goal, in you must be honest and true to all that is, because if you don’t listen to the winds of ignorance, than you have to trust yourself and truly know what you can actually do, and your strengths, no one is good at everything, in fact everyone is very average at almost everything, it’s the special gifts we posses that set us apart, so don’t try to be good at everything, its not important, what’s important is to know what you are good, and finding those who are good at what you are not, and to know when to give, and when to take, when to burn, and when to freeze, when to fly and when to sink, fire can not beat fire, and water can not beat water, this is balance, and the way of all things, you must become a drop of water, as it is released from the cloud it is upon it own for the first time, and it can see the world, and endures its own experiences, until the next moment when it lands upon the ocean and becomes one with it eternal soul, it returns to where it came from, water always returns back to the ocean one day. And it will always find a path back home.

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SPACE, AVOID, PEOPLE

59 excerpts from “Lao-tzu’s Taoteching” Redpine translation
Verse 11
“thirty spokes converge on a hub
but it’s the emptiness
that makes a wheel work
pots are fashioned from clay
but it’s the hollow
that makes a pot work
windows and doors are carved for a house
but it’s the spaces
that make a house work
existence makes something useful
but nonexistance makes it work” pg 22

verse 29
“trying to govern the world with force
I see this is not succeeding
The world is a spiritual thing
It cant be forced
To force it is to harm it
To control it is to lose it
Sometimes things lead
Sometimes they follow
Sometimes blow hot
Sometimes blows cold
Sometimes expand
Sometimes collapse
Therefore the sage avoids extremes
Avoids extravagance
Avoids excess.” Pg 58


Verse 49
“the sage has no mind of his own
his mind is the mind of the people
to the good he is good
to the bad he is good
until they become good
to the true he is true
to the false he is true
until they become true
in the world the sage withdraws
with others he merges his mind
people open their ears and eyes
the sage covers them up.” Pg 98

“empty your body and mind. No one can fight against nothing.”
Kumarajiva


Confucius asked Tzu-kung, “do yo think I learn in order to increase my knowledge? Tzu-kung answered, “well don’t you” Confucius said, “no, I seek one thing that ties everything together” lunyu:15.2

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MY OWN JAIL

All I can remember when I got back was that I never wanted to be here again, even after all I had been through, I still wanted to stay and now all I want to do is go back to where I felt like home, maybe it was because I was a farang but who knows I’ll find out soon.
What’s right and wrong is beyond heaven and earth and love is what binds all things together you can call it what you like god or energy but neither are in control, yet each have an individual path and none of them exist without emptiness which is necessary for the existence of all things, light cant travel, and love can not be expressed or received, if you are to believe in one thing in this world it is love, it must be love that is beyond ego and beyond any physical attraction it must be stripped of all labels like the bark of a tree, for all things are done in its name, but the problem arises because of the ego and it not being shared by all, cause so many don’t know what love truly is, its beyond religion, beyond borders, beyond sickness and health, beyond life and death, beyond government, beyond education, beyond this earth and its existed forever, and will go on, there are many paths to it and they all begin the day were born, some get distracted with work and some with money, some with fame and family, some fear and drugs, but one day all life will return back to where it came from all that is dark will become light and vice versa, there is nothing to fear because nothing is real except the love that binds all that exists, which has always been and always will be just because we have different labels for everything doesn’t mean its separate from our own being, the world, the universe and everything that exists must exist in a state of equilibrium for nature of man, love and hate cant exist for all that exists is in a state of duality, with out it, it cannot exist so when one side becomes stronger or weaker lighter or darker the opposite will step in to even out the other side, as in the ying and yang, for there to be love there must be hate for there to be peace there must be war, when one grows strong its opposite will take over, soon the rich will far out number the poor, thereby eliminating rich and poor.

Soon the sun will be gone and I’ll be alone again to dream and wonder what tomorrow will bring, I listen to the birds sing and they tell me of better times ahead, in trying to find what I cant see, but I know how it feels, I await like a bee and its flower, the rose and the rain, I need to find how to, make the pain disappear it seems that no matter what I hear I can not rest until I see and feel what I know is real I need to let go of my empty fears and doubts and care not to make tomorrow better but grow into the now, and set what I need to do, for tomorrow is not promised today, there is no point in only doing, what others say but to keep honest to your own self, destiny will see you through if only you don’t cheat and steal, there is more to this world that what one can see and understand but that doesn’t mean that happiness is far away its already inside of us if only you can understand a little of this plane you will never have to worry, everything will be alright in the end, as everything must come and go but is never lost if you love all that is for all that is, love no matter what it is you do like a piece of a puzzle or a brick in the wall each is as important as the last and as strong as the next.

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THE EMOTIONAL EDGE

I wonder if that when you get weak that you become more sensitive to your surroundings, or is it something else that brings you closer to that edge of emotion

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MY PERSONAL LEGEND

Alchemist – Paulo Coelho
“I’m the king of Salem,” The old man had said.
“Why would a king be talking with a shepherd?” the boy asked, awed and embarrassed.
“For several reasons. But let’s say that the most important is that you have succeeded in discovering your Personal Legend.”
The boy didn’t know what a person’s “Personal Legend” was.
“It’s what you have always wanted to accomplish. Everyone, when they are young, knows what their Personal Legend is.
“At that point in their lives, everything is clear and everything is possible. They are not afraid to dream, and to yearn for everything they would like to see happen to them in their lives. But, as time passes, a mysterious force begins to convince them that it will be impossible for them to realize their Personal Legend.”
None of what the old man was saying made much sense to the boy. But he wanted to know what the mysterious force” was; the merchants daughter would be impressed when he told her about that.
“it’s a force that appears to be negative, but actually shows you how to realize your Personal Legend. It prepares your spirit and your will, because there is one great truth on this planet: whoever you are, or whatever it is that you do, when you really want something, it’s because that desire originated in the soul of the universe. Its your mission on earth.”
“even when all you want to do is travel? Or marry the daughter of a textile merchant?”
“yes, or even search for treasure. The soul of the world is nourished by peoples happiness. And also by unhappiness, envy, and jealousy. To realize ones personal legend is a persons only real obligation. All things are one.
‘and when you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it.”

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LOSE WHAT

Aries “ if you want a clearer conscience you should do the right thing by others, but in order to attain happiness you must be true to yourself. The choice seems simple, but either way you lose.”

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